“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance” (Eccl. 3:1,4).
On April 7, 2021, a little after midnight, my life partner of 60 years died and with him, I lost my identity. As a result, I began to question if we view life differently during times of mourning or dancing—shifts of season. From this perspective, seasonal renewal is dependent on shifts in soil and its nutrients:
bedrock – oneness with our spiritual self, underlying trust in God,
subsoil – immediate family support,
leaching layer – physical and mental wellness,
topsoil – habitat, stability of environment, and
organic soil – renewal of relationships, events, and/or life experiences. In other words, a healthy lifestyle.
EVALUATING THE NEW NORMAL
GriefShare places emphasis on an acronym DEER. Stay hydrated, drink. Eat, schedule dinner with family and friends. Exercise, schedule therapy and regularly work out. Rest, take timeouts as you work through the emotional impact of a horrific, lifestyle-altering experience.
Why? I experience a more stable lifestyle when I am exposed to people who and/or events that make me feel a sense of spirituality, patient people who have been a safe place to fall when a life crisis occurred, companions who are willing to share interest in activities that are important to me, who are respectful of the fact that there are times when I need space, who work with my life goals. Although there are those who will interpret such a list as a ‘wish list,’ I have rapidly learned that in order to recover a sense of lifestyle balance, such people and events are the nutrients, so-to-speak, which work best for me.
At this point, you could say I have travelled through a winter of loss and, in anticipation of spring, conducted a ‘soil test.’ I am somewhat aware of the strengths and weaknesses of my foundation, and have accepted that it is the support for my transition into a new identity: a life that no longer includes my former life partner.
What is my new identity? I am a widow, not wife. I am a mother of five adult children and grandmother of six grandchildren. What are my interests? I am interested in gardening, nature, habitat, music, arts, reading, community events, performing arts, and sharing such events with family and friends. How will I spend my time? I plan to catch up on neglected outdoor projects, property management, repair of my neglected home, and reviving activities in the arts. I will share such events with family and friends, renew and make new friendships, commit to church involvement, and stay in the present—take one day at a time, enable a new normal.
THE SEEDS OF RENEWAL
Perhaps more importantly, I know that I don’t need to walk this journey alone. I can lean on a sense of spiritual assistance. In other words, I have seeds of renewal to sow:
Faith. “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see” (Heb. 11:1).
Confidence. “Such confidence we have through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God” (2 Cor. 3:4–5).
Courage. “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (Isa. 41:10).
Memories. “I thank my God every time I remember you” (Phil. 1:3).
Love. “In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Rom. 8:37–39).
Hope. “As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more” (Ps. 71:14).
A SEASON OF REBIRTH
Having experienced a season of death and loss, I have made a choice to scatter seeds of renewal, experiencing the seasonal rebirth of spring. As a result, I am beginning to feel whole again.
Won’t you join me as I continue to walk step by step through a process of grieving? Together, we can recover a sense of renewed life, love, laughter, and joy.
I will choose not just to focus on loss but on a legacy of having been once loved by someone who made me feel so safe that I didn't simply trust but entrusted myself to him. I want to shift my focus from the individual steps to a staircase that leads into a renewal of life—a time to laugh and a time to dance. Perhaps at some point, my life-garden will once again flourish with love, laughter, and joy.
Will you choose to focus on weeping and mourning or laughing and dancing? Will you shift your focus from grief to a legacy of renewal?
THANKSGIVING AND HEALING
Thank You, God, for loving me and always watching over me, providing a source of comfort and trust—a soft place to fall whenever I faced a crisis. Heal my broken heart and bind up my wounds. Help me recover from a sense of emptiness due to loss. Heal me from the experience and guide me as I move forward. Keep my heart safe and restore me to wholeness. Help me find love again and open my heart to others. Teach me to learn great lessons from this experience and to trust in Your plans for my future.
While I will never fully understand my loved one’s choices, I am thankful for them providing an experience of a love that made me feel so cherished and protected that I didn’t simply trust but entrusted myself to another person.
I pray that my hubby has found peace and refuge under Your wings. I pray that he knows he is loved by all whom his life touched.
Again, God, I pray that You will help me find peace for my loss. Help me to recover from a sense of overwhelming loneliness. Heal my broken heart.
In Jesus’s name I pray, Amen.
SUGGESTED READINGS
Second Firsts by Christina Rasmussen
Forgiving What You Can’t Forget by Lysa Terkeurst
Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes by Susan Bridges
From Strength to Strength by Arthur C. Brooks
***Dedicated to the memory of Garland (Bubba) Malcom Wright
FOR FURTHER STUDY
Read:
To bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair” (Isaiah 61:3).
Reflect:
- What “seeds of renewal” do I need to plant in my life after loss?
- How can I invite God into my healing process and trust Him with my future?
- What small steps can I take to embrace joy and new beginnings?
Pray:
Lord, You promise to bring beauty from ashes and joy from mourning. Help me to trust in Your process of renewal. Even in grief, may I find glimpses of Your faithfulness. Give me courage to take steps forward, to rebuild, and to embrace the life You have for me. Thank You for walking with me through every season. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
