Keeping Friendships Fresh

Are all of your friends the same as you? Do you mix in the same social circles, go to the same church, are you in the same stage of life? Are you the same nationality, age, and gender? Although it is nourishing for our souls to belong to a group of like-minded people, it is important for our personal growth to invite people who are different from us into our friendship group.

Until a few years ago, all of my friends were just like me. I didn’t realize the richness I was lacking until I made a friend from another Christian denomination. We held the same core beliefs, but the way that my friend celebrated the seasons of the Christian faith were so different from what my family did that I had a sneaking suspicion I was missing out!

Christmas was not an event for my friend, it was a season of anticipation when the world held its collective breath for the appearance of the Christ-child. Easter involved personal reflection which led to a new sense of conviction rather than the two special services—one devoted to Jesus’ death on the cross and the other to his resurrection—that was my experience at this time of year.

Soon afterward, I began moving in a completely different social circle when our family moved into a shared house with two young adults. This experience exposed that I was fixed in my attitudes. My way was the right way as far as I was concerned. However, living with other people showed me that there are other ways to live.

We don’t know what we do is weird until someone else does it differently. Simple things like the rhythm of the day, how much rest we take, whether we recycle or not, and who does chores were all re-examined in our family. But we also explored more complex issues such as gender roles, how we apply the Bible to our daily lives, and the role of hospitality in family life. If you can manage the practical aspects of living with people you are not related to, I highly recommend it as a wonderful opportunity to reassess your values. When was the last time you had a friend who caused you to reflect on your cultural norms?

By keeping a closed circle of friends, we rob ourselves of a fresh set of eyes.  People who can help us see things from a new perspective usually have a different experience from us. If we know someone who has made different life choices than us, they can raise our awareness of issues we may never consider simply by sharing their story with us. Are you friends with people who have been divorced, adopted a child, or are homeschooling their children?

Open yourself up to new ideas. We are often afraid of growing because it requires letting go of the familiar and embracing the unknown. But it doesn’t have to be a frightening thing. Just start by having a cup of coffee with a new friend. As you share life’s struggles and triumphs, you can encourage each other, learn from each other, and grow.