Befriending the Foreigner
As the world scatters its people all around the globe, it is our turn to reach out and befriend the foreigners in our life. What will our response be?
I am just a private citizen with no immigration expertise, but I have the opportunity to impact the lives of some of the most vulnerable and disillusioned people with a heart of love and hospitality. For those coming from countries closed to Christians, I may well be the first believer they meet. I can potentially introduce them to Jesus and show them what He can mean in their lives.
And, I am a woman.
WOMEN ARE POWERFUL CONNECTORS
The women of the world, particularly the Muslim world, are often seen as second-class citizens or worse. They are not always uneducated or even unloved, but typically, they are very restricted in the expression of their personhood. They are covered, they are invisible, and they are not to be in the presence of men outside their family.
As a female, I have incredible power to reach these unseen human beings. I can speak to them, touch them, embrace them, have them in my home uncovered, visit in their homes, and share as the sisters we really are. The riches of such relationships give back much more than the cost to me in time or resources.
Here are six of my international friends’ personal stories (with names changed and specific countries unidentified for their safety):
MIDDLE EASTERN MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Leena and Suzan are a mother and daughter who arrived in America almost two years ago. They came with their family of seven seeking religious freedom and relief from local persecution. They left behind their home and businesses, extended family, and everything familiar. Leena was an experienced medical professional, and Suzan had just completed high school when the family crossed the ocean to a new life.
Over two years ago, their family randomly entered the doors of my home church to find help for their desperate situation. Low finances, antagonistic neighbors, and threatening family members, were bearing down on the adults and children. Many generous Christians banded together to find a safe location in a rural town where a loving church adopted Leena’s traumatized family. The three younger children entered their third school since coming to the U.S., and all finally began to sleep well at night.
My husband and I visit Leena’s family as often as we can make the trip. We marvel at their commitment to learn English and the Bible. We celebrated when their work permits arrived and their legal case continued to find favor. Starting from the bottom of the career ladder once again, Leena successfully passed her CNA (certified nursing assistant) exam, and Suzan followed in her footsteps. Both are pursuing jobs in retirement homes and nursing centers, and furthering their education as funds allow.
CENTRAL ASIAN ENGINEER
Donya is a single 33-year-old woman with excellent English skills who migrated here a year ago, leaving her engineering graduate studies and other family members behind. Donya investigated Christianity after visiting in America a couple years earlier. Returning home would mean walking away from this new sense of peace and connection to God.
When the long-awaited work permit arrived, Donya attended job fairs with me and completed applications for her first job. In October, she was hired as seasonal help for a local UPS store and rejoiced at the kind coworkers and boss. After the holidays, Donya gladly accepted a chance to continue at the store. She hopes for work in engineering one day, but not all her foreign university study is recognized in the U.S. She needs to upgrade her skills and learn engineering all over again in a new setting. For now, she is happy to have work.
I take Donya to Bible study groups, movies, restaurants, and city events. She loves to come to my house when my family members visit, especially the three little granddaughters. Holding a sweet toddler and playing games with preschoolers make her face light up with joy.
We engage in all manner of girl-talk, and I offer American cultural insights. I taught her how to make a pumpkin pie in the fall and encouraged her to bravely accept an unfamiliar house dog-sitting invitation by a woman from church.
Donya has many fears from her former life traumas, but with God’s help and many friends to journey with her, she is slowly embracing new freedoms.
AFRICAN MOTHER
Jane is a young mother who gave birth to her third son in my hometown, her first American baby. The other two young sons came with her and her husband from the Democratic Republic of Congo many months ago. After living in a Ugandan refugee camp, where they lived for several years, I taught Jane English, as well as how to wash dishes with hot water and use a can opener. These are only a few of the mysteries she encounters daily.
When my teaching partner and I arrived each week, we never knew for sure what other women might be joining the tutoring or if Jane would actually be home. Communication is difficult and timeliness is clearly a “Western thing.” Her friendly smile and words of thanks kept us coming back for several months and letting go of any frustrations that might arise.
Sometimes I corralled the little ones, so the moms could learn about money, days of the week, greetings, and new vocabulary with my partner. I snuggled the peaceful babies and watched Baby Einstein DVDs with the preschoolers to teach them colors, shapes, and numbers in English.
AFGHAN STUDENT
Aiysha is a college student from Afghanistan majoring in international Relations and women studies at a U.S. college on a full scholarship. I have known her family a long time from my years living in Kabul. She joins my family for Christmas holidays, and this past summer she lived with me while interning with an immigrant resettlement organization.
She regularly connects via Skype and FaceTime with her family members who left Afghanistan last year and are doing well living in another country. She hasn’t seen them in three years. In May, my husband and I will travel to Pennsylvania for her graduation and cheer her accomplishments in person, as her parents will from across the world. She hopes to go to law school and one-day return to her home country to improve justice for women, children, and all citizens.
AFGHAN MOTHER
I have another Afghan friend, Hosai, a married woman with seven children ages 7 to 19. They all attend public school or formal language classes in my hometown. Her husband served for years as a military intelligence translator in Afghanistan. He received U.S. immigration papers for himself and his family three years ago.
On Monday afternoons I drive to her apartment, sit on her clean toshaks, drink chai, and practice reading Dr. Seuss books. I help her review English vocabulary, alphabet letters and sounds, and common phrases, so she can navigate American shops and comprehend important information for her family.
When her oldest daughter is home to bridge our language gap, we talk about cultural differences, medical needs, sewing, and even driving regulations. I share photos from my years in Afghanistan and current ones of my family members. The house is a peaceful place, and Hosai smiles and even laughs at times. That makes me smile, too.
I WAS THE FOREIGN WOMAN FOR SEVEN YEARS
When I went to Kabul in 2005 to serve as principal of ISK (International School of Kabul), the American K-12 school, I needed local friends to help me understand the expectations of my new home. Afghan women showed me how to barter and handle chaotic marketplaces. They taught me how to dress, wear a headscarf, and blend in as much as possible to avoid male stares and shopkeeper hassles. I enjoyed evening meals in their homes, sharing stories, and cultural differences. We hugged and kissed cheeks and felt the connected challenge of working and homemaking, raising children, and investing in our communities for a better future for all.
As the world shakes and scatters its people all around the globe, it is my turn to reach out to foreign women. This is my contribution to present day history making of the refugee/immigrant crisis. I want to make the most of my friendship opportunities with foreign women, who are just women planted in my sphere of influence.
Whom are the foreign women in your world? What will be your response?
10 WAYS TO CONNECT WITH FOREIGN WOMEN
1. Check with the local resettlement agencies in your area for the needs they have.
Clothes, coats, shoes, furniture, meals, and household items are essential to families arriving with few resources.
2. Educate yourself on a particular people group and culture living in your location.
Find out what foods they eat, make a welcoming meal, and learn greetings in their native language.
3. Develop relationships with shopkeepers, hairstylists, and nail technicians by asking questions and showing interest.
Let them see you as a friendly Christ-follower who is open to spiritual as well as practical conversation in a non-threatening way.
4. Volunteer to be an English tutor or conversation partner.
Local colleges and churches sponsor English classes to help immigrants assimilate quickly. The main qualification is being a native English speaker.
5. Host an international friends group in your home or at a local community center.
Meet regularly with others who have the same interest to help immigrants make new friends while practicing English and learning cultural information.
6. Transport immigrants to work interviews, doctor appointments, or shopping trips.
Here is another opportunity to practice English and show care.
7. Invite new friends to your home and share your family.
This is the most influential way to make friends. Hospitality translates through every culture as a sincere connection point.
8. Sponsor an international student from your local university.
Text, call, or take her to lunch or coffee regularly to see how things are going. Invite her into your home for holidays or weekend meals. Take on sightseeing outings and show off America.
9. Start a Discovery Bible study with a small group and invite new international friends.
This is not an academic, pastor-led experience, but rather people reading selected Bible passages, talking together about what is learned, and making personal applications.
10. Bring your international friend to church or other formal study groups if she is comfortable.
This is not usually the best first step due to large cultural differences and misunderstandings, especially among Muslim-background friends. Contemporary religious services can appear irreverent and offensive without thorough preparation and exposure to American culture and Christian traditions before attending church.
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