This article contains content related to mental health struggles. If you or someone you know is in crisis, please call or text the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988, or visit 988lifeline.org. Help is free, confidential, and available 24/7.
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Do you know a woman who has been diagnosed with a mental illness? If so, you have a unique opportunity to serve as God’s instrument of comfort and encouragement. According to the American Psychological Association, “Published studies report that about 25 percent of all U.S. adults have a mental illness.” Surprisingly, she may not identify her condition as a mental illness. Until a year ago, I didn’t know that I have lived with bipolar disorder for 30 years.
How Can I Recognize a Mental Illness, so I Can Help?
There is no magic way to recognize a woman with mental illness unless she tells you. Just like you, she has feelings, faith, and fears. She wins battles and loses them. She is sometimes weak because of her illness. However, she is often strong due to her ability to face obstacles and overcome them. She could be you! She might live a very productive life and serve in a church or ministry. Or she may find it difficult to leave her house or take on a job. Attending church may be a giant step for her as well.
She may carry feelings of shame about her illness. It’s called “self-stigma,” which is defined as internalizing negative stereotypes about mental illness. She may prefer to keep quiet about it or she might live without self-stigma and share freely about her condition. Whatever the case, she is your sister in Christ.
How Can You Encourage Her?
1. Build a relationship.
My primary means of support are relationships with God, my family, and with Christian women. That’s why your relationship with her is so significant. As you mingle with women at church, greet her with a warm, friendly smile. Be yourself, not a projection of the perfect person you might want others to think you are.
When she tells you, “I have an anxiety disorder,” follow up with, “How are you doing?” No need to say more, unless you perceive that she wants to talk. If she brings it up again and wants to talk about it, be ready to listen to her without judgment or pity. Always be confidential about her information unless she tells you otherwise.
If a new acquaintance goes into a lot of detail about her condition, be sure to converse with her again. Your continued interest will assure her that you haven’t shunned her. About four years ago, I met with a young mom at a coffee shop for the first time, and I “overshared” the details of my illness. Later, I felt embarrassed that I had revealed so much to her, and I wondered what she thought of me. The next time I saw her at church, I went out of my way to greet her and make small talk. I desperately wanted to assure her that I was “normal.” She continued to keep up the friendship, and I felt so relieved. That’s how much the stigma of mental illness affected me.
2. Seek a deeper friendship.
If the Lord leads you to develop a closer friendship, start by asking her if she would like to exchange phone numbers and if you can text her sometime. Approach the relationship naturally as you would any other relationship. Invite her to lunch. Meet her for coffee. Laugh with her!
Invite her to your small group. Share about your own ups and downs. Text her occasionally and ask, “How can I pray for you today?” Give her a request of your own so she can pray for you. Interceding for her is one of the most valuable ways you can help your friend.
In times of vulnerability, a friend with mental illness may tell you that she is struggling to find joy and battling feelings of discouragement. Let her know she has your empathy. Share an encouraging verse of Scripture that has meant a lot to you in times of trial.
If I am feeling downhearted, I find great hope when I read Rom. 15:13 which says, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” However, don’t alienate her by implying that a few verses of Scripture is all it takes for her to "snap out of it."
3. Show intentional acts of kindness in times of crisis.
When I returned home from the hospital with my initial diagnosis of bipolar disorder at the age of 35, my church embraced me. They knew about what had happened and sent cards, brought meals, and babysat my children. Because people in my church demonstrated such love and acceptance, I actually felt little shame. Their tangible acts of service meant the world to me.
If your friend suffers through an especially difficult mental crisis, ask her if you can drop by for a visit. When I suffered from a traumatic episode of mania followed by severe depression, my friend Marge came to my home with a loaf of homemade banana bread and sat with me. I don’t remember what we talked about, but her simple kindness and presence touched me deeply.
4. Understand the need for medication.
Accept the fact that your friend may require medication for her illness. It’s not a lack of dependence on the Lord to see a psychiatrist who prescribes medication in order to normalize a chemical imbalance, stabilize a mood, or diminish depression or anxiety. Understand that it helps her to function well in her daily activities and to serve Christ more effectively, just like medication helps many other people with medical conditions function well.
If God brings a woman with mental illness into your life, you have the privilege of meeting her need for friendship, regardless of her illness. Don’t worry about “getting it all right.” God will teach you as you go. Whether you wish to keep the friendship casual or close, God will bless the connection you form. You may never realize what a difference your loving compassion will make in her life. Your influence might even save her life.
For Further Study:
📖 Read:
💭 Reflect:
- Am I a safe, compassionate presence for others—or do I unintentionally avoid hard conversations?
- What fears or misconceptions might I need to let go of in order to better support someone with mental illness?
- How can I create space in my life for deeper, grace-filled friendships?
🙏 Pray:
Lord, open my eyes to those around me who need encouragement. Help me be a faithful friend—someone who listens, prays, and walks with others in love. Amen.
📥 BONUS: Download the Mental Health Crisis Guide
This printable Mental Health Crisis Guide summarizes tips in an easy-to-use checklist—plus includes a curated directory of U.S. and international suicide prevention and mental health hotlines, as well as Christian counseling resources.
Includes:
- A printable crisis response checklist
- Suicide prevention and mental health hotlines (U.S. + international)
- Faith-based counseling and caregiver support resources
