Pacing Your Marriage
It is impossible to be involved with people and not be busy. How do you figure out how busy you should be as an individual or as a couple? How do you find balance between underachieving and burning out?
It begins with finding your pace. In Bill’s book, 10 Best Decisions a Man Can Make, he shares an easy-to-use way to identify and evaluate your pace. Bill describes five pace categories for the speed at which each of us functions best: The Muscle Car, The Sports Car, The Semi, The Mail Truck, and The Tractor.
The Muscle Car
Muscle cars have big engines and are designed to go in a straight line with an abundance of pull and dramatic speed. This is the person who:
- Charges hard toward goals
- Makes quick decisions
- Pursues big opportunities
- Can often be heard to say, “Let’s go!”
- Stays focused on the goal with clarity and commitment
- Experiences little fear in life because his or her direction is clear, unhindered, and uncomplicated
- Biblical Example: Paul
The Sports Car
These vehicles are fun, agile, and quick. This person prefers roads that have lots of turns and quick transitions. This is the person who:
- Lives for the surprise around the next corner of life
- Is most interested in new opportunities, new experiences, and new discoveries
- Gets bored when there are no spontaneous enhancements
- Like the muscle car, likes to go fast
- Unlike the muscle car, does not just want to go fast in one direction
- Inspires others by exposing them to new possibilities
- Biblical Example: Philip
The Semi
Some people operate in life more like a semi truck. This is the person who:
- Starts and stops slowly
- Plans out and takes time to navigate course corrections
- Once moving, can travel long distances
- Maintains a steady, even pace carrying large amounts of responsibility
- Is not spectacular or nimble but keeps the rest of us going
- Forms the backbone of our communities, our organizations, and our churches
- Biblical Example: Martha
The Mail Truck
This is the person who has a sign on his or her back, “Makes Frequent Stops.” This person:
- Is intensely interested in individuals
- Finds life interrupted by conversations and projects to help people
- Makes individuals feel important
- Is engaging and encouraging
- Starts with energy and then stops to help
- Makes enthusiastic commitments then stalls because of the needs of someone close to him or her
- Biblical Example: Jesus, Barnabas, Mary
The Tractor
Tractors are incredibly useful, but they move slowly. Tractors plow the ground, dig furrows, plant seeds, and harvest crops. They move snow, move dirt, move rocks, and move farmers. This is the person who:
- Is easy to follow and keep track of
- Takes time off when the weather is bad
- Patiently waits for the strategic time
- Tends to have one speed and works at that speed all day
- Is often taken for granted
- Does some of the most important work on earth
- Biblical Example: Ruth
Which of the five vehicles best represents you and your spouse? How do your different paces challenge your marriage or complement it? Be bold in your assessment. You and your spouse were created this way because it’s part of God’s plan for your lives and marriage.
5 Tips for Pacing Your Spouse:
1. Practice your pace.
Ask yourself, “Are we at the right pace?”
2. Restart regularly.
All of us get off pace at times. When you realize it – stop, pray, and restart.
3. Encourage your spouse’s pace.
His pace may be different than yours. Look for ways to help him keep his pace while you maintain yours.
4. Yield to stress.
When you notice stress in yourself or your spouse ask, “Are we off pace?” If the answer is, “Yes,” restart.
5. Regroup when necessary.
Sometimes in a road trip, caravan vehicles will travel at different speeds, so you either adjust your speed or need to rendezvous to regroup. Talk with your spouse about which method works best for your marriage.