When It's Not Well With My Soul

The notes to It Is Well With My Soul hung in the air, and I stood with the rest of the people and began to sing. That’s what you do when you’re in church, and everyone around you is singing.

You sing.

“When peace, like a river, attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billow’s roll … “

Such a beautiful song.

“Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul.”

But Lord … it is not well.

"It is well with my soul. It is well, it is well with my soul.”

It is not well, Lord. And I don’t think it can ever be well again.

I quit singing. I stood there, trying to quiet my thoughts and focus on the power, might, and love of the One for whom the song was written. I listened to the people around me as they sang. I briefly wondered if anyone was looking over at me … the preacher’s wife who should be singing.

I did not sing another word that day. Instead, I quietly told God how afraid … no, desperate I was. I recalled to Him all that had happened, and I reminded Him that I was small up against this mountain.

As I begged Him to miraculously fix what was broken, I remembered the clichés I had heard over the years:

“The God of the mountain is still God in the valley.”

“If God brought you to it, He will bring you through it.”

“Don’t tell God how big the storm is, tell the storm how big your God is.”

And I held to Scripture passages that over the years had become my best friends: John 14, Psalm 119, and Matthew 6.

I just don’t feel it, Lord. You have the power; please just fix this. Just fix it. Then it will be well.

But you know, months turned into years before God’s work—that was taking place all along—became evident. Oh, there were moments when I thought I saw a glimpse of sunrise. And there were days when I knew the sun had to be shining just above the angry clouds. God Himself was the only One who knew my thoughts and the tossing and turning going on in my distressed heart.

Satan tried to tell me I was alone in the fight, that no person understood or cared. He tried to tell me God was off somewhere else in the universe, working in the lives of others … you know, the ones who deserved His care.

I knew it then, and I know it today, God was always, always, holding me. I may have struggled in His embrace as I tried to understand or change reality, but my battling didn’t break His grip on my soul.

The strength of my faith doesn’t change the power of my God.

Perhaps you are tired of hurting. Maybe, today, you can’t see even the possibility of a ray of light. YET, the strength of your faith doesn’t change the power of God.

Is it you?

Are you the one?

Are you the one this is for?

Could you be that person who has no name and yet, you are heavy on my heart? It is in the hardship that God’s character is revealed.

Perhaps you are tired of hurting. Maybe, today, you can’t see even the possibility of a ray of light. The strength of your faith doesn’t change the power of God.

Keep asking.

Keep searching.

Keep knocking.

For in Jesus’ words, “The one who asks receives, the one who seeks finds, to the one who knocks the door will be opened.”

Women in ministry often experience life’s deepest pains without the benefit of earthly friendship. In many cases we must keep to ourselves as we grieve our losses: processing the addiction of a child or the hurt of a strained marriage relationship. All the while we carry our burdens, we council women in our ministries in need of someone to care. Our unique place in kingdom ministry is near to God’s heart. Why? Because it is God’s will for His people to grow in grace and knowledge no matter where we sit at His table. Those women we love matter to God. And, you know what? You matter to God, too.

Be encouraged, sweet woman of God. Crawl into the lap of your heavenly Father and know that He hears the cries of your heart. Even when you do not feel His presence, He is near. His plan will be accomplished.

It is no surprise to God when we experience a season when it is not well with our souls. God never commanded us to understand Him. He did; however, command us to trust Him. In times of heartache or discontent, it is important to remind ourselves of His might and faithfulness. Your faith will strengthen and you will gain inner peace when you look back and count the ways God kept His promise to work in all things to bring good to those who love Him.

Open your Bible and read Isaiah 40:28-31. Then read it again.

Write a personal prayer using these verses as a guide. Verbalize what is not well with your soul, then make the choice to trust God.

“Though Satan should buffet though trials should come, let this blest assurance control, that Christ hath regarded my helpless estate and hath shed his own blood for my soul.”

My friend, one day, all will be well with those souls who put their trust in Christ alone!