When we start our journey of parenthood, we expect our children will follow Jesus. Exposure to godly principles and practices should result in a commitment to serve God, right? We aren’t told variables such as free will and life experiences might cause our children to choose the bumpy road. 

My husband and I raised three beautiful daughters. Our oldest is an ordained minister and missionary. Our middle daughter is married, serving God faithfully. Our youngest has, at least temporarily, decided to go a different direction. Her heartbreaking choices opened our eyes to a reality that so many face. She’s been involved with dangerous people, dabbled in drugs, and found herself in jail. 

From Pain to Praise

I knew she was living in an old box truck, but it didn’t hit me until I saw it. Tears flowed freely as we pulled away. Why would she choose this? It made no sense. While laying the situation before the Lord, I found an odd feeling rising within me: thankfulness. I felt guilty and confused until the Lord reminded me of 1 Thess. 5:18: “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” I realized that I wasn’t thankful for what she was going through; rather, I was finding reasons to be thankful in it. 

This experience was giving me an opportunity to connect with others. Paul’s words in Phil. 1:14 (NLT) encouraged me: “Because of my imprisonment, most of the believers here have gained confidence...” I determined that my heart and mind must believe God would take what the Enemy meant for evil and use it for good. If walking through this publicly from a perspective of trust in God’s character could encourage others who were struggling, then so be it. 

This journey comes with lessons. One is: Don’t carry the blame. All my girls were raised in the same house, with the same rules, at the same time. But they are all unique. I’m sure others who have missionary kids have heard, “You must be incredible parents to raise a missionary!” Well, not really.

We did our best to model godly lives for our children, but our daughter is a missionary because her heart chose to follow after God. We realized we can’t take credit for her good choices any more than we can carry the blame for her bad ones. As our children grow, our control over their choices diminishes. 

Choosing Faith Over Feelings

Parenting is like bowling with bumper guards. These guards keep the ball from going into the gutter, but once it passes them, the ball is in control. We can give our kids the tools to make wise choices, protecting them from harm, but God has given each of us free will. At times I’ve wished my daughter’s free will could be temporarily suspended, but I know my Bible well enough to understand that isn’t an option. 

Parenting is tough. I doubt any honest parent could look back over the years without finding things they would change. We all make mistakes, but that’s what Rom. 8:28 is all about. God works everything together for our good, which includes our mistakes. We can show our children the path; choosing to follow it is their decision. 

We are often fickle with our sense of responsibility. If one of our daughters won Miss America, which one of us would charge the stage and grab the crown? We don’t feel entitled to take credit for our children’s good choices, yet own the blame for poor ones. Unfortunately, others can be ready to agree with us. 

Walk in Grace, Not Regret

Another lesson is: Don’t carry shame. At eighteen months, one of my daughters threw her one and only public tantrum in the middle of Walmart. I was shocked and humiliated, enduring less-than-subtle judgmental glares from those assuming she had never been disciplined. 

Shame can be tricky. It has a healthy side, motivating us to avoid repeat offenses. We all have things that would cause us to blush if they were public knowledge. But the darker side of shame is crippling. There is a stigma on those whose children are straying. People feel sorry for us, hopefully pray for us, but how often are they wondering what we did to mess them up? Sometimes our errors are glaring. Thinking “if only we had done this differently” can cause us to carry shame. 

The best tool to battle shame is Scripture. Isaiah 50:7 (NLT) says: “I have set my face like a stone, determined to do his will. And I know that I will not be put to shame.” Sometimes it feels like we need to hang on to shame to pay penance. Thankfully, that isn’t how forgiveness works. Colossians 2:14 (NLT) brings clarity: “He canceled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross.” 

We don’t need to work off a cancelled record. It’s gone. You’re free. The cross was enough! 

You Are Covered by Grace

While feelings are notoriously unreliable, Scripture is a solid, unchanging rock. Several years back God spoke to my heart: “What you feel and what you believe are not the same thing.” I might feel abandoned, but I believe God will never leave me. I might feel unforgivable, but I believe He has made me white as snow. 

A final lesson is: Don’t Blame God. This is especially hard when you don’t see progress. Sometimes people become bitter walking through difficult situations. They prayed with no visible results. We need to be careful. Just as you are not to blame, neither is God. 

We can be certain God is going after our wayward children. God’s heart for the lost is so prevalent in Scripture that we must unwaveringly know He’s doing His part. Parents, don’t lose heart. God is fighting for our kids. Trust Him in the middle of the mess. 

A Praise Update

Since writing this article, our daughter has graduated from Teen Challenge, where she gave her life to Jesus. There are still many challenges ahead of her, but we praise God for every step in the right direction. 

For Further Study:

📖 Read:

• Luke 15:11–32 – The parable of the prodigal son reminds us of God’s patient, pursuing love. How does this story shift your view of your own child’s journey—and of the Father’s heart toward both the wanderer and the waiting parent?
• Romans 8:28–29 – What does it mean for God to work all things for good—even painful parenting seasons?
• 1 Peter 5:7 – "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." What anxieties are you carrying that you can release to God today?

💭 Reflect:

• In what ways have you felt tempted to carry blame or shame for your child’s choices?
• How can you begin to replace “if only I had…” with “Even now, I trust…”?
• What is one truth about God’s character you can cling to when your emotions feel overwhelming?

➡️ Journal Prompt: 

• Write a prayer of surrender for your prodigal child. Include praise for who God is, a release of control, and a reaffirmation of your trust in His timing and love.

🙏 Pray:

Lord, You see my child, and You see my heart. You know the hopes I’ve held, the tears I’ve cried, and the ache I carry in the waiting. I release the weight of shame, regret, and control—and I place my child into Your capable, loving hands. Thank You for never giving up, for chasing after the lost, and for being a God who restores. Strengthen my faith when I can’t see the outcome. Teach me to walk in grace, not guilt, and to trust Your timing, even in the middle of the mess. I choose to believe that You are still working, still pursuing, and still writing the story. In Jesus’ name, Amen.