People ask if I miss my home because I travel so much. (Bill and I can be away from our home for up to 200-230 days a year). But my reply is always, “Home is where your heart is.” My heart is with God, and He says:
- “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you (Heb. 13:5).
- “. . . for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go” (Josh. 1:9).
My heart is also with Bill, and most trips he is with me. In addition, my heart is with my kids and grandkids, and we are a far-flung family, so our travels actually help us see our family more often. My heart is with people, and we feel so blessed to have friends all over the world. Home is not a house—it is an attitude.
In a world where so many couples “commute to marriage” because of the need to travel, it is vital to remember: “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matt. 6:21). A recent study revealed, “Having a clear set of shared goals and being able to ask for assurance are essential for commuter marriages to work.” In other words, feeling the marriage and the family are the treasure, and sensing you are also treasured by your spouse, even when away, are vital. Are you treasuring your relationships more than your house?
Early in our young family’s life, we looked for ways to squeeze out more time together, so if that meant packing dinner and meeting Dad at church or bringing a tailgate picnic to the football sidelines, we would do that. Even now, that “family is worth it” attitude helps us prioritize flights or drives to our children and grandchildren.
Seeing them is more valuable than putting in that new Jacuzzi or remodeling our home. For other couples, making plenty of space and activities for family members of all ages is how they prioritize relationships. Love is what home really means.
Jesus modeled this, “home is an attitude” way of life. He replied, “Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.” He didn’t own an abode, but He personified the term abide.
It is admirable to create a home filled with love that is a calm place to recharge, renew, and re-energize. The goal is to have a home that is a safe place, not just a showplace.
In the past year, we downsized and sold our large home to move near Bill’s aging parents. We decided to buy a houseboat, so when the family came we had the opportunity for bonding away from cell phones on the open sea.
As a couple, ask these questions of “home and hearth” over a cup of coffee:
1. Are we struggling to pay our rent or mortgage?
Could we manage with less space and fewer things to maximize relationship with our children while they are growing up?
2. Why are we buying “things?”
Are we feeling pressure to live at a certain economic level or are we trying to meet an emotional need with things?
3. How might we adjust our lifestyle to gain more time together as a couple and as a family?
4. How can we use our space to better foster relationships with our family?
It could be as simple as adding a barbecue, patio table set, or corn hole game. Or it could be more elaborate like adding a Jacuzzi or pool.
5. What investment might we make to create a space or place for family time?
If finances are available, would having a time share, cabin or beach home, boat or RV, or camping equipment be a second “home” where memories could be made?
6. If empty nesters, ask, “Do we want to move to be nearer our grandchildren, our children, or aging parents?”
7. Is it time to downsize?
If so, would we be open to a simpler abode like an RV, tiny house, “granny flat,” cabin, or live-aboard boat?
A few years back, Bill and I were standing at the airport when my cell phone rang. It was my assistant, who said, “Pam, my husband drove by your home and the front door was wide open. Because he is a police officer, he checked it out. It appears your stuff is still in place, but I don’t really know if what matters to you is still there.”
I replied, “It’s not.” Then I glanced over to my precious husband standing next to me and replied, “What matters most to me is with me.”
