As a single woman and foster mom, I wed in my late thirties. We moved to a different neighborhood. After living several years at our new address, I had a stunning realization: if someone created a lineup of people and offered me a million dollars to pick out my neighbors, I wouldn’t be able to do it (with the exception being the couple whose driveway sat a few feet from ours). Somehow, opposing schedules mixed with my unobservant and introverted ways made me blind to individuals who lived within eyesight. After all, Jesus said to love my neighbors—but I didn’t even know them (Jas. 2:8). Disturbed by my realization, I immediately resolved to correct what I knew to be wrong.
Providentially, Halloween transpired a short time later. My husband and I chose to hand out candy sitting in our driveway (eliminating constant “ding dongs” from the doorbell). As neighbors accompanied their costumed children, I collected several names while asking parents to point in the direction of their homes. I met more neighbors in one evening than I had since we moved in.
However, knowing my neighbors as acquaintances wasn’t going to pass muster. The next day I sought to build upon our friendly exchanges from the previous night. Taking a few 3 x 5 cards and envelopes, I wrote about a half dozen notes. In each one, I used the neighbor’s name, expressed gratitude for our meeting, wrote my name and mobile number, and invited them to dinner--that night. The notecard said that a simple menu of hamburgers, hotdogs, chips, and s’mores would be served. I then rang doorbells, hand delivering each envelope while verbally expressing gratitude for becoming acquainted (letting the invitation do its job, lest anyone feel put on the spot). Surprisingly, even on such short notice, nearly every one of the neighbors texted shortly after my visit and said, “Yes!”
That event, the first neighborly dinner in our backyard, began a chain of events that has resulted in a collage of friendships. Now, a few years since our initial introductions, our relationships are still growing. No doubt, I nearly missed the blessing of these social gatherings--these individuals—had I not consciously evaluated Christ’s command to love my neighbors, comparing His directive to the landscape of my life. Love could not be demonstrated to a person I did not know. Rather, my unconscious decision not to know them proved my heart’s apathy about them.
If my story stirs your spirit, take heart. Consider God’s great interest in your neighbors and your relationship with them. After all, the Lord works purposefully, placing non-Christians in close proximity to His children so they may want to know Him (Acts 17:26). Resolve to invest time and energy in people whom God loves—particularly the ones who don’t know Him yet. As you initiate friendships among the women in your neighborhood (or as you continue to nurture your existing relationships), here are simple suggestions to aid your efforts:
Consider: Who is my neighbor?
We often take the simple words of Christ and convolute them (Luke 10:29). Jesus did not intend for our concept of “neighbor” to be abstract. Neighbors naturally include those within our neighborhoods (or apartment buildings).
Overcome fear/rejection
Seek to be inclusive, when a home sells on or near your street by being deliberate about welcoming the new woman of the house. My standard approach is to leave a note and a bag of candy on her door, inviting her into our clan. Of all the greetings I have extended, a few have gone unacknowledged. I have learned that not all women want to be knit in, but I can be satisfied knowing none have been left out.
Find what works
Be intentional about what works for others’ schedules, not just your own. As the women in my neighborhood began feeling connected, I proposed we meet periodically for supper. The women explained that gathering after dinner (for tea/drinks and dessert) was preferred. We have adopted that standard, yielding to their preference (Phil. 2:4).
Additionally, employ a tool to facilitate open lines of communication. Many of my neighbors expressed a desire to stay readily connected via our smart phones. Of those interested, some preferred a group text and others proposed we create a group dialogue using some different app(s). Going with the majority, we adopted a text thread, a means to communicate that we respect and don’t abuse.
Keep it fun
Planning simple but fun activities creates camaraderie among women. Keeping with hospitality (Heb. 13:16), I hosted a “Favorite Things” party. And since several of us have remodeled portions of our 1960s homes, we planned our own “Parade of Homes” where each facelift could be seen by the group.
Employ plates or glassware
Food enriches relationships and so does celebrating together. After getting to know my neighbors, I asked for each woman’s birthdate. I purchased a glass that read: “It’s my birthday month” at a dollar store. As one woman’s birthday approached, I wrapped the glass and left it on her porch. When her month ended, I instructed her to do the same for the next birthday girl. Today, the glass continues to circle our streets. For non-birthday occasions, I purchase pretty plates from a thrift store and deliver baked goods to neighbors for no other reason than to spread cheer.
Promote Interdependence
Offering assistance to a friend helps alleviate her having to ask for it, a practice so hard for so many. When I go to the grocery or hardware store, I often text my neighbors and ask if anyone needs anything. I have also given ingredients for recipes to neighbors when they fall short. Doing what we can in the moment, no matter how small, is the gospel in action (Jas. 2:15-16).
Getting to know and love our neighbors is God’s desire for us. Initiating small steps can reap beautiful fruit, especially if we treat God’s command as an adventure and not a burden. Only God can make a relationship grow (1 Cor. 3:7), but we can find satisfaction is knowing we’ve sought to love our neighbors sincerely, God has directed.
For Further Study:
📖 Read:
💭 Reflect:
- Who lives near me that I’ve never taken time to meet?
- What assumptions or fears have kept me from reaching out?
🙏 Pray:
Father, thank You for placing me exactly where I am. Help me to see my neighborhood as a mission field—and my neighbors as people You love. Give me creativity and courage to take the first step toward friendship. Amen.
