Talking to Your Kids' About Sex

One day a grade schooler came home and in the middle of doing her spelling homework she asked her mother, “How do you get babies?”

Flustered, the mother rambled explaining about the birds and the bees and body parts. She waxed on about moral responsibility and wise choices. Her daughter sat wide-eyed and mouth gaping open as she tried to process the barrage of information. 

The next day while the little girl sat doing her homework again, she proclaimed to her mother, “Mom! I know how to make babies!”

Mom smiled thinking the talk went better than she first thought. Then her daughter said, “Yes, our teacher told us today. You drop the “y” and add “ies”!

Imperfect answer? Maybe, but this mom’s heart is in the right place. We have all been there —at a loss for words, or struggling to find the right thing to say when your child asks, “Where do babies come from?” Or our tween or teen pose more difficult questions like, “Why should I wait for marriage for sex?” Or your college student says, “All my friends live together, why shouldn’t we?” 

God wants things to be different for our kids. His plan for sex is clear. It is a gift, and that gift is for married couples. God is calling all of us parents to become watchmen on the wall to protect our children’s lives, their futures and even the institution of marriage. 

We released a new book, 10 Questions Your Kids Will Ask About Sex  that cover many more than ten questions kids ask from preschool to premarital! Keep these principles in mind as you prepare to dialogue with your child or teen about the all-important topic of sex. 

Talk First

Cover the basic biology before they hear about it on the playground. Talk about body changes before they happen and feelings for the opposite gender before they are interested in the opposite sex. 

Talk Enough

Give them 20 percent more information than they ask for. Answer the question with a short answer first, wait for response, and then offer more details as you need to. 

Talk Positively

Positive messages are better than negative. Instead of saying “don’t do this or that,” reframe it into an affirmative. Tell them that sex is a good gift and that is why it is to be protected until expressed in marriage. 

Talk Honestly

Use accurate medical terms instead of nicknames for body parts. And if you lacked in judgment in an area growing up, share this information at an age-appropriate time

Talk, Then Listen

Learn to listen, not just lecture. Practice questions like: Have you heard the term _____? Do you know what _____ is? Do you have any questions about what I shared with you? 

Talk United

Teens that live in intact homes with both Dad and Mom involved in these discussions are much less likely to be involved in premarital sex and risky behaviors. (If a single mom, look for a healthy male role model to be in your child’s life.)

Bring God into the Talk

One study indicated that girls are less likely to have premarital sex if their mothers cited religious reasons in their discussions. In a recent study, 45 percent of teenage boys cited religion to be the main factor in their sexual decisions.

Talk Because It Makes a Difference

In a national survey more than nine out of ten teens agreed that among the benefits of waiting to have sex is enjoying the respect of parents. Mom and Dad—you do make a difference!

No one can replace you, a loving and God-honoring parent, as the greatest influence in the lives of your children. Step out of your comfort zone and make the effort to talk openly with them about sex. It will be one of the greatest gifts you give yours sons and daughters!