A Light in the Tunnel

October 28, 2010, had been a beautiful day. I was on my way home after enjoying time with friends. I decided to splurge and make my husband one of his favorite meals. We could eat and relax when he walked in the door. Then the phone rang.

His voice had a different sound to it as he calmly said we were heading to the hospital. The hospital had just called him and asked if we had a son who was a student at the university. When he answered yes, they said that Matt was in the emergency room and they couldn’t wake him

Dashing out the door, we knew the heart-wrenching impossibility of erasing the 100 miles between our house and the hospital as we responded to the call no parent ever wants. I felt sick. I took Michael’s hand and we sat in silence. We prayed, lifting our youngest son up to the  Lord, thankful He was with Matt when we were unable. Calling our four other sons scattered across the country, we relayed the limited information and asked them to contact everyone they knew to pray. We continued calling family and friends to cover Matt in prayer.

Amidst the panic was a quiet calm. God was reminding us that whatever happened next, Matt was okay because he was already His. An incomprehensible assurance flooded over us. Salvation had never meant so much to me before – because of Jesus and His loving grace, our 6’ 3” baby boy was “okay” whether dead or alive in the eternal arms of our Heavenly Father. 

Although our world had stopped, God lovingly assured us He remained on His throne, holding “our world” in His hands.

When we saw the hospital, I felt sick again. My knees weak, we rushed in to find Matt. The hospital staff could not have been kinder to us or more caring of Matt as they tried to explain what was going on. When we entered the room, we found Matt hooked up to machines, wires everywhere, and his face badly bruised and battered – lifeless. I rushed over to him, gently took his hand and leaned in to kiss his cheek and whisper, “Mattie, Mom and Dad are here.” With a gasp for air I prayed, “Oh Lord, help my baby!” Although our world had stopped, God lovingly assured us He remained on His throne, holding “our world” in His hands.

When Matt was missed at an afternoon meeting, friends and floor mates started putting the pieces together. Someone had last seen Matt at dinner 24 hours earlier. A staff member ran to check Matt’s room. Unable to get inside, he called the police and together they were able to push the door open to rescue Matt, who was barely breathing. He had fallen out of his lofted bed, hit the refrigerator, and then the hard concrete floor below. From the pool of blood found there, it appeared he had crawled to the door for help where he passed out again. The worst for me was the unknown – how long had Matt laid unconscious in his room alone? Had he called out for help? Heartbroken with this thought, God’s light shined brightly through my sister, Patti. She put her arms around me and reminded me Jesus had been with Matt and asked, “Who better to hold Matt, you or Jesus?” 

Our family rallied and rushed to join us within the next 18 hours. Praying together ushered in His light for direction and warmth, melting the coldness of tragedy. That light continued to illuminate our way through the following days, weeks, and months. 

Despite being on life support for the first couple days, Matt’s prognosis seemed hopeful from the initial testing. Still in a coma but now breathing on his own, an MRI of his brain was done on the fourth day to give a clearer picture of the damage. It was not good news. We all stood around listening in disbelief as the doctors shared their thoughts. Matt’s injury had resulted in bleeding on both sides of the brain, and his diagnosis was a Severe Traumatic Brain Injury, more specifically, a Diffuse Axonal Injury. 

God would hand me the blinders each day to help me focus and say, “Look at Me, I am your Hope.”

God had given us excellent, caring doctors, but as much as they wanted to tell us Matt would return to normal, they could not. They could not even assure us he would ever wake up, and if he did, what his future would look like. I was overwhelmed with this thought when Matt squeezed my hand. My heart jumped! I felt God reminding us despite all of the dismal news, this was not too much for Him to handle – that He remained on His throne in charge of Matt and his future. God lit our lives with His hope. God handpicked our nurses and doctors, many of them Christians. God surrounded us with His family from around the world through praying, calling, emailing, and visiting. It seemed as if everyone we had ever met got the news of Matt and covered us with prayer and tremendous loving care. Indeed, every need was supplied according to His riches in Christ Jesus. Have you ever thought what God’s riches in Christ Jesus means? An endless supply of God’s very best, much more than we could have ever hoped or imagined! God’s provision freed us to focus on Matt and energized us to lovingly care for him.

With Matt solidly connected in a wonderful church, actively involved in Young Life and friends with everyone he ever met, our desire was to have Matt accepted into the rehab program at the University of Michigan. We saw how Matt’s support group was here, not back in Kalamazoo where we had moved right after dropping him off at college as a freshman. Indeed, God cleared the way. Still in a coma, Matt was moved to the rehab floor one week after his fall. Rehab? How? Matt was still asleep, but in a coma! I have to applaud rehab therapists. They look at someone seemingly hopeless and work tirelessly. He had to relearn how to sit, stand, walk, eat, and care for himself. God would hand me the blinders each day to help me focus and say, “Look at Me, I am your Hope.” Slowly, very slowly, Matt began to respond and his favorite response by the second week was growling like a dinosaur ... silly, but we were thrilled with any kind of sound! God was reminding us our hope did not lie in sounds, therapists, doctors, walking, or even health. Our hope was in God alone!

Countless times God needed to ask me, “Susan, do you trust Me? Matt is Mine.” God uses His people to remind us He is the Rainbow Maker and Star Breather, encouraging us to place every moment and future moment in His hands. Matt’s room was decorated with love – posters, pictures, cards, Scripture, and rainbows! 

Perspective is determined by the source of light we choose. And we chose to seek and sit in the light of Jesus! 

Our choosing to stay in Ann Arbor meant that Michael would have to travel back and forth to work. Thankfully, his “work” is ministry and our church family freed Michael to do whatever was needed. I quit my job on day four when we heard Matt’s recovery would be measured in months. Matt would need 24/7 care for weeks with ongoing therapy, and I rejoiced that I was available!

When a crisis occurs, your world gets small and very focused – little matters except the immediate. Many days and nights I sat in Matt’s room very much aware of the potentially long, dark tunnel we were going through. How did we have such peace? Perspective is determined by the source of light we choose. We chose to seek and sit in the light of Jesus! 

From lifelessness to fully functioning, seven weeks later Matt walked out of the hospital! Therapy continued at home and through a cognitive therapy program. Praising God, we walked forward, trusting His light to lead our way – a light in the tunnel!