Relationships are hard. But when we add the word "in-law" into the equation, the difficulty meter may go up. This I know from personal experience.
After I got married, I didn't see my mother-in-law very often, but when we did see each other we quickly picked up where we had left off. Although we were not best friends, we definitely had a pleasant relationship.
Then, nine years after Pete and I married, our world came crashing down in 1991. I was only thirty-three years old when I received a shocking diagnosis—stage four ovarian cancer. Haunting memories of my mom's own struggle with the same disease consumed my thoughts daily. I also often wondered, would my four-year-old son, Zach, have a mom in six months? I didn't know.
Following a six-hour surgery, and a three-week hospitalization, I was sent home for a time to build up my strength for the intense rounds of chemotherapy that awaited. I quickly discovered that the daily side effects of the chemo were more than hard, and my poor body rebelled. I would force myself to eat, but often, nausea and vomiting prevailed. Weight began falling from me like leaves from a tree—90 pounds, down from a starting weight of 130—became my new normal.
Into this difficult scenario came the shocking announcement from my in-laws that they were going to Florida for the winter. What? I silently questioned. How would we ever make it through what seemed like a maze of obstacles, without their help with childcare and so much more?
My in-laws indeed left town for the winter, but weeks later, Jesus walked into my life. After receiving Jesus as Savior and Lord, I was a new creation, and my world was gloriously turned upside down and inside out...for my good! I began choosing a positive attitude instead of the negative one I had been lugging around. God's peace and joy filled my heart even though my circumstances remained the same.
Despite peace and joy overflowing in my life, a deep anger against my mother-in-law's abandonment of me and my family remained. And, down the road, because I never dealt with the anger issue, bitterness and unforgiveness were what I harvested. It was ugly fruit in a life of faith.
As a new Christian, a friend invited me to join her at a Bible Study. Months into the study, I was convicted that God was calling me to forgive my mother-in-law. The problem was that I did not know how I could possibly forgive her. The roots of the hurt she had caused were wound so tightly around my heart. As time went on, I became willing to at least try to forgive, though trying to do it in my own strength never worked. Fortunately, an unforgettable day was right around the corner.
I was out to lunch with my mother-in-law, when a prayer rose up within me. The prayer was for God to show me what my mother-in-law looked like in His eyes. After breathing that silent prayer, I looked at my mother-in-law who was seated across from me. I was stunned! In that moment my mother-in-law looked beautiful—radiant—just as God saw her.
Leaving the restaurant, I was determined to forgive her. I told God that I wanted to forgive her, but I could not do it on my own. I needed His help. This was the start of a beautiful story.
Forgiving my mother-in-law turned out to be a longer process than I expected. But after much prayer, in tandem with God's help, the heavy weight of unforgiveness I had been lugging around was amazingly lifted from me! The cords of bitterness were cut, and I was finally free.
At the end of my mother-in-law's life, I realized the miracle that God had performed in my own heart. Once I surrendered my unforgiveness to Him, seeds of forgiveness were planted and eventually bloomed. Not one shred of unforgiveness remained in my heart toward her when she died. Instead I felt great love. God's love and His will for our relationship had prevailed.
Just hours before she slipped into a coma, Pete and I were privileged to have a front row seat in witnessing God's sure fingerprints of my mother-in-law's newfound salvation. Joy overflowed! A joy that never would have been present without God helping me to forgive her years prior.
