Not Good Enough

I have had an evolving, dynamic relationship with Jesus Christ since my now 19-year-old was taking up residence in my belly. Although I’d always gone to church and believed in God, in the past two decades, my faith has been more about a relationship with Christ rather than religious rituals, and more about living what I was learning.

But there was a problem.

Although I had confessed I was saved by grace through faith alone, I didn’t fully believe, understand, or live it out. I taught my children Eph. 2: 8-9, “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast.” I thought I knew and understood God’s forgiveness and unconditional love in Christ, but I was simultaneously living with condemnation, anxiety, and bondage. Why?

I was trying to be a good Christian.

A Christian, by definition, believes Jesus Christ died to pay the price for our sins; therefore, He has already made us good. We cannot profess Jesus as our Lord and Savior and be seen by God in any other way than good! Righteous is something we are because of Christ, not something we do, strive for, or maintain.

As I listen to friends, family, and those I teach, I realize I am not alone. Martin Luther said, “To be convinced in our hearts that we have forgiveness of sins and peace with God by grace alone is the hardest thing.” It can be so difficult to accept Christ has already made us good, especially when we repeatedly act badly, but the best way to begin to accept this truth is to realize we don’t really believe it fully.

So how do you know you’re trying to be a “good Christian?”

1.  You’re Tired

I remember balancing my roles as a mom, speaker, and member of our church staff and thinking the song “I’m Tired” by Tenth Avenue North epitomized my life perfectly. When you’re trying to be a good Christian, you want to be assured there isn’t anything you’ve failed to do with the gifts and talents God has given you. You aren’t trying to earn your salvation, but you are exhausted, frustrated, and unsure all your trying is making a difference.

2.  You’re Good at Beating Yourself Up

Although most of my writing and teaching had revolved around victories, God was giving me—in my marriage, parenting, and faith—the weight of my repeated failures in each of those areas became heavier than any wins Christ was giving me. The guilt I had—from blowing up at my kids yet again or talking in a sarcastic tone toward my husband—was only compounded by the awareness that I couldn’t seem to change. The harder I tried, the more guilt-ridden I became, even though I knew there was no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

3.  You Judge Others

It’s easy to compare ourselves to other people and especially other “good” Christians. Without realizing it, judging others was my default. I would justify that my critiques were just “observations” with someone “safe” like my husband. Part of the danger of trying to be good is we usually have no idea how rampant our judgment is.

4.  You Feel Like a Hypocrite

Over the last twenty years, I have been consistently frustrated with my inability to be “good” when getting ready for church. I have threatened to auction off my children if they didn’t get ready faster, spoken to my husband like he’s five, cursed because I didn’t like the outfit I was wearing, and been highly irritated when someone is sitting in “our” seats at church. Once seated, I would mechanically start singing, “Here I am to Worship,” feeling like the biggest poser in the building amidst other good Christians.

If you are like me and could check off most of the above indicators, you might be trying to be good more than leaning into the fact Christ has already made you good!

Now what?

Quit Reading Your Bible

Well, not entirely. Quit reading your Bible to find out what you need to do to be good. When you’re trying to be a good Christian, you tend to read the Bible to find out what you should and shouldn’t do. Looking more like Christ isn’t wrong or bad, but when it is your sole focus when reading your Bible, you may be trying to be a good Christian.

Recently, I decided to read the Bible and write down only what it said about God and Jesus. As I reflected on the only One who is good, I could more easily shift my focus away from myself and begin to see the cross more clearly.

Listen to Yourself Sing

After a particularly awful morning when I unjustly yelled at my daughter, I headed to Bible study. I arrived for worship holding back tears because I was so angry with myself. As I mouthed the words to a song about Christ’s forgiveness, I felt the Lord whisper, “Do you believe what you’re singing?” I realized in that moment, I was allowing my emotions and failures to supersede Christ’s finished work on the cross. Listen to yourself sing to the Lord the next time you have failed at being good and ask yourself what you really believe. It is humbling, beautiful, and extremely freeing when God lovingly helps you see yourself as He does because of Christ.

Stop Listening to Yourself

One of the best ways to know you are already good is to memorize Scripture that reminds you of this fact. Romans 4:5 says, “However, to the one who does not work but trusts God who justifies the ungodly, their faith is credited as righteousness.” We need to replace that voice of condemnation with the voice of truth. Doing the hard work of memorizing Scripture is one of the best ways to do that.

Have you been trying to be a good Christian? I pray you, like me, will ask God to help you see yourself as He does, from a place of understanding the free gift of His grace, in your mind, to believing more deeply in your heart. You are already good. Believing more deeply that Christ’s finished work of forgiveness is fact—despite my flawed words, thoughts, and actions—has  afforded me more peace, freedom, and gratitude than I’ve had in years… without even trying.