Yesterday was one of those days. The days that leave me breathless and counting down until bedtime—my bedtime, not my kids’.

Several days ago, I learned another important piece of my adopted daughter’s story. Each and every time that happens, there’s a shift in my heart and mind. My footing feels less stable for a while, like I am standing on a big balance ball that starts rolling. Nothing is quite where it used to be and I’m having trouble keeping steady. A few days later, I started to see it from her perspective and what it must feel like to carry all of that around with her all the time. The uncertainty, the disillusionment, the fear. It must be infinitely worse inside her head. 

While my brain was still processing this news, I received a reminder about my other daughter spending two weeks with her dad this summer, then struggles surfaced at work, a friend went into crisis mode, and on and on it went. By the time I was supposed to leave work for the day, I was barely holding it together. Which explains the rest of the day.

When it was finally time to leave work, I locked my keys in my office and couldn’t go home. The owner of the company had to come and let me in, then I ran to Target quickly before my girls came home from school. Checking out at Target, I realized my wallet was missing—left at work when I took it out of my purse while searching for my keys in the lobby. I had to pick up one child at school and discovered partway there that I was almost out of gas, and my wallet was still at work. I grabbed the child, got to work to recover my wallet, and coasted to the nearest gas station to refuel. 

I took a breath, and said a quick prayer, and tried to figure out what in the world was happening. It felt like my brain had become disconnected from the rest of me and wasn’t capable of getting me through the day. It seemed the balance ball was now bouncing down rapids in a river and I was holding on for dear life. I started thinking about what a horrible day it was, panic started to rise, and tears started to fall. 

SPEAKING TRUTH IN CHAOS 

I bet you’ve been there, too. When so many truly troubling things are happening in life, your brain struggles to handle the little stuff. It’s just too busy. 

Those are the times we desperately need to cling to God and the truth of His Word, and the times it’s hardest to do so. My prayer felt pretty feeble—just a silent, “Lord, help.” But the strength of my prayer isn’t based on how strong I feel or the words I use. My prayer is strong simply and only because of the One I am praying to. 

Truth slowly started to creep back in. No one was in the hospital. There were no accidents or things on fire. I had been texting my best friend throughout the day and told her I thought I was losing it. Maybe this is what a mental breakdown felt like. She told me my brain just needed a reboot. I decide to do my best hold on until bedtime, do only what was absolutely necessary and get a good night’s sleep. I told myself everything would be okay in the morning.

Because here’s the key: even when all around me feels like a balance ball rolling away with me trying to stay on top of it, it’s just not true. My God has this. He has me and He has you. No matter what we’re going through, He knows it and He is in it with us. He won’t ever turn away. He promised. “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you” (Deut. 31:6). Sometimes our “them” is a thousand little (or big) circumstances coming at us at once—the promise still holds. He will never leave or forsake us. 

Before bed that night, I crumpled onto the sofa and told God everything that was happening. Not that He needed reminding, but I sure did. I needed the reminder that He is the One in control. When I feel completely out of control, when I see how little control I actually have over my world, I can still rest in knowing the One who is in control. And in knowing that He loves me. 

HE HOLDS IT ALL 

Everything was not okay in the morning. None of the big issues have been resolved. I woke up at 4:51 a.m. and am still mentally exhausted. I am literally praying that I don’t lock my keys in the office or forget my wallet somewhere. Some days we feel we have the strength to do everything on our own. Some days, like today, it is painfully obvious that we don’t. I know I can’t do it on my own today, but I know the One who can help me. All I have to do is show up and keep walking. I prayed for Him to not just give me strength for today, but to be my strength for today. All of it. Every last bit of strength I need. Strength for speaking coherently at work, strength for loving my kids well, strength to lead Bible study tonight. I can’t do it on my own, but He can. Maybe I needed this reminder that He can do it all, even when I can barely stand.

This morning, He reminded me of my (current) favorite verse, Col. 1:17, which says, “He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.” Even you and even me. The sun, moon, and stars are held together by His mighty hands. The mountains stand and the oceans roar because of His mighty hands. The seasons keep turning because of His mighty hands. If He can manage all of that, I know He can handle my day. 

I’m not sure when my reboot will happen. I’m not sure how long I will go on feeling unsteady. But I do know that I am never truly unsteady. “He will not let your foot slip—he who watches over you will not slumber” (Ps. 121:3). God is in this with me. He has promised to never leave me and to be my rock, my fortress.

For today, that’s enough. It’s enough to know that my God who loves me will carry me through this day. He’ll carry you, too. All you have to do is ask. 

FOR FURTHER STUDY

Read:

“From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I” (Psalm 61:2).

Reflect:

• What areas of my life currently feel unsteady or overwhelming?
• How have I seen God’s faithfulness in past struggles, and how can that encourage me now?
• What practical steps can I take to lean on God’s strength in difficult moments?

Pray:

Father, when life feels overwhelming and I struggle to hold everything together, remind me that I don’t have to. You are my rock and my refuge. Help me to trust in You, even when I feel weak, and to lean on Your strength rather than my own. Thank You for always being present and for never leaving me alone in my struggles. In Jesus’ name, Amen.