Living Single in a Married World

It was a beautiful Sunday morning in southern Florida. I stood outside church, enjoying the sweet-smelling ocean breeze. The service had just ended and I was waiting for my friend to meet me so we could attend a singles fellowship. I looked forward to it.

Standing next to me was a woman.

She said, “Good morning,” and asked how I was. 

She then asked me if I was waiting for someone. I responded that I was. Our conversation continued.

She said, “So, quickly tell me a little about yourself. Do you have children?”

“No, I don’t.”

She then asked “What does your husband do?”

“I am single, never married.”

Her response was, “What’s wrong with you?”

I was dumb-founded by her response. To say I was insulted - and still am - is an understatement. I felt a deep sense of disrespect. She had made a lot of assumptions about me during our conversation.

A DIFFERNT PLAN

This conversation happened when I was in my late thirties and remains deeply etched in my brain. Now I am in my early seventies, and unfortunately the conversations about being solo with no children are much the same. When you are single, most of the world looks at you differently, as if you are lacking something.

I never thought that I would still be living solo at my age. Except for a brief (and I mean brief) ten months, I have been unmarried. I always dreamed of having a caring, loving husband and raising a wonderful, devoted family. I looked forward to a fulfilling life as a wife and mother. However, sometimes the life we have planned is quite different from what God has planned for us.

IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH US?

I have talked with and interviewed many singles over the years, and have received the same answers to my questions about society’s outlook on singleness, regardless of age. However, there appears to be an elementary difference between single men and single women. Men are applauded for remaining single and pursuing their dreams. Women, on the other hand, are often looked at as deficient in some way, and are frequently thought of as having something wrong with them. It is perceived that they have a dark aura keeping joy away from them, all their own doing. I have asked myself why this is so, because I do not believe it is true. I have no answers. Perhaps it is because married people say they feel fulfilled and the assumption is that single people, especially women, are not.

TIME TO SERVE

A number of years ago, a married woman asked me what I did to fill my time since I did not have a husband or children. I guess she thought I didn’t have much to do. So, I gave her a run-down of my life over the years. I shared with her that because I was single, I had time to do much of what I wanted to do, such as go to Bible school in England. After school was completed, I stayed for a number of months working with missionaries who were coming home from and traveling to the mission field. I mentioned that I was able to travel all over the world, meeting new people and learning new cultures. I was fortunate to always be employed doing what I wanted because I didn’t have to worry about providing for a family. I lived on my own, away from my home state of Wisconsin, for eighteen years. I traveled to foreign countries on mission trips and completed my Bachelor of Arts degree in my fifties. Upon moving back to Wisconsin, I went back to college to earn my Master’s Degree in education. I worked with the underprivileged and had my own time to do what I wanted and what I felt God called me to.

The woman was astounded and said to me, “I guess you have had the freedom to do all of those things.” Yes, indeed I have!

TEN MYTHS ABOUT SINGLES 

There are many myths about singles. It doesn’t matter what age the single person is, the myths remain. Here are ten of my favorites:

Myth 1:  If you are in a relationship, your life will magically be happier.

Myth 2:  The right one will come around if you stop looking.

Myth 3:  Your standards are too high.

Myth 4:  You hate being single.

Myth 5:  You are always lonely.

Myth 6:  You are self-centered.

Myth 7:  Everything is always about you.

Myth 8:  You will die by yourself and no one will find you for a long time.

Myth 9:  Your time is ticking.

Myth 10: There is a dark cloud over you.

WHAT SINGLES DO NOT WANT TO HEAR 

• Have you prayed about it?
• You have to love yourself before someone else can love you.
• You will meet someone once you become the best version of yourself.
• I think you are single because…..
• Maybe you’re too picky.
• Just keep putting yourself out there and you will find the right person.
• How are you still single?
• When you are ready, God will send the right person.
• Don’t worry, he/she is right around the corner.
• Don’t worry, your time will come.
• You will find plenty of fish in the sea.
• Why not spend time focusing on yourself instead?
• What’s wrong with you?
• Deciding to get married is the best decision you will ever make.

CONTENT WITH GOD'S PLACEMENT 

The apostle Paul says in I Cor. 7:8 that it is good for the unmarried and the widows to remain single, like he was. It is not wrong to be married and have a family; it is a good thing. However, priorities are different when someone is married. Paul goes on to say in I Cor. 7:20 that each person should remain in the condition in which they were called. We are not to grumble and complain about where God has placed us (I Cor. 10:10) because we may hurt our walk with Jesus Christ. For me, at least up to this point, I have been called to be single.

Ephesians 5:15 tells us to “look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time and of every opportunity.” I have tried to do that. I want my life to reflect obedience to what I have been called to do. I desire to burst the myths society has about singles.

WHAT AM I KNOWN FOR? 

I don’t want to be known as “that single person”. I want to be known as the person who trusts God, believing He will give me what He knows I need. I desire to serve Him, read His Word, pray, and do what He has called me to do. I’m living an exciting life, and it’s just beginning as I experience the new and wonderful things He has called me to. I keep “putting myself out there”, not to find a man, but to serve God. He has entrusted me with the gift of singleness and expects me to do what He has called me to do with that gift.

My hope is that people will be careful about how they perceive singles, whether they are young or older. We are people, just like everyone else, and long to be treated as equals. I pray people think before they speak and encourage the singles they know to follow the path Jesus has led them down. We will thank you for it!