When Covid first spread, we wondered who in our lives would catch it and what measure of harm it would bring. Isolation occurred, leaving us physically separated. But the distance between people quickly extended beyond living arrangements. The pandemic has instigated heart-breaking relational divides. Personally, it has left me grieving a friend—one who never contracted Covid.
Seasoned in the Lord, my friend is dear to my heart. Ever since meeting, we have enjoyed sharing Christ and coffee dates. When Covid came, our visits understandably diminished, so gladness brewed the morning of our most recent reunion. But unfortunately, the visit turned stunningly sour, a chasm forming between our hearts well before we parted ways.
What went so wrong? We talked about Covid.
Deeply disturbed, I asked Jesus for help. He impressed three ways to promote peace and disarm the divisiveness of Covid.
1. Honor (and draw) boundaries.
Not everyone wants to discuss Covid (or listen to others talk about it). If someone expresses a desire to change the subject, honor their request. Knowing their reason is no one’s business. They may desire to avoid an argument—which is prudent (Prov. 17:14). Or, Covid may be emotional and triggering. Biblical love is patient and kind (1Cor. 13:4). Love put into action may entail shifting the conversation for the sake of another’s comfort.
Meanwhile, if you have felt troubled when Covid has come up, have you voiced your uneasiness? Help others respect you by politely asking to change the topic (instead of being passive, hoping someone will read your mind or body language).
2. Apologize.
If you have forced the topic of Covid into a conversation or insisted others weigh in, apologize. Even if the offense wasn’t intentional, acknowledge wrongdoing and resolve to hold your tongue in the future.
If someone has pushed you into a conversation about Covid, did you respond gently? If not, apologize. Two wrongs don’t make a right (Rom. 12:17-18). If needed, re-set the stage upon your next gathering. Acknowledge your friend’s feelings while expressing your own. Example: Your feelings about the pandemic matter, but I am not the best person to talk to you about them.
3. Extend an olive branch.
Covid is a significant issue, but it’s one of many. The value of any friendship is not measured by joint willingness to discuss (or agree upon topics surrounding) the global pandemic. Rather, the deepest friendships are marked by God’s activity—in what is shared and how. If your friendship has experienced a setback over Covid, resolve that your friendship will outlast the virus—so long as it depends upon you! Restoration is possible without re-hashing prior conversations. Feed the friendship afresh. Did your friend just start a new job? Rejoice with her and send a card. Re-engage the relationship on peaceful terrain using something of shared significance.
