Just Between Us, a Christian women's magazine for pastors' wives and women in ministry, edited by Jill Briscoe

The heart of Just Between Us is our friendship with you. We want to address your joys and challenges in a practical and honest way – and come into your lives as a trusted friend.

Every issue, we have tried to make a difference in your lives by letting you know that you have some friends who are pulling and praying for you, and who understand the unique pressures you’re under. To that end, we recently randomly selected 1,000 of you to participate in a readership survey. Our purpose was to listen to your hearts, and to discover how we can better encourage you. Over half of the surveys were returned, which was an overwhelming response.

JBU reaches out to pastors’ wives and women in leadership (bible study leaders, women’s ministry leaders, etc.). We thought it would be interesting to look at some of the results separately for both groups.

General Findings
The women responding to this survey range from 21 to 82 years old. According to the survey, the typical woman reading JBU is in her 40’s (33 percent) and 50’s (32 percent). Most of you are married for the first time (80 percent) while nine percent of you are remarried. The majority (83 percent) have children. More than one half (56 percent) have completed a college education; some (24 percent) have attended graduate school with 16 percent earning a graduate degree. Forty-one percent have Bible training. Approximately equal numbers of you (28 percent) are full-time homemakers, part-time employed inside or outside the home (27 percent), and full-time employed inside or outside the home (30 percent). About one-half of you are pastors’ wives (49 percent).

It’s interesting to note the diversity in the types of churches and ministries represented in the survey. Churches of various denominations and sizes are represented. Forty-two percent of you serve congregations of 200 or fewer attendees at Sunday worship, while 21 percent serve in churches that attract less than 100 people, and 21 percent in churches that attract more than 1,000 attendees. You come from all denominations. The highest representations were from non-denominational or independent affiliations and Baptists.

Although your main areas of ministries vary, 41 percent are women’s ministry leaders. The majority of your churches have a women’s ministry (83 percent); about two-thirds of your churches provide a budget to women’s ministries. Although the women’s ministries vary in size, about one half has 50 or less women participating weekly.

Personal Fulfillment
So often with surveys, we hear only about the negative. After reading your responses, it is evident that you’re very happy in your role in ministry. Ninety-two percent of you say, “I enjoy my ministry,” and 83 percent feel supported in your role as a woman in ministry. Perhaps that’s due to the fact that so many of you (67 percent) are feeling “adequately prepared in your role in ministry.” The majority of you have told us that you don’t feel emotionally and spiritually burned out. However, we’re also well aware that there are some unique stressors in your lives. Some will be described below.

Balancing Ministry and Family
Once again, balancing ministry and family is your top need. Interestingly, this need has not changed over the past 15 years. The greatest request for articles on a given topic fell in this area as well. The second top need for pastors’ close friend; fourth, handling conflict; and fifth, handling emotional issues and stress. In fact, one reader stated, “Not having a close spiritual friend is my biggest frustration. That is why JBU is so important and has helped to fill that void.” While women in ministry report some similar needs, there were differences in their rankings: 1) balancing it all, 2) devotional life, 3) emotional issues/stress, 4) expectations/roles, and 5) handling conflict.

The area of marriage and family continues to be very important to you. Many of you requested articles to help you strengthen your marriage, minister as a team, encourage your husband, and keep your marriage a top priority.

You are also concerned with the unique pressures your children face on a daily basis, and with helping your kids live in the fishbowl with the expectations they feel from both parents and the congregation. One concern you told us about many times was how difficult it is for your kids to share their mom and dad, particularly their dad, with everyone else. The absence of dad from the home is deeply felt by your kids, and many of them feel that others always come before them. Overall, though, the majority of you mentioned that your family has not been negatively affected by ministry.

Spiritual Needs
If you’re going to spend time “giving out” in ministry, then your personal nurturance is very important. Over and over again we heard how much you desire to “deepen your walk with Christ.” Approximately one-half of you nurture your relationship with Christ one or more times a day, while another third of you spend time with the Lord four to six times a week. For some pastors’ wives (42 percent), praying with your spouse is also a part of your daily schedule. Of women in ministry, 27 percent of you pray with your spouse daily.

Friendships
When asked if you have a need for a close friend, 76 percent of pastors’ wives agreed while 24 percent disagreed. One reader commented, “A life of a pastor’s wife can be lonely, and there are not many resources out there to turn to, so I’m grateful for your magazine that ministers to women! It helps fill a need for connection.” Approximately two thirds of women in ministry expressed a need for a close friend also. Overall, you are more connected than in the past. Still, there is a big difference between the two groups regarding feeling isolated: 43 percent of pastors’ wives have this experience while only 26 percent of women in ministry do.

Stresses
Pastors’ wives have different kinds of circumstances and stressors than women in leadership, but both groups have stress. It was encouraging to see that both groups feel supported. The majority of pastors’ wives feel supported in ministry (79 percent), marriage (93 percent), and parenting (90 percent). In fact, 97 percent of you feel that your marriages are strong. In general, women in ministry also feel supported in ministry (83 percent), marriage (87 percent), and parenting (86 percent), with 87 percent of you feeling your marriages are strong.

The responses to other stressors were more varied. Although at least two-thirds of pastors’ wives and women in ministry did not feel depressed, angry, or emotionally or spiritually burned out, the results for other feelings were not as clear-cut. For example, 57 percent of pastors’ wives and 45 percent of women in ministry feel physically drained, and 38 percent of pastors’ wives and 44 percent of women in ministry feel inadequate. Quite a few of you commented that you want to learn more about how to have fun, laugh, and find refreshment in your lives.

Ministry Hurts
Many of you told us that you are experiencing major hurts in ministry. For pastors’ wives and their husbands, 52 percent of you have experienced a departure or resignation; 55 percent have had major conflict with members of the congregation, 39 percent with other staff members, and 35 percent with the church board; 18 percent have experienced a church split, and a fortunate 11 percent have not experienced any conflict as of yet.

Although women in ministry and their husbands have also experienced some crises, the percentages were not as high. Only 21 percent of women in ministry have experienced a departure or resignation; 19 percent have had major conflict with other staff, 18 percent with members of the congregation, and 10 percent with the church board; 16 percent have experienced a church split, and 20 percent have not experienced any conflict yet.

You told us that you are dealing with a lot of difficult people. Some other areas where you have experienced hurt include false accusations, betrayal by people you trusted, spiritual abuse, divisions, lack of respect from older people, people leaving the church, moral failures, and struggles over worship styles. We hope you’ll discover that you are not alone in the challenges you are facing, and that JBU is a resource for hope, encouragement, and validation from others going through similar struggles.

When asked where you go when you’re in a crisis, both groups of women seek help from various places; however, the highest percentage of each group go to their spouses.

Additional Findings
One of the most inspiring things that came through the survey was your heart for outreach and desire to give to others. It was evident that you have a great concern for the lost, and helping others reach spiritual maturity.

Other Survey Findings

17% of readers go to a professional counselor when they are in a crisis.
92% of readers enjoy their ministry.
26% of readers feel depressed.
42% said personal expectations are a major challenge facing ministry kids.
28% answered that their kids feel like they live in a fishbowl.
68% of readers subscribe to JBU because of the encouragement they receive.

Perhaps something that surprised us most was the significant number of readers who are struggling with retirement issues and widowhood. In future issues we will make an effort to provide encouragement and help for this stage of your lives.

Thank you so much for your invaluable input and your comments regarding JBU’s support. As one reader said, “In ministry we are constantly around people who complain and are negative. JBU helps me stay positive.” We’re glad we can help. The information you’ve provided will aid us in ministering to you more effectively in the future. It is our joy and great privilege to come alongside you as your trusted friend!