Loss is a reality today. Every week, I sit with clients, who are women just like you, grieving the loss of jobs, people they love, and the lives they thought they would live.
I lost someone I dearly loved three months ago. My parents called to let me know that my grandmother had quit eating and drinking and was getting weaker by the moment. Not only did I lose her, but because of nursing home safety, I wasn't allowed to visit her, to hold her hand, and be there for my parents.
The rest of the world has moved on, but I am still struggling with my concentration, my memory is scattered, and I'm still having really sad, low-energy days. Maybe you are experiencing similar feelings during this time of so many losses due to COVID-19.
These symptoms are completely typical for three months into the grief cycle, since the first part of grief is shock when it feels like this can't be real. A lot of times the intense emotion doesn’t hit until three to six months into the loss. It could be even longer if you have small children to take care of or something else going on that can prevent you from taking time to grieve. We are a culture that gives three days for grief, however, in biblical times they tore their clothes, put on ashes, and took an entire year to grieve.
Below are some grief recovery helps to allow God an opportunity to join us as we heal.
1. Create time and space to grieve.
We cannot avoid the feelings that accompany grief. We need to give ourselves moments to connect with God and allow our real feelings to surface and be released through tears, words, and even our very breath. I love the book of Psalms because the writers continuously spill out real, unedited thoughts and feelings to God.
2. Refrain from judging your thoughts and feelings.
The Psalmists don’t get mad at themselves for being human, and neither should we. I love how the book weaves sadness and anger with the truths of who God is and how He works, creating moments of hope. Let go of a checklist of how grief “should” look.
3. Let your timeline for grief be your own.
People continuously ask me if they are grieving right. God created each of us with unique personalities and ways of coping. Grief looks and feels different depending on the intensity of value we placed on what was lost, how traumatic or sudden the loss was, and how many other losses we are facing. Counselors describe multiple losses in a short period of time as "complicated grief," and we can experience "anticipatory grief " when we expect a future loss.
4. If you are stuck, get help.
Grief makes us vulnerable to Satan’s lies about who God is, how the world works, and how we see ourselves. It’s important to stay in God’s Word and remind yourself of His truths. Many church staff will pray and listen to those walking through grief, some churches even have programs that meet the needs of grieving members like Griefshare.org, a support group offered throughout the country.
5. Get professional help.
If you consistently don’t want to get out of bed, or you think about joining a loved one in heaven, or giving up because life seems too hard, you may need professional help. Hope deferred will make the heart, body, and mind sick. You may want to make an appointment with a Christian counselor who specializes in grief. Their presence, along with that of the Holy Spirit and an outcome-based treatment plan, can provide encouragement and baby steps to move toward embracing hope again.
Most people start feeling relief from unexpected waves of grief within the first year and often report that concentration and memory dramatically improve by the end of the second year after the loss of a spouse, child, loved one, or other great losses. Be assured that your season of grief won't last forever.
