Is Your Husband Thriving?

In the spring of 2016, I was soaking in the warmth of the glorious spring sun on the patio of a retreat center in central Wisconsin. In between sessions at the mother-daughter retreat where I was speaking, the retreat director—who is also my mentor—slid into the Adirondack chair next to me, kicked off her flip flops, leaned her head back, closed her eyes, and asked, “Is your husband thriving?”

Whoa. That one question would turn my life upside down.

The last few years had been excellent but also tricky at the same time. Personally, I was my perfect role. Serving as part-time middle school director at our church and full-time mom was the culmination of all my experiences, gifts, and passions into one ideal role. I was a part of an amazing team of pastors and leaders. I was writing and planning and organizing and starting to get into the speaking circuit. I’d poured myself into 10 annual classes of students (10 generations really), mentoring some into marriage. In short, I was thriving.  

But my husband wasn’t. 

His position was not utilizing his gifts and certainly not engaging his passions. He was weighed down with tasks he not only dreaded working on but also didn’t agree with. He’s an extremely hard worker and always gives 110 percent into whatever he’s asked to do, but he was growing weary.  

No, he wasn’t thriving.  

My mentor’s question officially started what began as an undercurrent for many months and became what we deemed “restlessness” and a yearning for more. My husband and I began to pray, even begging the Lord to clearly lead us. 

Seeking the Lord

For the first time in my life, I chose to step back and take on the role of prayer warrior more seriously than ever. I’m a girl who likes to be in control. I tend to make my decisions and then ask God to bless them later. But we were looking at big life change, and I wanted—no, I needed—it to be from the Lord, not from me. I wanted God to lead my husband, who was leading my family, and I did not want to get in the way. 

I wanted to see him thrive.

In an effort to protect our church and ministries, we took our time seeking the Lord, sharing our restlessness with only two couples as we began to explore opportunities. We looked into West Africa. We investigated China. We carefully sifted through opportunities both locally and nationally. I was on Zillow.com every night. 

Door after door closed. But then, last fall, a door opened. For him. For us. 

But would I still thrive? “Oh no,” I asked myself,  “are we really thinking about this?”

I didn’t want to move. I loved my job. I loved my students. I loved my team. I loved our house. I loved my best friend. All of our family and friends were there. It was all our kids knew. We had just flipped our house and designed it to serve our ministry perfectly.        

Our kids attended one of the best school districts in the state. I couldn’t bear to tell our parents.     

We’re comfortable here! It’s easy here!

Comfortable. Easy. Home.

The interview process dragged on through the holidays and then longer as my husband led teams overseas. With each passing phase I was both excited and scared. And lonely. I wanted my amazing team to be praying for us. I wanted my prayer warriors on their knees helping us to confirm our decision. I’d never felt so lonely in all my life. It’s all I thought about, and yet I could not talk about it. 

Trusting in Him

On January 1^st of each year, we sit our kids down and write out our goals for the year. My husband and I also decide on a word for the year. My word for 2017 was trust. I knew this year would be big. I needed to trust my almighty God. He already knew where we’d end up.  He already knew the time line. He already knew how it would go down.  

There are so many verses about trust in the Bible. The word “trust” is used more than 170 times in the Bible. It means to believe, to lean on. Proverbs 3:5-6 became my mantra. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” That strikes a chord. I don’t understand God’s timing. I don’t understand why God closes some doors and opens others.    

God’s Word explains that I am not alone in trusting God when I don’t understand:  

• God asked Noah to build an ark in a desert. 
• God asked Abraham to sacrifice the son God had promised him. 
• God told Moses to ask Pharaoh to free millions of people and take them into the desert.  
• God told the Israelite army to fight with a shout and trumpets rather than swords. 

His word reassures me that even if I don’t understand; I can still trust in the God who is in control.  

Even when it seems like thriving is far off. 

The day we accepted the offer, we lay wide-eyed in bed wondering what we’d just done. The day we put our house on the market, I cried myself to sleep. The day we told our employer and teammates, we cried in a church office. The day we sold our house, I bawled. What had we done? There was no going back. 

But God was—and is—in control. God was faithful. God remained the same when my world seemed to be spiraling out of control. God was listening as we held our tongues rather than defend our decision. God was watching as we chose the high road in an effort to protect our church and its staff, which seemed to throw us under the bus with church leaders. God comforted as we told our inconsolable children. God encouraged us through His word and through our faithful friends who prayed for us even when they didn’t want us to leave. God led us as we stepped out in faith to honor Him with our lives.  

Responding in Faith

When God calls us to leave all we know and love how do we respond? How do we get through? Here are three actions—decisions to trust—that have made all the difference for us:

1.  We draw close to God.

Even when I was angry, I needed to blast the worship music.  Even though I didn’t always hear His voice, I needed to pray and read His Word. I needed to trust Him. Even when I didn’t feel like it. Or especially when I didn’t. 

2.  We praise God.

We praise Him for the friends who selflessly pray for God’s best for us. For the friends who clean our windows and pack our stuff to prepare to sell our house. For the friends who pray for us and daily text us verses and quotes and encouragement through their own tears of loss. 

3.  We obey God.

With trust comes obedience. The words “obey” or “obedience” are used more than 140 times in the Bible. As we grieved great loss, we obeyed because we were confident God was moving us. God was calling us to more. We knew we needed to use our gifts and strengths and passions to their full potential. We could have stayed and been very comfortable. But Jesus never asks us to be comfortable. He never says our life here will be easy. He asks us to trust, to obey, and to be willing to give it all up for HIS sake. 

Psalm 55:22-23 states, “Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous be shaken...But as for me, I trust in you.”

It’s fall. One year has passed since that beautiful door opened. We have moved across the country. We’ve left everything we know and love. Our kids are in a new school. I’m FUNemployed, having been stripped of my identity as middle school director, speaker, and mentor, I’m trying to re-learn what it means to be a child of God, daughter of the King, wife and mom.  

And my husband is thriving.  

~ Name Withheld