How to Be a Good Friend

God knew that Adam needed a mate (Gen. 2:18). Jesus sent the disciples out in pairs to spread the gospel (Luke 10:1). The witnesses in Revelation numbered two (Rev. 11:3-4). In fact, the Bible is full of people who worked in pairs—so much so that it seems likely that the Lord did not intend for us to be loners.

Of course, He wants us to know that He is all we need and live our lives in the assurance of that fact. Yet, He designed us to need human companionship. He knows that we work to our best potential when we work with friends because He designed us this way.

One of the greatest blessings of life is to have a good friend and, when you have a good friend, it is incredibly important to be a good friend in return.

Unfortunately, if we’re going to be honest, being a good friend can be incredibly hard! I find it especially hard to know how to be a good friend when my friend is experiencing a difficult time in life. Personally, I’ve lived through times when my friends haven’t been what I needed them to be. I felt like they weren’t there for me, and it was incredibly painful. Sadly, I’ve also been the one who failed miserably to support my friend in their time of need, which left me feeling like a failure. 

I don’t think anyone wants to be a bad friend. We often fail to support our friends when they’re experiencing hard times because we don’t know how to be a good friend at that moment. We don’t know what to say, so we just don’t say anything. We think we understand things that we really don’t, and we say things that we shouldn’t say. We try to fix our friends problem when we can’t fix anything, and only frustrate our friend. We fail to be supportive because we are so close to our friend that their experience makes us panic! It affects us negatively, so we distance ourselves in an attempt to protect our own upended emotions.   

So, what’s a girl to do when she wants to be a good and helpful friend to someone who is experiencing great difficulty? Luckily, Colossians 4 gives us an example of how to be a great friend!

Throughout most of the New Testament, we follow the life and ministry of the apostle Paul. He is beaten, shipwrecked, stoned, and jailed over and over. We see evidence that he is rarely completely alone as he shares with us who is with him in situations that could be defined as difficult, hard, and trying.

Colossians finds Paul imprisoned again, likely in Rome, and we see that, once again, he’s surrounded by beloved friends. This book shares two specific things that Paul’s friends did to help him when he was imprisoned. We can take these to heart and implement them in our friendships today.

1.  Good friends are a comfort to each other.

Colossians 4 lists off several of Paul’s friends, and verse 11 shares that these men have “proved a comfort to me.” The question is, what is comfort? Miriam-Webster defines comfort as “something (or someone) who gives strength, hope, cheer and eases grief and trouble of another.” Notice that comfort is not defined as solving someone’s problems or giving them great words of advice—it’s simply easing troubles. A closer look at the word comfort in Strong’s Concordance may give us a clue. The word “comfort” in Colossians 4:11 references to definition #3931 in the concordance and is defined as “an address alongside, i.e. (spec) consolation-comfort.” Focus on the thought of “an address alongside.” This indicates close proximity. Paul’s friends brought him comfort by staying in close proximity to him. They didn’t have to have special words or answers, they needed to be near Paul, and this brought him comfort.  

The same applies to us today. Simply be there! Listen when needed, offer comfort, be a quiet place for that friend to rest. Send an “I’m thinking of you” text. Check on them.  Emotional and physical nearness brought comfort to Paul, and it will to our friends, too.   

2.  Good friends help each other.

In Colossians 4, Tychius and Onesimus are about to leave Paul and go to Colossae. They weren’t going on a vacation, but to be a help to Paul. Their mission was to encourage and share with the church at Colossae because Paul was worried about them and couldn’t go see them himself. This act of service relieved Paul because he knew that his friends would take care of business for him. They took that one little piece of worry off Paul’s shoulders while he was dealing with the stress of other life situations.  

Likewise, a great way to help a friend going through stressful times is to help meet their needs in practical, hands-on ways. Babysitting, picking up groceries, or sending a gift card for a meal can lift a small burden off the shoulders of an over-burdened friend. There are many ways to do this; simply look at what needs done or what you think could bring relief. You may not feel like you’re doing much, but Paul and his friends prove that removing the weight of worry is a huge comfort to a friend in need. 

It is incredibly hard to find a good friend and perhaps even harder to be a great friend. It can be especially challenging to know how to be a good friend to someone in difficult circumstances. Paul declared his friends a comfort, so they had the act of being a good friend to someone experiencing hardship down to an art! Take a couple of pages out of their play book—being close and helpful—so that you too can claim the title of a good friend who brings comfort.