I Feared My Father

At six feet tall, my dad wasn’t a giant-sized man and he never abused me.

We were actually quite similar and had a close relationship. Often we laughed and talked for hours covering all types of topics - personal, political, even religious.

So why was I afraid of my father growing up?

My dad had a strong personality, and was proactive and quick with his tongue. He seemed to know everything, often before hearing our version of events at the dinner table. His presence filled our house, directed our meal conversations, and defined our family legacy.

His rules and boundaries for the four of us were not very flexible. If you crossed the line, he was there to meet you. In detail he would explain your mistake and the consequences, already laid out prior to any misstep.

Confidence grows in authority figures that care enough to hold firm the safe, for-our-good boundaries that we silly, selfish, head-strong children push against.

THE POSITIVE IMPACT OF FEAR 

However, I am happy to have grown up with this fear, this awe of my dad. It protected me from some typical, crazy adolescent mistakes and saved me from my unrealistic, overcommitted high school self many times.

He embraced the burden of being the grown-up, even against my linear, seemingly-irrefutable arguments as a budding young adult pushing the limits of parent respect and obedience. He took the time to show me my wrong thinking. Other times he let me do things my way and if all went awry, reviewed what could be done differently next time. (Once when I threatened to run away in junior high, he walked over to open the door for me.)

Knowing that my dad stayed on the throne and was not swayed by emotional blackmail created a secure, safe place to explore my own identity. Within the carefully placed fences of personal safety and wise choices, my dad taught me I could bloom into whatever fit my skills and personality, and even risk failure to learn from errors.

TRANSFERRING MY LOYALTY TO MY HEAVENLY FATHER 

Throughout the growing up journey with my dad, his acceptance and delight in me was not altered by my reckless, ungrateful, and challenging behaviors and adolescent backtalk. I never doubted his care and support. Good grades and top awards made him clap but did not become the measurement of his love. Mistakes were not thrown back in my face to deepen my shame or grant him control when he saw me acting “too big for my britches.”

This unconditional favor, undeserved and often surprising, paved the way for me to choose to submit to God.

From a young age, I believed the full gospel message. Just as I wanted to be close to my dad, I never wanted to be far from God, even as a child.

I surrendered my life to follow Jesus in college. I believed I would experience the same security I enjoyed under my dad’s leadership. I would be free to grow, to risk, to dream, and to be ambitious and goal-oriented within the safe framework of the destiny written by my loving Creator and heavenly Father.

When I needed correction, God guided me to His Word and the wise counsel of the Holy Spirit. I debated and questioned through prayer and Bible study like the late night talks I enjoyed with my dad. Sometimes He let me do things my way, and when pain and regret washed over me, showed me a better way, changing my heart little by little to see His view and avoid future rebellion.

True freedom results from a healthy fear that God will do what He says, that His promises hold fast, and that if we come under His mission, good will result for us...We should fear such a God and Savior. And in that fear, be fully confident to receive His tender, unfathomable love for us.

LOVE AND FEAR WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD 

Some well-meaning preachers, Christian parents, and leaders say, “God is to be respected, not feared.” In trying to present God to unbelieving, skeptical, hurting people, they want to focus on His loving nature and leave fear behind.

I find this a weak presentation in a day we desperately need strong and unrelenting heroes to trust in.

My experience with my own father and with God for the past four decades demonstrates that fear and love work wonderfully together. Confidence grows in authority figures that care enough to hold firm the safe, for-our-good boundaries that we silly, selfish, head-strong children push against.

True freedom results from a healthy fear that God will do what He says, that His promises hold fast, and that if we come under His mission, good will result for us.

To demonstrate the full extent of His love as well as His unchanging plan for mankind’s salvation and gateway to eternity, God sent His only Son. Jesus came close to us. He walked on Earth to show us the Father in a way we could understand - frail flesh and bone - caring for people as God directed.

Finally, in the most fearful display of power ever encountered, Jesus resurrected Himself for us to conquer death, our biggest foe, and pave a way for us to be reconciled to a Holy God.

We should fear such a God and Savior. And in that fear, be fully confident to receive His tender, unfathomable love for us. Embrace the mystery!