Help - I'm Burning Out!

I worked 12 hours at the office yesterday. When I got home, I wanted to take a hot bath and go to bed, but my husband had been waiting for me to come home for several hours. He wanted to talk and spend time with me. That wasn’t going to happen if I was snoring away in bed! However, I had no energy left. I felt worn out—and it wasn’t the first time. 

I’m guessing you’re a lot like me. You’ve said “yes” too many times to baking cupcakes for the birthday party, organizing the caroling trip at the nursing home, taking on a new project at work, or leading a devotion at the Christmas tea…and that’s just today! 

We’re women who have high expectations of ourselves, and set the bar high. And then…we can’t live up to those expectations. Whether it’s at home, in our ministries, or in any other area of our lives, we long not just for balance, but for actual “down time” to do nothing. Of course that never happens! Instead we overload and burn the candle at both ends. How can we stay ignited and have a bright flame without getting burned or burning out?

AVOIDING BURNOUT AT HOME 

Our personal lives can be so difficult to manage! There is literally always something that needs to be done or someone who needs our attention. Two of my girlfriends have laughingly admitted that they actually eat breakfast in the shower each morning simply because their lives are so packed! Yet when we let our personal lives get overwhelmed, it often overflows in hurtful words, angry actions, frustration, resentment, and bitterness.

Interestingly enough, the same things that lead to burnout in ministry can cause pain at home. Reasons you might be burning out at home include:

1.  Lack of communication

Families need time to simply talk without distractions. The ideal time for most is dinner. This must be a time with no phones, no electronics, and no television. Keep abreast of what’s going on with each other. Even a meal shared two times a week will help keep everyone in the loop.

2.  Not enough delegation

My son started packing his own lunch in second grade, and doing his own laundry in third grade. Sure he sometimes packed a bowl of cereal and bought milk as his lunch. And yes, he washed his darks and lights together and ended up with lots of grayish clothes. But you know what? Those were his problems and not mine. Delegate and then let go. Don’t force everyone to live up to your perfect standards.

3.  Unclear vision

What IS your vision for a balanced life? Take time to write your goals for yourself, for your ministry, and for your family. Be realistic—not overly optimistic.

4.  Mixed up priorities

Once you know your vision, it’s a lot easier to set priorities. When I finally decided that spending time with my family playing games, going for walks, and just hanging out was a top priority (based on the vision of having a strong and healthy family), it became clear that a clean kitchen (bedroom, living room, and so on) was not my top priority. My floor might go un-mopped for weeks. But when we’re all laughing together, who cares what the floor looks like?

5.  Lack of encouragement

We all know how much we need encouragement. What about our family members? Encourage them with notes, words, hugs, prayers, or whatever else you can. And make sure you stop for at least five minutes of reflection each day (even if this has to be when you’re driving in the car) and remind yourself, “Hey! You’re doing pretty well with this balancing act! Hang in there!”

AVOIDING BURNOUT IN MINISTRY 

If you’re leading a ministry you not only have to guard your own life from burnout, but you need to be aware of what will cause burnout in the lives of your team. When team members are overloaded they’re more likely to quit. And who can afford the time and effort to recruit new volunteers? Here are a few top reasons women burn out in ministry—and what you can do about it:

1.  Lack of communication

Keep in touch often with emails or copies of meeting minutes. Several churches I’ve talked to have started a closed Facebook group for just the leaders on their team and they communicate with everyone there. Or text everyone with a group message. Avoid the work of calling everyone individually (you don’t have time for that!), but make sure everyone is kept in the loop.

2.  Not enough delegation

Get organized and get the right people doing each job. When you’re at a meeting and ask “Any volunteers?” and no one steps up, that’s a great indication that this task is not a priority in your ministry. Don’t volunteer yourself for all the tasks others avoid. Delegate and let go. It’s better to let someone else fail than to keep the load on your own shoulders. Ask others to get involved. Have each person on your team invite a friend to help her. Share the load!Unclear vision—Make sure everyone on your team knows the purpose of your ministry and how you plan to get there. Keep your vision statement simple, and talk about it often to fan the flames of enthusiasm. Need help with knowing what your vision is yourself? Pick up Fresh & Vibrant Women’s Ministry Kit (Group Publishing) and use the easy-to-follow guides in this kit to create and communicate the mission of your ministry.

3.  Mixed up priorities

Several women’s ministry leaders I know are retired and all their children are grown. They have lots of time to volunteer and get annoyed with those on the team who can’t show up for meetings because they have to drive kids to soccer practice. You and your team members need to know it’s okay to put family or personal life before ministry. And remember that what one person feels is a higher priority might be different from the opinion of another. Respect each other.

4.  Lack of encouragement

This is so critical! I can’t think of how many times I’ve been ready to quit, and have received a kind note thanking me for my work on the team. “Well…I guess I can stay involved for a few more months,” I always think. So say thank you often. Celebrate successes. Write notes affirming the contributions and talents of your team. It’s hard to quit when you know how valuable you are to a team!

Especially as you look forward to a new year, why don’t you carve out a chunk of time and sit down with your schedule to review the activities both at home and ministry in the coming year. Decide now how you’re going to intentionally avoid burnout so you can enjoy the life God intends for you to live and enjoy the people He’s given you to love both at home and in your ministry! 

SYMPTOMS OF BURNOUT 

• Exhaustion and other physical symptoms of stress
• Consistently negative attitude
• Becoming less involved; missing meetings 
• Frustration 
• Deflated self-esteem or feelings of failure
• Lack of enthusiasm 
• Ignoring these symptoms won’t make them go away. Talk about them and find out what’s underneath.

WHEN YOU'RE ON THE VERGE OF BURNOUT...TRY ONE OF THESE:  

• Go to the gym or go for a brisk walk. Even if it seems like you don’t have time, force yourself to exercise. Your body will thank you—and you’ll come back to home or work with a smile.  
• Eat lunch by yourself. Bring a magazine. Watch people passing by. Stare at the clouds.
• Go online and watch funny videos on YouTube.
• Take a hot bath. Lock the door and turn up music so you can’t hear the knocking of children.
• Ask yourself, “Will this thing that’s stressing me out right now matter in a week? A month? A year?” If not, let go of it.
• Get in the car, crank up your favorite worship song, and sing at the top of your lungs. It’s amazingly refreshing for your heart!

PRACTICAL TIPS TO AVOID MINISTRY BURNOUT FOR YOU AND YOUR TEAM

Pray. Yes, this sounds cliché, but it’s important. Take the situation to God first and ask Him for direction. Then, listen.

• Talk to someone wiser. Ask for insight from a different perspective.
• Look for opportunities for training. This can help you get re-energized, re-inspired, and refocused.
• Take responsibility for your part. Did you over-commit? Experience a communication breakdown? Avoid confrontation? Cause a confrontation? Not ask for clear directions or enough support? 
• Identify elements that can be improved. What’s working? What’s not working? What symptoms of burnout are you experiencing?