As she regained consciousness, tiny Chanadda “Noi” Chaisakorn screamed at the sight of a dark shadow in human form at her window. She was convinced that this ghost-like figure had come to take her away. Just seconds before, her parents had joyfully exclaimed, “She is okay,” but now they confronted the fear that three-year-old Noi’s spirit remained at the bottom of the lake that she had nearly drowned in just hours earlier while playing hide-and-seek with her older brother. This devout Buddhist family held a “fishing for one’s spirit” ceremony, which included the efforts of several elders of her little village, located in northeast Thailand. Before long, they returned with fishing nets in hand saying, “Noi’s spirit is here now and she is back safe.” Special prayers were said for her and white threads were tied around each wrist to ward off evil spirits.
Although she quickly recovered physically from this experience, Noi (which means “tiny”) was frequently quite sick as a child and her health was a constant concern to her parents. Deeply committed to their faith, Noi’s parents lived out their devotion to their gods by offering sacrifices in order to receive favor. “I had been taught as a child that we must do good works in this present life in order to have a better next life.” Worshiping idols morning and night was a common practice in Noi’s family.
Yet, even as a young child, Noi wrestled with the questions, “Where will I go when I die and who will judge me?” Rather than giving her peace and comfort, the Buddhist teachings that she was receiving were making her more fearful of death. “Although I tried to live a sinless life by following Buddha’s precepts and by doing good works, I never felt the assurance and peace I was looking for.”
Noi wondered if there really was a living God who knew her heart’s desire for inner peace. At age 16, Noi confided in a gentle and trustworthy teacher that her deepest desire was to become a Buddhist nun. This teacher, who had recently become a Christian, began to share with Noi about the one true God. “She told me that I didn’t have to work hard to pay for my sins because Jesus Christ had already done that for me. She told me of God’s unconditional love and assured me that Jesus Christ alone would be able to fill my heart with true peace.” Noi had never heard the story of Jesus before, but knew that she had come to end of her search. At age 17, she had finally found the peace she’d been longing for⎯and God began changing Noi from the inside out.
The revelation that Noi had become a Christian brought great humiliation to her Buddhist parents. So, she was forced to stand before a large gathering of people from her village and choose between God and her parents. “I was told that if I loved Christ more than my parents, then I would have to leave and never return.” She prayed for courage, knowing she was now facing an unknown future. She knew from God’s Word though, that nothing could separate her from His love. With courage from above Noi boldly responded, “I love my parents very much, but Christ must be first.” The crowd became angry and chased Noi from her home and village. She was now an outcast in the eyes of all who knew her, all but the Christian schoolteacher who had shown her the love of Christ.
The teacher found her a Christian family to live with and Noi grew in her faith, dedicating her life to serving God. From the day she left her family, walking away with no money or provisions, Noi learned to cast fear aside and put her trust completely in God. Her journey of faith has been an exciting one and she has realized that, “In Him, I do not lack any good thing!”
Knowing that it is the Lord who has woven her life together, a vibrant and joy-filled Noi, who’s full name is Chanaddah Chaisakorn, graciously agreed to share her story with the readers of Just Between Us, with the hope that God will use her testimony to encourage many others for His glory.
Chanaddah Chaisakorn
JBU: After leaving your family and village, what direction did God take you in?
Noi: God opened the door for me to attend Bible school in Bangkok for two years. Following that, I trained with Operation Mobilization where I served on the Christian ship, the Doulos, which ministered to people around the world. I remained burdened, though, for the people of Thailand, and two years later I returned to my own country and began working with Campus Crusade for Christ. Words cannot describe how exciting it was to see university students turning to the Lord. I witnessed daily of God’s grace and conducted Bible studies.
JBU: What happened next?
Noi: I became very ill. I developed a severe case of hives which spread all over my body. Nothing would alleviate the itching and swelling. For a year, I was unable to do very little ministry. Eventually, though, the cause of the allergy was discovered so I was treated, but on the heals of that I was diagnosed with gout. The pain was so severe in my joints that I was unable to use my arms most of the time. My days grew dark as if a heavy storm had descended upon my life.
The frustrations continued into yet another year as I was hit with a third illness. Lower back pain left me unable to walk. Major surgery was successful, but afterward the area along my spinal cord became inflamed and I was completely unable to move. Pain became my constant companion, day and night. I could not sit or walk. I wasn’t even able to pick up my Bible and read. I could do nothing for myself and was totally dependent on other people to help me.
JBU: How did you respond to this new set of challenges in your life?
Noi: Not very well, I’m afraid. Tears became my food and loneliness overshadowed my life. I was living alone in an apartment. I asked my Heavenly Father many questions, but He seemed to be silent. My heart grew bitter as I felt unneeded and rejected by many friends during my time of illnesses. I asked Him to take me home so that I could be in His presence and be free from pain and suffering. Death was not a frightening thing to me at all, but the pain and disability were more than I could bear.
Not only was I unable to help myself physically, I was also financially incapable of living a day-to-day existence. Surely, I did not see any reason for God to let me live and become a burden to others.
JBU: You must have learned so much about the struggles that come with loneliness and depression.
Noi: I definitely came to the point of understanding why people who do not know the Lord take their own lives in times of affliction. They have no hope to continue living. But when I was tempted to question God, my heart and mind would remember Romans 8:28 which says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him who have been called according to His purpose.”
During this time, God was teaching me to be still before Him and to cease trying to understand my situation. God’s Word, which I had memorized, was the only thing that ministered to me and kept me going. Each morning I woke up and there was no one there, just God and me. How I longed for someone to read God’s Word to me and feed my hungry soul, but no one came. There was no one to wipe my tears, but God was always there.
JBU: Being a believer who struggled with loneliness, did you come to the realization that you wanted someone with flesh to fill the role that only Christ can fill?
Noi: One of the most difficult things about enduring difficult trials with hope is to not focus on fleshly thoughts. I experienced much disappoint with the way the body of believers and the organization I was working with during this time dealt with my prolonged illnesses. In every sense of the word, I felt abandoned. Yet, it was through this heartache that God chose to reveal to me my own bankruptcy and it was He who taught me to forgive. Ironically, it was the same organization in another location that heard of my plight and loved me back to health and wholeness.
We often try to fill our loneliness with relationships that are limited, when God wants us to realize that if we have Him, we have all we need, and more! As a single person, I believe you can face the same temptations. You have to come to the realization that others can’t possibly live up to what only He can offer. Sometimes God allows people to be taken out of your life so that He can then be recognized as your all in all.
JBU: Through your illnesses, there were few concrete diagnoses. In our culture we want answers and solutions. Without answers, were you ever tempted to give up?
Noi: I learned about trusting Him who allowed these things. I also learned that His ways are always good. I learned not to trust in man’s wisdom or goodness. As I learned to accept things I didn’t have answers to and could not change, God strengthened my inner being. I prayed that God would restore my broken spirit, even if my body remained uncured. I never thought I could be completely healed emotionally, but God did an amazing work in my heart and soul as I spent time daily resting in Him and reading His Word.
My illnesses taught me about leaning hard on God and believing in His faithfulness. The sweetest moment came when I began to quiet my soul before His throne. Fellowship with the Shepherd through the valley of the shadow of death had now become precious!
JBU: How would you summarize the benefits of your suffering?
Noi: I will never understand everything that has happened to me, but I do know that God does not make mistakes. Had I not gone through all of the physical and emotional pain of my illnesses, the rejection by my family and the fear that precedes forsaking all for His name, I would never have been able to understand other people’s struggles. God has a special plan in every step of our lives, which the human mind cannot comprehend. Pain and suffering are part of His sanctification, and ultimately His ways are perfect!
JBU: How have you seen God use your past suffering in your ministry?
Noi: The testimony of my suffering always ministers to others who are hurting, especially those who feel that they are alone in their affliction. Many people question my empathy when I first meet them, because they see my smiling face and sense my joy. But, they become speechless when they hear about the suffering God has allowed in my life, and more importantly how He carried me through those dark years. Giving hope by showing that God can bring about victory in suffering is one way I have been able to encourage others.
JBU: God did restore your health and ministry, but what about your family?
Noi: As the years went by, my parents and I began to communicate again. A visit by my mother to the United States restored our broken relationship. At a Bible study I was leading she shared a secret that had haunted her for 30 years. She shared that when she was three months pregnant with me, she had a terrible fight with my father. In her despair, she took the strongest abortion potion available. She waited for hours, then days and then weeks for something to happen. When nothing did, she feared that the baby inside her would be born deformed. The guilt tore her apart until the day I was born...beautiful and whole.
I was speechless and tears filled my eyes. My heart was crying, but all I could do was thank the Lord for protecting me so I could live my life for Him. I looked into the sorrow-filled eyes of my mother and uttered words of forgiveness. I told her that the reason I am still alive is because of God and His special plan for my life. I told her that God has taken care of me because He loves me...and that He loves her too. Astonished, she stood there. She didn’t speak a word, but I knew that I had sown a seed from God’s garden of grace.
My brother has struggled with mental illness since the late 1980's, but I was able to share the gospel with him before that time. Sadly, my father died of cancer in 1995. He was reluctant to even consider the claims of the gospel because of his Buddhist faith, but through a series of conversations, he acknowledged faith in Christ less than one hour before he died. My mother has developed friendships with several Christians living in a neighboring town who love and care for her. They often pay her visits and reach out to her when she has needs. As the Christian community has embraced her, I know her heart has slowly been softening to God’s love.
JBU: You prayed early on in your ministry that God would use you even more for His glory. How has He chosen to do that in recent years?
Noi: I came to the United States in 1991, planning to study Christian Education, but that plan didn’t work out. God then led me to a large church in California. It was there that I discovered women’s ministries. I was so encouraged by their example of ministry to women. As a result, I soaked up all I could while I was there. In 1994, I began taking classes at the Logos Bible Institute and simultaneously received training in Women’s Ministry at the International School of Theology in Arrowhead Springs, California.
During my studies, I came to the realization that the believers in my homeland were not rooted in their faith. They needed to be fed and encouraged in their faith. My training prepared me to be able to do that. Discipleship has become my focus and what I see as my future work.
Currently, I am involved with an organization called Evangelical Fellowship of Thailand. I work in the suburbs of Bangkok, reaching out to Christian women there and throughout the country. I have the privilege of teaching seminars on the subject of God’s Will for Women and recently was able to bring these talks to Thai women in California and Texas. My desire is to mentor a few key women in a relationship of discipleship, and then watch them turn their society upside down for God. This will be a life-long process and one that requires a lot of love and energy. Thankfully, God has restored my energy to do just that!
JBU: You have had the opportunity to observe believers ministering in a variety of cultural contexts. What challenge would you give to women in America for making a greater impact for His sake?
Noi: Don’t be afraid to get out of your little box of comfort and really live God’s Word. Reach out and see how God will minister through you!
~ Interviewed By: Laurie Beyer