Have you ever been deeply hurt by someone, or even a group of people, whom you have never forgiven? Are you suffering? Are your wounds still painful? Even though you knew it was the right thing to do, were you unable to forgive? What do you think it means to forgive?
If so, perhaps Sarah’s story will help you. When Sarah entered my office, she was wearing a dark green dress. Her black hair swept to one side. She gave me a severe warning as she sat down. Her hands gripped her chair. Her brown eyes were underlined by dark circles. Sarah seemed filled with anger and fear as she exclaimed, “I’ve been told by many counselors that I must forgive my father, but I never will! I’m sick and tired of feeling like I do. I need help, but I’m warning you, if you even mention forgiveness to me, I’m walking out of here right now. I’ve been told that by counselors. I won’t listen to it again!” She covered her eyes as tears began to flow.
A STORY OF ABUSE
I thought, “If emotions bled, I would call 911.” When I asked her what had happened to cause such suffering, words almost exploded out of her.
What happened?” Sarah stood and began to pace. “My father molested me from the time I was five years old until I was sixteen. I told my mother, but she would not listen. I told my teacher, but she did not believe me. I was desperate by that time, so I went to my pastor. He scolded me for even saying such things, because my father was a very successful businessman and a member of our church. I finally realized that nobody was going to help me, so I ran away. I am 45 years old now. My life has been filled with nothing but pain. Everything bad that has happened to me is his fault.”
She paused to get her breath and said, “People tell me I must forgive him, but I can’t…and I won’t! He deserves to burn in hell. I hate him. All those years I wanted to kill him, but I was too afraid. Now I just want to kill myself, but I’m too afraid to do that.”
Have you ever been wounded so deeply that you felt like Sarah? What do you believe it means to forgive? Does it seem unfair?
What did she believe? When she told me what she had been taught about forgiveness, I could easily see why she was so resistant. I could easily see why she felt justified in refusing to forgive her father.
LIES ABOUT FORGIVENESS
- She should not expose him by demanding accountability and punishment.
- She should minimize his motives and actions. She should have believed that he did not realize that he was harming her.
- She should take the blame for what he did, believing that she had invited the molestation.
- She had been told that she should just ‘get over it and move on.’
How could Sarah get justice and release from what her father had done to her? I was silently praying and asking God the same questions. Suddenly two of God’s promises from the Bible came to me:
Romans 12:1 which says, “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave the way open for God’s wrath; for it is written, Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord” and Hebrews 10:30 which says, “For we know Him who said, Vengeance is Mine—retribution and the meting out of full justice rests with Me-I will exact the compensation, says the Lord. The Lord will judge and determine and solve and settle the cause and the cases of His people.”
I shared God’s promises with Sarah.
A CASE FOR HEALING
I followed the inspiration that had come to me. I asked, “This week, would you write down all the punishments that you believe your father deserves? Don’t censor yourself. Will you write out a sentence for what you believe he deserves? Bring it back with you and I will pray with you that God will get justice for you.
Sarah’s face lit up at the prospect. I said, “If you think your father deserves to die in prison, write that in the sentence. If you believe he deserves to be molested there, add that to your list. If you think he deserves to be publicly exposed, his reputation destroyed, let’s ask for that. If you believe he deserves to be castrated, to become sick and die, add that to your sentence. Prepare your case and next week, we will take your case before God Who promised to get vengeance for you. God promises to make your father pay for all that he did to you! Delighted, Sarah left to find the relief that she needed and deserved.
The next week, Sarah came to my office with her list in her hand. She slowly released the written sentence of her father to me. Then she hesitated.
JUSTICE FOR THE PAIN
As Sarah was paused, I said, “I’m ready to pray for God to punish your father for all that he did to you. Let’s get justice now.”
Then, Sarah’s response surprised me. She said, “I know my father deserves to be punished for all the harm he has done. But, as I read my list, it became scary to think that I could just ask God to do all those things to pay him back, even though he does deserve it all. I could just imagine my seeing it all begin and end in my father’s death in hell. That is more power than I can imagine. I was surprised that I almost wanted to ask God to have mercy on him.” Release had begun.
At that point, I asked Sarah, “Well, if you don’t to do it, you still need justice. You deserve it! You need release from your pain.”
Sarah sighed and replied, “It’s too much responsibility for me. God knows what my father did. I’m going to let Him bring judgment because He promised to do it. I know He will, and I don’t even want to think about it anymore. I don’t want to be twisted and sick by what my father or anybody did to me.”
A LIFE OF FREEDOM AND RELEASE
Sarah had never known that God would be her advocate, as well as the judge of her father. We asked Him to show her the next step in her life of freedom. She knew that her pain had been seen, and that God would punish her father. Sarah left her list of punishments with me.
Her final remarks: “I don’t want my life controlled by what anyone did to me. I trust that God will bring justice. I don’t want to give any more of my life to the past. I don’t want bitterness to rob me of the blessings God has for me any longer. I believe God will make a new path for me. I want to help others discover what forgiveness is and how it will change their lives.”
JUSTICE IS AVAILABLE TO YOU
Are you still suffering from what someone did to you? Do you still carry anger, fear, and bitterness? God has prepared a way of release for all those who have been so deeply harmed. Don’t wait—take the justice provided for you and begin to fully live.
FOR FURTHER STUDY
📖 Read:
🔍 Reflect:
- Have you ever believed the lie that forgiving someone means excusing their actions?
- What would it look like to entrust your need for justice to God instead of carrying it alone?
- In what ways might forgiveness bring you freedom—even if the other person never changes?
🙏 Pray:
God, You see the wounds that others don’t. You know the full story, and You promise to bring justice in Your time. I release my need to control the outcome and place my pain in Your hands. Help me trust that You are my Defender—and that Your healing is possible, even here. Amen.
