Through It All...Even Church Hurts

I am sitting in the children’s Christmas program at the church where my family has attended and been members for a little under two years. I’m sure the stage full of children clad in Christmas pajamas are doing a wonderful job—but my mind is sitting through another children’s Christmas program two years ago at the church where my family and I had served for five years.

Our daughter was happy and active in the youth group. I taught adult Sunday school, handled public relations, the website, and social media for the church. My husband was senior pastor with a staff of four, plus a church daycare.

It had not been an easy five years.

Aware of the congregation’s troubled past, but with God’s clear and strong leadership to accept this call, we entered this ministry opportunity optimistically. Although we were very well-received by the majority of the congregation throughout our ministry there, the “honeymoon” was short-lived. It didn’t take long to discover the attitudes and self-entitled mindset that were at the root of generations of an unhealthy congregation.

Growth was the utmost objective—which is not necessarily a bad goal if it is healthy growth—but the growth that was demanded was more people and more money. Discipleship and spiritual growth were too much work and didn’t really count. Status and image in the community were the primary motivations for growth—and all they had to do was find the right pastor to make that happen. If a pastor failed to draw the masses and cater to a select group quickly, the process to eliminate him began. The finer details would differ, but the basic process was the same pastor after pastor with the exception of one who grew tired of the constant battle, and several others who left due to moral failure.

As the “growth beast” was beginning to rear its head, multiple lightening strikes to the church steeple resulted in a massive fire that destroyed two-thirds of the physical facilities. This seemed to bring a new beginning. We were hopeful that God would use this to restructure priorities and bring this congregation to a healthier place. However, as we entered a building program, the jockeying for position and control in the process intensified. The building would be the magic bullet that would bring growth.

The nucleus of discontent was a small group from one Sunday school class along with a few others who accommodated them in the fear that they would leave. Their class became the platform to teach the class why the pastor was so horrible and had to go. When some of the class began to stand up to them in the pastor’s defense, they took their plan underground seeking support elsewhere with twisted facts, lies, and the threat of taking their money somewhere else, while we were in the middle of a building program.

It all came to a head as the church year was coming to a close. The current deacon chairman’s term was coming to an end. This was the disgruntled group's last chance to insert their influence before the deacon body changed. The deacon conveyed “everyone’s” dissatisfaction with the pastor and stated that he should do the right thing and leave. The weeks that followed were filled with irrational, cruel, and personal attacks. Even an outside mediator, who was called in to help sort through the crisis, was amazed at their immaturity and baseless allegations.

After much prayer, we felt it was best to leave. Even though we still had a majority of support from the deacons, it was obvious they were not going to give up. We would not stand by and watch them bring division to the church and continued attacks on our family.

This congregations’ problems had been instilled for several generations, and now they were passing on these attitudes to their children. Some members were on the fringes and had no idea what was going on, others were unaware and didn't care, while still others were aware and frustrated with what people were doing, but refused to do anything to change it. Many didn't know what to do, and were afraid to stand up against a group that was bent on getting their own way or even. Whatever the reason, "what you permit, you promote," as someone has said.

I numbly sat through the children’s Christmas program, anticipating my husband’s resignation at the close. It was amazing that so many people were completely surprised and upset by my husband’s resignation, since “everyone” was dissatisfied with him! Tearful pleas not to leave because “he was the best pastor they’d had” are still comforting.

As the children leave the stage and the congregation starts to sing, I am brought back to the present hearing the words they are singing… “through it all.” Each word of the song reminds me that even in our deepest betrayals and hurt, God is with us through it all. Even though two years later we still feel adrift in ministry and unable to serve in the capacity God has called us to, and nothing makes sense, God is with us─through it all.