If you’ve ever flown on a plane you’ll know the safety drill. Included in this onboard presentation is an emphasis on placing the air mask on yourself before you place it on a fellow traveler. You can’t assist someone else with breathing if you can’t breathe yourself! The same goes when we’re called to care for others.
Several years ago I had the unique and humbling opportunity to speak at an Alzheimer’s caregivers’ conference. I was asked to address the topic, “How to Care for Yourself While You Care for Others.” I was able to draw from my years of ministry experience where my pastor-husband and I have been available for physical, emotional, and spiritual care of others, and from my personal recovery from burnout.
Who knew that I’d have to apply my notes on a completely different level when I was called to be the primary caregiver of my teenage son as he battled leukemia? Caregiving amped up another notch when my other son contracted a deadly disease, landing him in the same hospital at the same time as my leukemic son. Years later, my oldest daughter experienced some life-threatening complications after giving birth to our first grandchild, which required that I spend three months off-and-on caring for her and her family while she recovered. And most recently, I’ve walked alongside my husband as he’s dealt with chronic pain.
My caregiving experience has not come of my own accord. I’m really not a good nurse! I’m more of an emotional support. Need a Kleenex? A shoulder to cry on? I’ll be there to mourn with you as your mourn. So I’ve taken good notes of those who have offered care during times when I or my family have been on the receiving end.
Needless to say, I’ve had my fill of experience with caregiving on both the receiving and giving end of things. And I’ve learned that regardless of whether you’re the giver or receiver, the principles I’m about to share come from a place of well-rehearsed success and are absolutely vital for your well-being if you’re ever called to be a caregiver.
If you’re in that role right now, before you get to this list of tips to care for yourself as you care for others, I want to identify that caring for yourself is likely not even on your radar. In fact, you’re doing well to even be taking time to read this article… and congratulations if you’ve made it this far! It could be that my well-intended bullet points seem more like pressure points - inflicting rather than encouraging. My purpose is not to overwhelm you with suggestions for the seeming impossible. You may already be too depleted to know where to begin to care for yourself. And that’s the point! If that describes your present state, just pick one of the following points and make that your focus for a few weeks before adding any other self-care ideas.
Caring for yourself is not a quick-fix solution, it’s a process. It’s going to take time to not only restore your body, mind, and soul, but to know what it is you actually need. In time you’ll discover you’re laughing more, able to relax more often, and can more readily identify some of the symptoms of burnout before you’re too deep.
To start with, think about what refuels you, and start with that on the list. Here are some ways to begin the restoration process.
10 Steps to Avoid Caregiver Burnout
1. Personal Boundaries
When we’re called upon as caregivers, our resources are pulled from every direction. Therefore, it’s important to know our own limitations, recognize when our resources are running low, and bunker down when our emotional reserve is bottoming out. My boundary lines have fallen in pleasant places (Ps.16:6).
2. Re-charging Activities
In contrast, it’s necessary to engage in activities that bring you joy as well as energize, replenish, and encourage you. Take time to make a list as a constant reminder to you. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them (John 13:17).
3. Attainable Goals
Caring for others is draining and can often leave you feeling depleted. So it’s important to set goals that are attainable and easily achieved. Sometimes it’s enough to simply get out of bed, get outside once a day, or do something for yourself guilt-free! Make yourself a cup of tea. Take a deep breath, take the pressure off… being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus (Phil. 1:6).
4. Solitude
Whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, we all need time set aside for solitude and silence. Allow yourself fallow time to think, process, and have quiet time. But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint (Is. 40:31).
5. Companionship
We all need support - especially during difficult times. I’m not sure what I would do without some trusted friends to listen to me, pray for me, and offer practical support. The list of “one-another’s” are endless in Scripture. Love one another, care for one another, pray for one another, and on it goes. One verse that wraps it all up is Hebrews 10:25 which says, “….let us encourage one another. And all the more as the Day of Christ approaches.
6. Proper Rest
We don’t know the blessing of sleep until we are sleep deprived. Without sleep our brain malfunctions, our body is vulnerable, our perspective wanes, and our spirits plummet. Sleep is an undeniable gift from God. Take Elijah for instance, who was refreshed by an angel of God after resting under the broom tree. Keep in mind that God takes the night shift. In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety (Ps. 4:8).
7. Exercise
I’m not talking about an hour cardio and strength-training regimen. It could be walking up the stairs inside your home, or going for a walk around the block. I find that moving my body helps me to work out some of the negative thoughts and pent up frustrations that get stuck inside my head. For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come (1 Tim. 4:8).
8. Proper Diet
Comfort foods are readily available. However, the Bible would exhort us to do everything in moderation; exercising self-control. ‘You are what you eat’. So eat well and you will be well. Whether you eat, or drink, or whatever you do, do it all to the glory of God (1 Cor. 10:31).
9. Creative Outlet
Drawing, writing, carpentry, handiwork, gardening, house decorating, flower arranging, puzzle assembling. Whatever you want to create, take the opportunity to do it. It will do your mind some good! So God created mankind in His own image, in the image of God He created them; male and female He created them (Gen. 1:27).
10. Time with the Lord
As I’ve cared for others, my Bible has typically been close at hand. Time with the Lord comes in many forms: prayer, reading His Word, listening to podcasts, Christian radio, worship music—anything along this line that will recharge and rejuvenate your body, mind and soul, providing encouragement, hope, validation, and renewed perspective. Like David, learn to encourage yourself in the Lord (1 Sam. 30:6). This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says: “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength (Is. 30:15).
As you implement these suggestions into your daily rhythm of life my prayer is that you will find yourself feeling stronger and better over time.
Cast all your anxiety on him because He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7)
