I will always remember the dad that came up to me after I spoke about screens and teens at a youth conference.
“It’s not my kids that I have a problem with. It’s my wife.”
What had begun as a positive use of Twitter to stay in touch with her friends had turned into an obsession for this man’s wife. She had started using Twitter to encourage women at church, tweeting short verses or prayers to women in need. A good start, right?
But now, his wife was constantly scanning her Twitter feed, even on date nights. She had earned the nickname “Twitter Queen” with her husband’s friends because she was constantly using her phone in her spare time.
This husband didn’t know what to do. He said, “She's such a great wife in every other way, but I’ve talked to her about this and she doesn’t stop. I don’t want to nag her about it, but it drives me crazy when we’re driving in the car and she’s on her phone.”
This husband is probably not alone in his frustration. Many times in a marriage, one spouse uses technology more than the other. We can be glued to our phones while we’re walking from the car to the store. At home, it’s easy to face a screen and get lost in it. We’re busy checking emails, social media, stock prices, news, and text messages. Headlines grab our attention and curiosity while our spouse and children sometimes go unnoticed.
No one wants to compete with a screen to get a loved one’s attention.
If you tend to be the one catching up on texts, emails and social media instead of simply being completely present with your husband or kids, here are four ideas to get less entangled by technology and more connected to your loved ones:
1. When your phone beeps, don’t pick it up immediately.
I know that you’re curious about what that text says, but practice that self-discipline of waiting. Restrain yourself from responding to everything that comes across your phone in a rushed manner. That text or email will still be there in a few minutes.
When my kids hear my phone beep at home, they instantly take it off the shelf and run it to me. “Don’t worry,” I say, “I can check that later.” I want to show them that I don’t view everything on my phone as urgent.
2. Practice a digital Sabbath.
The fourth commandment is, “Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God” (Ex. 20:8). The Lord knew that we would need a consistent time each week to rest, reflect, and be renewed. For many people, unplugging from the digital world once a week to be refreshed would do a great deal of good.
3. Refrain from screens at mealtimes.
Instead of eating food under the glow of the television or being interrupted by phone calls, use mealtimes for conversation. Get in the habit of putting your phones away at meals. That way, you will not be that family in the restaurant who is sitting around the table, each family member looking down at their phone or tablet.
4. Set a timer when you use social media.
A while back, I was on a radio show and someone called in to say how she began checking her Facebook page and, three hours later, realized that she hadn’t moved from her chair! Time can get away from us, can’t it? Try setting a timer for 15 minutes. This will help you realize how much time you are actually spending on social media. Be intentional about how much time you will spend each day with social media.
Remember the husband who was frustrated about his “Twitter Queen” wife? I don’t know what has happened to them. I don’t know if she has been able to curb her appetite for Twitter and look her husband straight in the eyes during date night. But I hope she has.
We can change. We don’t have to be known as social media queens. Instead, we can place our phones and all things digital after our family and friends.
