Breaking the Secondhand Worry Cycle
Do you find yourself in a never-ending cycle of worrying about other people’s problems and trying to fix their lives for them?
Are you tired of feeling stressed out and overwhelmed by the problems of a loved one or friend? Whether they are dealing with addiction, financial problems, relationship issues or any number of things, if you find yourself constantly anxious about and trying to fix someone else’s problems, here are two strategies for breaking the cycle of secondhand worry:
1. Surrender.
Only Jesus can save someone; you can’t. Too often we think of surrender as giving up on someone or something. Surrender isn’t giving up; it is giving over to something better. You shouldn’t give up on your struggling or addicted loved ones, but you can give them over to God, because He is the only One who can save them.
Dear God, I need to surrender (insert person’s name) to You. My heart breaks over the decisions they are making. The weight of the stress and pain is too much for me, so I have to let go of trying to control this situation and surrender them to You. I know that You love them and care about their future and eternity, so I will put my trust in You. Amen.
2. Get Out of the Way.
Most people don’t turn to God until they’ve run out of options. So when you fix their problems for them, they don’t need to look for God. If you want your loved ones or friends to find God, then get out of the way so that they can see Him.
Dear God, I’ve tried to stand in Your spot far too long. I will stop interfering and let my loved one experience the natural consequences of their behavior—even when they face pain, heartache, or loss. God, this is so hard to do! But I’m grateful You will be there when they are finally ready to turn to You. Amen.
Prayer is also vital to breaking the cycle. When someone asks for help, you need divine discernment to determine how God wants you to respond. I lean into the phrase “trust, but verify.” This gives me permission to pray and not feel pressured to make a snap decision. I can say, “It sounds like you’ve been having a hard time. Can I have time to think and pray about what you’ve asked me to do?”
If you can’t figure out what to do even after you’ve prayed, or you still feel the pressure to respond right away, then phone a friend. This friend should be wise and capable of asking good questions, even the ones that make you uncomfortable.
These strategies are designed to equip you with God-honoring, compassionate tools to love the people in your life without carrying their problems on your shoulders. Ultimately, you can trust God with their lives, even if they are far from Him. Just as God loves and cares for you, He loves and cares for them, too.
~ By Barb Roose. Barb is a popular speaker and author who is passionate about connecting women to one another and to God. Her goal is to equip women to win at life with Christ-empowered strength and dignity. Barb enjoys teaching and encouraging women at conferences and events across the country and abroad. Her latest book is Winning the Worry Battle: Life Lessons from the Book of Joshua along with the companion Bible study.