Children Don't Always Feel Like Gifts

Have you ever been talking to a group of friends about your kids, but you had nothing to add about your own child? Or have you longingly looked at the accomplishments of another child and wished your child would get their act together? Or perhaps you’ve felt as if you were in a constant state of emergency, having to institute martial law and lock everything down in order to deal with the trials and tribulations that you have encountered as a parent? I know I have, and if it sounds as if I am exaggerating, I can assure you I’m not.

God’s Word clearly says that children are a gift, a blessing from Him (Ps. 127:3, GNB).  However, if you have experienced any of the above scenarios, it may not always feel like your child is a blessing. There have been those times in the messes they have made when I have questioned that verse and could not see my child as a blessing. If I’m going to be honest, there have been many times in fact, when I have not felt joy when I’ve thought about my daughter. In fact, there have been times when I have felt nothing but sadness, both for her and me. And I’ve wondered why she doesn’t love me as unconditionally as I love her. With all I have given and sacrificed as a single parent, I couldn’t imagine why my daughter wouldn’t be overflowing with gratitude towards me.

I was shocked when I first realized I had these kinds of thoughts about my child! It’s natural in any type of relationship to expect that when we love and treat others well, they will do the same for us. But so often in parenting, this is simply not reality, at least for many years to come. If we expect our kids to automatically reciprocate our love and kindness, we will be very disappointed. As a friend constantly tells me, expectations are the genesis of disappointment.

I realized I misinterpreted what a child being a blessing meant. My naïve definition included: a child who always behaved the way I expected them to, one who gave me no trouble, and who was almost perfect. I was making it all about me and my desires. Scripture says that children are a gift from God. What do you do when you receive a gift you always desired? You appreciate, love, cherish, and take care of it. You are grateful to the person who gave it to you, and if given the opportunity, you reciprocate. You focus on the gift. 

Our children can teach us so many things like how to show grace, mercy, and forgiveness like God does for us, and as our earthly parents have modelled. Our responsibility before God is to treasure them, not to idolize them, or place them above God, but to understand the magnitude of what God is doing when He blesses us with that child. Then we can reciprocate by thanking and leaning on Him as we raise them up for His glory, especially through those difficult parenting seasons.    

At times, you may feel like your children are a burden, but it’s important at those times to remember God chose you to be their mother and He has a purpose for it. He knew what He was doing. It was His intention for them to be under your care. I know I am continually learning how to love my child and see her as a blessing even when she is not making the right choices.  

When you’re struggling to see your children as the God-given blessing they are, here are a few things you can do:

1.  Pray.

Only God can save your children and work in their lives. Ask Him to reveal Himself to them in such a way that they will know without a doubt that He is real and loves them. 

2.  Be Available to Them.

When your children ask for help or just need to talk, be there. Praise their positive qualities and choices and make the effort to show up in their lives to the things that are important to them. Spend time with them, showing an interest in the things that matter to them.

3.  Trust God with Their Faith Journey.

It’s heartbreaking when a child you’ve raise in the faith forsakes your beliefs, but remember that their faith journey is not over and God is still at work. Also realize that you cannot expect them to behave like a believer when they’re not walking with the Lord. That’s unrealistic. Like the Prodigal Father, wait patiently with open arms for your child to return home.  

4.  Show Unconditional Love.

Love your children unconditionally even when they are making bad choices. Doesn’t God love us despite the things we do wrong? When they seem most unlovable, that’s your opportunity to love them like Christ—unconditionally.  

5  Point Them to Christ.

Witness to them by how you live your daily life. Share openly about your relationship with Christ and model God’s goodness through your loving and kind actions toward them and others, especially when they don’t deserve it. They will see by your example that God is alive and living in you.

Even when it’s a challenge choose to see the best in your children, because it is there. I see a fiercely loyal, giving, compassionate, and forgiving person in my daughter. No matter how someone treats her, she always sees the best in them. She is there when a friend needs her most.  These are qualities that my daughter is teaching me.

The goal of parenting is not to make your children “perfect” like your friends’ kids. It is not to stop others from gossiping about your child or to prevent you from feeling hurt and embarrassed.    The ultimate goal is to point them to Christ. Parenting can sometimes feel more like a war, so gather your weapons and fight for them. Don’t give up on them. And remember there should be nothing our children can ever do that will change our unconditional love for them. We have to trust God with the children He has blessed us with, giving them our very best. 

Children are a blessing from the Lord. With His strength, we can treat them like the priceless treasures they are.  

~ By Tamara Meyers