Emotional Abuse in Marriage

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on abuse in marriage

Thank you for this article. Briefly, my story-- I have been married for 22 years to an abusive man. It has included all--verbal, physical, financial, emotional. I stayed because of a lifelong pattern of being abused--starting as a toddler. Likely not really acknowledging all that was going on to myself, let alone 'telling' because I lived with what was known and comfortable. I seemed to have 'woken up' in the last year. I told my pastors and a couple of elders about a particularly violent incident 2 years ago. They tried to speak into our marriage back then, my husband's reaction was to leave our church. And he become angrier and more abusive toward me, and also try to convince me that I was abusing him. I stayed in the marriage, and have been in counseling with one of my pastors (who is also a therapist) since then. Fortunately I wasn't told any of the stupid things church people say...be a better wife and submit, work harder at the marriage, etc etc. I am slowly changing, and painfully realizing that I should be loved by my husband, that he has obligations before God. The story goes on.... This article gives good insight to the victim. I was the one who didn't say much, was alone, and lonely, and scared (honestly I still am) in a church that is friendly and loving, but no one seems to notice, and no one says a word to me. As my church has grown and newer members don't know I have a husband. Older members never ask about him. The pastor and the few elders who know, do care, and I know are in prayer. One is a lawyer who sent me to a divorce/family lawyer to get information on my rights, to make a better action plan. But...I am still a victim, and am still alone in this.
I think if more people could read information such as this, there would be better understanding of what goes on behind closed doors. Maybe learn to reach out to women like me.
I'm going to pass this on to my church, as our denomination (the PCA) this year has formed a task force to address this very issue. I appreciate the list of books as well. I don't have a plan to leave for a plethora of reasons. But reading this has been an encouragement.

Rachael 43 days ago

A Long Journey for You

Thank you for sharing with us Rachael. You have been on a long journey and experienced many difficult challenges. Its good that you have shared your story with a few at church who are truly able to provide counseling and support. Perhaps they could direct you to a support group of some kind where you could connect with women who are going through similar circumstances-- and could provide empathy and understanding in a way that would be encouraging to you. Is there a small group bible study at church that you could become a part of? Any sub-church group that is much smaller and more conducive to making friends and staying in touch between Sunday worship services at church. I wonder too, if you might be able to find someone to provide wise counsel who is a specialist with women who are facing the situation you are-- that might be of great help as you continue on this journey and perhaps need to make new or different decisions as your situation becomes more difficult or unsafe for various reasons. Continuing to be a victim is not healthy for you or anyone in your life including your spouse. I pray that you can continue to move forward with courage and resources and support that might help you step into new territory in your life that could free you from your present circumstances and lead you to a better life, one better than y ou could dream or imagine with God's help, grace, protection and provision.

Just Between Us 28 days ago