A friend once told me that having a baby was like brushing your teeth. You don’t think about it, you just do it. Well, I didn’t just do it; I thought about it until I drove my husband crazy.
I remember my pastor telling his whining eleven-year-old to participate in the children’s sports day. “Son, you’re going to run for God’s glory, and you’re going to like it.” Those words stayed with me. “For God’s glory…for God’s glory,” I echoed. Isn’t that why I’m here, why anyone is here? Having a child is sharing in God’s creation. There is no other valid reason. We will have children for His glory.
Only, God knew that I never planned on giving up my career. I planned on rearing my baby to serve the Lord—during evenings and weekends.
September 2, 1986 at 7:50 am, Robert Townsend Carman was born. I was 30. After that, the world as I knew it unraveled. As I watched Robert, I felt my stomach muscles tighten. Either my uterus is shrinking, or I’ve made a gross miscalculation.
Robert yawned, stretched his little fingers, and closed his eyes.
I can’t believe God entrusted me with this life, I grimaced. What was I thinking? How will I shape him for God’s glory while consumed with work?
“When in doubt, buy time,” I decided. So, I kept extending my maternity leave. My peers were confused. I was confused. I had the credentials corporate America wanted. Why would I invest so much time in my education only to walk away? Was I really going to give up all that I had strived for while other professional women have transitioned well by hiring a great nanny?
God and Robert kept tugging at my heart. I loved God, my son, my work. I loved being a successful career woman. Must I really be home for Robert? I tormented myself for months with checklists and decisions trees. I interviewed family, friends, teachers, neighbors. Meanwhile, my stomach churned constantly. I felt as if two people were living inside of me and each was choking the other!
God does not ask every woman to make this choice, but was God asking me to choose? Was He asking for me to be a stay-at-home mom?
When Jesus spoke, the waves became still. The turmoil subsided. The winds held their breath. When God’s Spirit touched me, my tongue was humbled and my anguish lost its fire. Above my confusion, the spirit of God soared. I was convicted.
God decides the sacrifice He wants from each of us. For me, He was asking me to leave corporate America and use my life to invest in my children. I did not know at the time that He had already planned my future. Like King David who cared for the flock before God trusted Him as shepherd to thousands, God was separating me for my children in preparation for my appointment to shepherd thousands of women as Founder and President of Inspire Women in Houston.
Peace descended. I felt as if the heavens opened and the angels were singing hallelujah. Rejoice! Rejoice! This earthling has decided, finally. God did not want my career, my salary, my talents. God wanted me, my total surrender to “Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness” (Matt. 6:33).
My tongue proclaimed it, but now my life must live it. After making my decision, I knew some days I would feel victorious. Other days, I would feel alone and second guess myself. I hung on to the Scripture: “Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,” I chose to “press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 3:13-14). I determined to etch God’s words deep within my soul and rest in the knowledge of His promise: “For those who honor me, I will honor” (1 Sam. 2:30)
Robert is now 33 and serving as in-house corporate attorney for a major company in Japan. Life has unfolded and what I see is not conjecture of my future but the evidence of decisions I have made. Was it the right decision? Yes!
I learned that God decides the worship He wants from each of us. For some women, He calls them out of corporate America. For some, He calls them to trust Him with their family while serving in corporate America. There is not one answer for all women, but there is one right answer for each woman. When my sons were in full-time school, God directed my education and training towards building the ministry of Inspire Women, which has reached over 40,000 women and awarded over $3 million in scholarships and grants. When once I thought I had given up so much for God, I discovered that we can never out-give God. He returns to us more than we could ever imagine for ourselves.
