Coffee with Chloe

My high school and college years were some of the hardest of my life. I was “awkward,” to put it nicely. I didn’t have many friends and could often be found in the library, reading fiction. 

Now, many years later, I still approach students in this age group with trepidation, fearing they can see right through me and sense my un-coolness. Wouldn’t God just have it that this is exactly the group He has called me to come alongside in life? 

Last year during my coursework at Bethel Seminary, I was required to gather a team around me who would walk with me in ministry. As a team, we developed a handful of goals I would pursue over the next year. Two of the goals were that I would find someone to mentor, and that I would spend more time investing in the lives of high school and college age students. (This second goal came about because I shared my paranoia about spending extended periods of time with these students.) 

The year began, my team prayed, and nothing happened. I secretly decided that meant God didn’t like these silly goals either. Then, all of a sudden, along came Chloe. 

Chloe was a high school student I knew from working at a summer camp together. We ran into each other at church from time to time, and at some point I gave her my cell phone number and the texting began. The relationship started simply with a text, “Are you able to do coffee on Monday?” That was it. Chloe texted asking if I wanted to grab coffee, and I said yes. 

Coffee with Chloe has changed who I am. We began by chatting. Like any typical teenager, Chloe had a ton going on, so we would spend the whole time catching up on her life. 

I realized it was going to take intentionality if I wanted these times to be centered on Jesus, so I suggested we read a book together. I had no idea how it would go, or if it would work. In fact, I had never even read the book I suggested. (I wouldn’t recommend that in the future!) We met regularly, and we talked about the book. And we both grew in our relationship with God. 

There are days where I think Chloe may have taught me more about God than I have possibly ever taught her. We each read our book separately, and when we came together, we would just jump from underlined section to starred note and back again. Chloe mostly drove the conversation. I listened and asked questions, as I was able. 

Something amazing happened: God showed up. It was barely noticeable at first, but by the time we finished the book, I could see the change in Chloe. She was growing in her faith, and God was rewarding the time she was diligently putting in to learn and stretch herself. Chloe—this crazy, beautiful, driven, and exciting high school senior—was developing into a young adult before my eyes. And God graciously allowed me to play a part in her story. 

Who is your Chloe? In this age of social media and technology, high school and college age students need us more than ever before. They need someone who has gone before them to come alongside them and draw them to the throne of God. 

Since I began walking with Chloe, I’ve decided on a new life policy: whenever someone asks to grab coffee, I always say yes. I know this is not a goal-oriented use of my time. It flies in the face of strategists and leaders everywhere encouraging using our time to only advance the “most important” things in life, but what could be more important than investing in the younger generation? They are going to have to navigate an even more difficult world that is advancing faster than I am able to keep up with. What if more of us were willing to say yes? The impact for the Kingdom would be profound. 

5 Simple Steps for Investing in High School and College Age Students

1. Say Yes!

If a student invites you to coffee, find a way to make time. You may be incredibly busy, but if that is the case simply tell the student, “My answer is ‘yes,’ but it will have to be in a few weeks or next month.” You are still communicating their value while not compromising your current commitments. 

2. Be Intentional.

My coffees with students are truly fun for me. If I’m not careful, I can  get caught up chatting about our weeks the entire time, and later realize I’ve completely forgotten to draw the conversation back to God. A simple way to make sure you are intentionally investing is by going through a book together. I recommend The Me I Want to Be (teen edition) as a great starter book to study together. Mix books about faith and God in with books from the Bible. You will be amazed how much these students notice in Scripture when you read through a couple chapters at a time. 

3. Be Prepared.

If you are reading a book together, you need to have the book read, too. It is okay to have expectations for your time together, and it is good to hold your student to those expectations, as long as you apply them to yourself as well. 

4. Listen and Ask Questions.

At least half your time, if not two-thirds, should be spent listening instead of talking. Really, pay attention during these times. Listen for patterns or things that stand out to you. Once you identify something, refrain from giving advice and instead try to formulate a question. Allow the student to come to the conclusion on her own. She is much more likely to remember if the idea is hers and not yours. 

5. Pray without Ceasing.

Each time I meet with a student, I always end in prayer. Even in public, I pray over them and what is on their hearts. After our time together, I pray for that student as often as I think of her, bringing her before the Father and asking Him to make His presence known in her life. 

You may be thinking, “Okay, great Krista, that sounds really nice, but I don’t even know where to find a high school or college student!” That’s easy; simply look to your church. If you want to invest in the lives of students, I don’t know of a single student minister who would turn you down. 

More high school and college age students are walking away from the faith than ever before. The number that continually gets tossed around is half of high school students abandon their faith in college. Half! Your investment could be the very thing to make a lasting, lifelong difference. So get out there and find yourself a Chloe!

~ By Krista Heinen. Krista Heinen is a pastor who desires to help the next generation understand their place in God’s story. She has her B.S. in elementary education from the University of Wisconsin-Madison and her M.Div. from Bethel Seminary. She and her husband, Greg, live in New Berlin, Wis.