Refined in the Fire

A little over three years ago, I was eager and excited to start college. The summer before I moved to George Fox University, I was ready to move out, make new friends, and begin my college career. Little did I know that within a 24-hour period, that would all change. The minute I arrived on campus, the excitement I had felt was immediately replaced by anxiety and fear. Freshman year of college was nothing like I thought it would be. Instead, it was marked by sadness and struggle. It was the year I was sifted and refined through a season of depression, anxiety, and panic attacks. 

The first half of my freshman year of college was a complete nightmare. I struggled to find community and felt overwhelmed by school, not to mention the anxiety of living away from home. Not long after moving to George Fox, I began to have panic attacks and would wake up in the morning with a pit in my stomach, unable to calm myself. I have a hard time putting into words exactly what I was feeling, but it was anything but peace and happiness. There were days where I felt so hopeless and nights where I cried myself to sleep. The first three months of school consisted of me calling my mom at least twice a day in tears, not being able to eat or sleep because I was so upset, and crying out to ask God why I was struggling so much. 

The only explanation I have for why I went through that was because God was working in me to rely on and grow in my trust of Him. He wanted to teach me to be fully dependent on Him. Up until that point in my life, I had not really been challenged in my faith. 

So, what brought me out of this unbearable situation? God. Slowly He started to show up in amazing ways. He surrounded me with good people. My roommate was such a good support system for me. I met my two best friends who lived next door. And I even rekindled a friendship with a childhood friend who was also attending Fox. Next, God placed opportunities in my path to get me involved on campus. I joined the University Ambassadors and have been involved ever since. I have met some great friends doing that, and now serve as the President of the club. Additionally, God began to ease my anxiety toward school. I saw Him show up in the darkness and bring new light. He had not forgotten about me. 

God shaped me in unbelievable ways freshman year. He made a beautiful thing out of a horrendous situation. I would not want to change the experience I went through because it taught me important things. I learned to lean on God first, before I turn to my parents and the people around me. I learned to fully trust God in every situation (although I’m no expert and still have to practice this daily). And I learned to persevere; to keep moving forward when life gets hard. My relationship with God became SO much stronger and my life completely changed for the better because of my freshman year experience. 

I hope and pray my story can be an encouragement to others. I hope that no matter what circumstances you find yourself in, you remember that God has not left you. He is still working, and He can restore any situation.

Finally, I want to leave you with a few verses that were so helpful for me three years ago and continue to be good reminders today. 

• “I can do all [things] through him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13 NIV).
• “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10).
• “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” (Romans 5:3-5)