The Witness of a Strong Marriage

Over the years my wife and I have frequently enjoyed dining in a favorite restaurant close to our home. It was quiet, the service was excellent, the food was good and the price was right! But there was a problem—it was quiet because nobody seemed to know the restaurant existed. So management took decisive action, “refurbished” our favorite haunt, and turned it into something entirely different—barely recognizable. 

We discovered the extent of the change one evening when two married couples—old  friends—joined us for dinner in the new establishment. Gone was the usual menu. In its place, we were treated to a lengthy explanation by a young waiter of the “adventure in dining” that we were about to experience. Gone too were the small intimate tables we were used to and in their place stood a long refectory style table that looked as if it had seen better days. And gone too was the quiet atmosphere. This was our “adventure in dining.”

We were assigned seats at the end of the long table that rapidly filled up with about twenty people, none of whom we knew. The mealtime passed pleasantly—and intriguingly—without incident and as we were leaving walking past the people with whom we had shared our table a funny thing happened. The people turned towards us and said, “We were watching you.” “You really enjoyed being together didn’t you?” “You guys are so cute. You were having so much fun.” “You made our day!”  But it was not so much the words they spoke as the tone in which they were spoken. There was a wistfulness—a longing—a reaching out. And it surprised us.

Apparently, they had seen something that they liked and perhaps felt they were missing. But what had they seen? Nothing out of the ordinary as far as we were concerned. We were not aware that we were being “watched,” so we were certainly not putting on a performance. But as I thought about it, I wondered if the fact that we represented different generations had caught their attention. Younger and older people were at ease in each other’s company. Each was contributing to the conversation. All were listening to what the others had to say.  

Or, was it the way the three men and three women were relating? We were all eager to hear each other. Our conversation had been non-stop, animated, punctuated with much laughter and not a little teasing and joshing. As usual, we had prayed at the beginning of our meal, but that in itself is not unusual in our part of the world and would not have led our co-diners to comment on how much we were enjoying ourselves! So we left the restaurant confused by our “adventure” and wondering about the response of our neighbors at the communal table.  

In recent days, something else happened that surprised us. Jill and I regularly speak to groups of young people in different parts of the world.  We are quite often introduced by someone who doesn’t know us personally, but who uses a bio off our website. It mentions that we have been married for 58 years. On a number of occasions, the information about our lengthy marriage has elicited a standing ovation! Spontaneous, unrehearsed and unsought! The young people clap, hoot, holler and whistle—and all we’ve done is stay married and live a long time! But here again we’ve sensed a wistfulness, a longing—even a sadness. Obviously, they are not congratulating us because we have done something that they have failed to do. Most of them are not married and none of them has lived long enough to do anything for a long time! It’s not as if they are saying, “We know from experience how hard it is to be and stay married and we admire those who manage to do it!” Perhaps they are saying that their lives lack what a stable marriage brings, that they appreciate commitment when they see it even if they are hesitant to embark on it themselves. But in talking to them, they usually say, “We love the way you relate to each other.” “You obviously enjoy each other!” And they are apparently surprised by joy. Ours!  

Today, an alarming number of young people have parents who are no longer married to each other. During their formative years they have lived through the relational breakup of the two most important people in their lives and they have been caught up in the dissolution of their family. They are far too familiar with marital disappointment, strife, and pain and it would be understandable if they have concluded that their sad experience is normative. If that is so, then we should not be too surprised if the younger generation either delay marriage indefinitely or reject it outright. But if and when they encounter a couple of people who are married and are apparently very happy about it, they’re drawn to it. They like it. It is appealing–it’s almost as if subliminally they sense it is right and good, beautiful, and desirable. Perhaps a little voice is whispering in their inner ears, “This is how it’s supposed to be!”

Married men used to ask, “Why is marriage like a besieged city?” and the answer, usually accompanied by male guffaws was, “Because everybody outside is trying to get in and everybody inside is trying to get out.” Not very funny and in today’s world there is too much ironic truth in it to be amusing. The irony is that as traditional marriage encounters hard times clearly illustrated by the incidence of divorce, separation, or rejection of marriage as a viable relationship—and the powerful LGBTQ lobby powerfully and successfully leads the charge for their relationships to be designated as “marriages”—some want out and others want in! While in the resulting societal turmoil, marriage as something ordained by God and characterized by love, faithfulness, mutual enrichment, forgiveness, and grace is falling off the radar screen of our culture. And this is where we need to be reminded that it is in this kind of environment that examples of loving, joyful, long lasting and satisfying marital relationships are not only desperately needed, but are readily recognized and, as we have seen, are frequently honored and admired. It might be a novel thought to some that in addition to a healthy marriage spelling out a fulfilled lifestyle, a marriage of this kind can light a candle in the darkness of our cultural wasteland. And for the Jesus-follower this is surely part of our calling. What I have shared about marriage, of course, applies to all kinds of relationships into which we enter and in which we frequently struggle. 

Let me take you back to the noisy restaurant for a moment or two. Remember the comments of the people sharing our table who volunteered that they had been watching us and felt constrained to comment on what they had seen? Some of their comments led me to think on what King David wrote, “I sought the Lord and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces will never be ashamed” (Ps. 34: 4, 5, ESV, italics mine). This doesn’t mean that those who relate to the Lord wear halos when they go out for dinner!  Neither does it convey the thought that faces glow with celestial light. But it does tell us that there is a direct link between “looking to the Lord” and a resultant inner peace that shows in outer disposition that radiates. 

So what does it mean to “look to the Lord” and experience Him in daily life?

1. I will bless the LORD at all times (Ps. 34:1). An ongoing recognition of the Lord’s goodness and grace expressed in an attitude of thankfulness. 

2. My soul makes its boast in the LORD (Ps. 34:2). An attitude of humble, grateful acknowledgement of utter dependence on the loving kindness and tender mercies of our God. 

3. Oh magnify the Lord with me (Ps. 34:3). An unabashed exuberant desire to communicate and share knowledge of the Lord.

4. I sought the LORD and He answered me (Ps. 34:4a). A wondering testimony of access to the Lord through prayer and the certainty that He hears and answers. 

5. (He) delivered me from all my fears” (Ps. 34:4b). An enjoyment of freedom from things that militate against joy and battle against godliness and grant confidence and contentment. 

King David’s words strike a chord in our hearts. We recognize that enjoying the Lord, trusting in Him, obeying Him, looking to Him when perplexed, and turning to Him when sad and lonely leads to an inner disposition that works its way out not in a golden glow or a beatific beam, but in an unpretentious, unassuming, unmistakable lifestyle that is appealing and attractive. A lifestyle that opens people’s hearts to King David’s heartfelt cry, “O taste and see that the Lord is good” (Ps. 34:8).

So next time you prepare to go out for dinner—or just to go out into the big wide world—take a few moments to “look to the Lord” on the understanding that He will work a work of grace in you that can and should radiate from you. And it is quite possible that as you taste your dinner the people at the next table will see something in you that they long for!