Etiquette for Conflict-Free Holiday Visits

The “over the river and through the woods” …season is here, which means some of us (depending on COVID-19 comfort levels) will be hosting or being a houseguest. Yes, it is the most wonderful time of year, but it can also be the most stressful time of year. So how do you embrace the beauty of the Christmas season without being overwhelmed with traveling and guests?

If you or your family and friends are visiting during the season, remember that hospitality is a gift and guests are a blessing. Romans 12:13 says, “Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.” So as you aim to worship the “Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, and Prince of Peace” (Is. 9:6), here are some tips to keep joy-abounding, love plentiful, and peace abundant!

11 TIPS FOR CONFLICT-FREE HOLIDAY VISITS

1.  Plan Ahead

If you have family visiting from out of town and past experience shows that after (insert number of days) tension starts to run high and patience runs low, then plan ahead. Shorten the visit, so it can actually be sweeter. Also, consider planning outings before the actual visit that allows for both fun and down time. Be flexible so that both the host and visitors enjoy themselves, and certainly don’t dig your heels into “your idea of fun.” Be open to trying new things, yet keep from pushing something that someone truly dislikes. Apply 1 Pet. 3:8 often, “Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.”

2.  Talk About Pets

This part of your visit should be discussed and agreed upon by all. If the host says Fido, Kitty, or Rudolph are not welcome, kindly abide by their request with no resentment or ill feelings. Not everyone loves the idea of hosting someone else’s pet, even if they are a pet lover themselves. Also, health takes a priority. If allergies or asthma issues are present for anyone, especially children and the elderly, always be considerate.

3.  Be Flexible

Hold on loosely to daily schedules. As visitors, do not expect your child’s nap and eating schedule to be as strictly enforced as if at-home. As the hostess, provide opportunities for guests to stay as close to their normal schedule as possible. Flexibility is key. Allow for down time for the elderly and even a quick afternoon nap for all during this busy time of year. Rest is an important part of successful visits. “I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint” (Jer. 31:25).

4.  Plan for Sleeping Arrangements

It’s nice to have sleeping arrangements planned ahead of time, especially for young children and older visitors. For Grandma or Grandpa, try to avoid having them sleep on the couch, especially if there is a kid’s bed they can use. Have the room stocked with bottled water, some choice books, small daily devotionals/a Bible, and travel necessities—such as a toothbrush, toothpaste, hand lotions, and tissues. Offer extra blankets and pillows and explain where towels etc. are located. Lastly, do not offer the “master bedroom” to your guests, because they will inevitably feel like they are putting you out, no matter how much you insist they are not.

5.  Come Bearing Gifts

Consider bringing a small, thoughtful gift for your host(ess) such as the newest bestselling Christian novel or a handful of the trendiest magazines (Just Between Us, foodie titles, and others). Monogrammed towels, a new-release cookbook, or seasonal candles are also nice options.

6.  Build in Time Apart

As a guest, consider going for a long drive or other choice activities away from the homestead to give your host some time to rest and not entertain. It can be a lovely refreshing time for all.

7.  Be A Tidy Guest

Keep your room or area tidy by making your bed, having the floor picked up, and keeping the bathroom area as clean as possible. Some simple tidying up can go a long way. Be aware, too. If you see the dishwasher needs to be unloaded or toys picked up, then jump in and assist. As the host, do not be drill sergeant-like and expect the house to be free from toys or other items that may be used throughout the day.

8.  Talk About Dietary Needs

Consider everyone’s dietary needs. If you have strict dietary needs (vegan, lactose intolerant, gluten-free, allergies, etc.), share that with your host. Also, notify them that you are bringing some of your own supplies (without over-running the kitchen) to help take the pressure off them. As a hostess, be sure to reciprocate the same process and plan accordingly for your guests.

If you tend to sleep in and your guests are early risers, have the coffee ready to turn on. Share with your guests that they are welcome to help themselves to muffins, bagels, etc. (Show them where all is located or leave out on a breakfast tray.) As the host(ess), consider planning one special breakfast to spoil your guest(s).

Tentatively plan dinners, so that there is some idea of what dinner will look like. Be flexible. Someone may not love lasagna but appreciate that your host is cooking for you and planning meals. Consider taking them to dinner once, even if for a simple pizza night or subs.

9.  Avoid Tricky Topics

“Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam, so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out” (Prov. 17:14). If Aunt Lisa tends to lean right and Uncle Tony leans left, then do your best to avoid politics and other hot topics. They should be strictly avoided to keep the conversation (and not the tears) flowing. The goal is to have meaningful, not mean, conversations.

10.  Laugh and Have Fun

Play board/card games, rent a movie (I Can Only Imagine, What About Bob?) or watch family home movies, especially if your guests are a part of the production. Make memories and treasure each other and your time together. Spend this precious time connecting, laughing, and making joyous memories. Remember, “a cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength” (Prov. 17:22, NLT).

11.  Mind Your Manners

Remember pleasantries throughout the hustle and bustle of the Christmas season. Words like, “thank you,” “please,” and even, “I am sorry” go a long way in keeping everyone jolly and ho-ho-hoing!

Let the hot chocolate and eggnog flow, and enjoy the season of hospitality by embracing these simple tips that will make each visit a memorable and joyful one. Thanking God for the blessing of family and friends is truly one of the most beautiful gifts of the season, second only to the gift of our glorious Savior, Jesus Christ.