Keep Choosing to Trust

Isn’t it just like the enemy to masterfully slide in just in time to try and steal the show ─ to steal away some major victory, some major healing, some major spiritual progress we’ve made in our lives replacing it with doubt, fear, and discouragement?

Years ago, we celebrated the joy of our daughter, Anna's, healing after a very long medical crisis. We saw the surgeon for the last time and we rejoiced over this huge milestone. Her kidney was finally healed! It had been two years since Anna had a medical event—we were beyond celebrating!

Only a month later, I faced the temptation to doubt, panic, and relive that same medical nightmare all over again. Anna didn’t go to school, because she was having kidney pain! To see that old-familiar-fear in her eyes brought a pit to my stomach and that awful feeling of helplessness. The memories as I write these words sends a quick and cold chill throughout my body. When we had to drag out the heating pad for the first time in two years (a regular ritual while she was sick), I could almost hear the enemy laughing in my face. “See, God didn’t really heal Anna. He didn’t answer your prayers. Why don’t you just get it over with and admit He didn’t work like you told everybody He did?”

“NO,” my heart battled. “I will trust God and keep choosing to trust Him; you will not shake my confidence in God!”

Today, Anna has a healthy kidney. Sometimes the fear of reverting back to those long days in a medical wilderness still rears its ugly head. But, I have walked this journey long enough now to know that God is walking it with me and He knows the way ahead so I don’t have to be afraid. He sees around the corner of my tomorrow and my fearful mother’s heart and He is adequately prepared for it. And because of that, so am I.

It's true, the enemy knows how to masterfully steal away some major victory, some major healing, and some major spiritual progress we’ve made in our lives and replace it with doubt, fear, and discouragement. But greater is He who is in you than He who is in the world (1 John 4:4).

God is walking with you...He knows the way ahead so you don’t have to be afraid. He sees around the corner of your tomorrow...and He is adequately prepared for it. 

So what happens when healing doesn’t come, or a medical condition resurfaces, or the pain doesn’t subside, or our circumstances continue for years? Each day becomes a new day to respond faithfully to God, to trust Him with what doesn’t often make sense.

None of us knows what tomorrow holds. Maybe the battles we still face are God’s gentle reminders to never forget the years in the wilderness. Maybe God never intended for us to breathe a sigh of relief, but instead wants us to maintain that same kind of desperate dependence on Him that was so second nature in the wilderness. Maybe.

It’s so easy to let go of His hand when times are good, when the pressure is off. However, the reality is, His plan for us is to NEVER let go. Whether we realize it or not, we are always in desperate need of God.

Today, whatever circumstances you face, may Psalm 16:8 be a comfort to your soul, “I have set the LORD always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken (some translations use moved).” In other words, I will not be shaken by fear, heartbreak, doubt, disappointment, brokenness, illness, flashbacks, or any other thing that can be thrown at me. I will trust in God’s mercy and grace. My confidence is secure. His right hand will keep me and nothing I face will ever shake me because I am setting the Lord always before me holding on in desperate dependence.