How Do You Love?

In the last few months, there have been big changes to my family. But then again, maybe they aren’t so big.

We are a Christian household. We raised our children in church. My husband was a youth leader. I was a women’s group leader, not to mention the countless Christmas choirs, youth group events, and volunteer hours spent being an integral part of a Christ-centered church. We did everything “right” in terms of “Start[ing] children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it” (Prov. 22:6 NIV).

The first shock we got was when my daughter, then sixteen years old, told us she didn’t believe in God and the Bible anymore. I was sad for her. But she’s establishing her own beliefs, she’s doing what she’s supposed to do…she’s growing up. And I know that God will not let go of her.

The next shock we got was when her younger brother “outed” her, and she confirmed that she is bisexual. I’ll admit I had trouble with this one. It went against everything I wanted and believed for my child. But, again, she’s establishing her own identity, and it’s not up to me to choose for her what she feels. It’s part of growing up.

I’ve had several months to get used to the idea, and the more I search my heart, the more I realize that though it may not be what I was taught or believe, above all, Jesus said to “Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another” (John 13:34).

There are going to be lots of decisions my children make that I may not agree with. The person they date is just a drop in the bucket. What makes this decision any different from any other? The difference is how I respond to it.

I couldn’t imagine any decision that my children make that would separate me from them. I recently saw a video of dads giving out hugs at the Pittsburgh Pride Parade. There was one person the dad in the video hugged that was nearly fifty years old. He said his parents hadn’t talked to him in nearly thirty years. I couldn’t imagine missing out on thirty years of my child’s life because I chose not to love them. That’s just wrong, and definitely not what Jesus would want me to do.

Jesus loved everybody. And that means EVERYBODY. He didn’t ask questions about their lifestyle or take a personal inventory of every person before he sat with them. He wanted them to know they were loved, and I should too, especially when it’s my own child.

When you dream for that baby in your arms, chances are you don’t picture the times that they will rebel. You don’t picture them going in a different direction than you are raising them. But if we’ve done our job right, we raise them to be their own person, no matter who that person is.

Do I still hold to my beliefs? Yes. Do I love my daughter any less because of my beliefs? No! But as a Christian, I am called to love my neighbor as myself. And that includes my child. If anything, the situation with my daughter is teaching me that parental love is unconditional…whether I agree with her decision or not. I love her as Jesus loves her.

~ By Lisa Volz. Lisa is a women's fiction author. Her novels address women's relational issues and span across generations. She also has a blog where she addresses more personal topics at www.writesideoftheroad.wordpress.com