Living in the Now

When I was in high school, I could not wait to be in college.  When I was in college, I could not wait to have a boyfriend.  When I had a boyfriend, I could not wait to be engaged.  When I was engaged, I could not wait to be married.  When I got married, I could not wait for our first house.  When we had our first house, I could not wait to become a mom.  When I had my first child, I could not wait to move to a bigger home.  When we had our bigger home, I could not wait to have another baby.  When we had our second child, I could not wait to move to a quieter neighborhood.  

And then one day, I realized I finally had every single one of those things.  A husband.  Two children.  A home.  A quiet neighborhood.  

But this left me with some nagging questions.

Did I enjoy the moments along the way before I got to the next stop on my list?  Did I celebrate when I reached the next big thing?  Did I enjoy college?  Did I love having a boyfriend?  Did I revel in being engaged?  Did I relish that first year of marriage?  Did I appreciate our tiny little house?  Did I adore my sweet little baby?  Was I grateful for our slightly bigger house?  Did I savor having a toddler and an infant in my arms and under my care?  Did I cherish our precious house on that quiet street? 

Did I love the moments in between and on the way?  

I hope so.  I remember doing so.  But I was young and impatient and thought that once I reached the pinnacle of a husband, a house, and two kids, the skies would part and life would be blissful and sweet day in and day out.  

Not surprisingly, that did not happen.  My life now no longer resembles in almost any way the life that I was living even ten years ago.  There are not-yet-answered prayers and even more unanswered questions.  And I have had to learn the hard way to love the life I’ve got.

But one thing I’ve learned is to know longer wish for just what’s up ahead of me.  As far as I am concerned, there is no tomorrow.  God’s words were clear, “Do not worry about tomorrow.”  And the book of James reminds us that we have no idea what tomorrow will bring.  

It’s not that I do not plan for the future or even for next week, but I do not long for circumstances that are different than my own.  I am choosing to learn to fall in love with the life that is right in front of me.  I am choosing to see God in it all.  To trust that he sees every moment and is holding it and has prepared it just for me.  To believe that the next thing will come only if it is supposed to and only when I’m ready.  Until then, my next thing is simply being grateful to God for what I’ve got.  Which, by the way, is pretty amazing just as it is.

~ By Elizabeth Corcoran