For Us Eclectic Ones

Serving on a team of pastor’s wives, I felt like the odd one out save for another pastor’s wife who also held a full-time job. We go against the grain of the mainstream expectations of a pastor’s wife. As you would imagine, the bond for both of us was instant as we got each other on a level that the other wives less readily related to even though they are all amazing women.

Finding my place on that team was a struggle for a long time after we were ordained. My husband worked full-time, and was having the time of his life, while I wondered if I was making any impact at all. Most of my contribution amounted to being a backing vocalist on the worship team once a month. The other wives were leading ministries or leading worship while I wondered and prayed for God to help me be more fruitful.

I wept many tears of pain and frustration while waiting in that season because each time I stood worshiping with my hands lifted, God kept giving me images of what I was called to do—lead His people in worship. I did not think it was going to happen. I didn’t want to use my status as a pastor’s wife to pull a Sarah; i.e., get things moving to fulfill God’s promises. So, I waited, while others noticed and would ask, “Why aren’t you leading worship?”

I decided to throw myself into other areas where I knew I was gifted. I love walking with people—pastoring them and coaching them—so I started a ministry to single ladies. Again, unlike the other amazing women and their ministries, the growth was slow, and it was unpopular. I was also unpopular. You can imagine the war within when I faced rejection—rejection from the very singles I was trying to help. The popular singles stayed away from meetings and our conference by the droves, even refusing to help when I asked them to lead sections of the conference.

The conference went well beyond my expectations and has borne fruit (still to this day) even though I sobbed uncontrollably on the couch when I got home that evening while my husband wondered what was going on. The fact that I didn’t get the support I craved was a lot for me and at the end of the day I tried to understand people’s lack of support and enthusiasm, but came up short.

My story has a happy ending though. About seven months later, I was asked to lead worship last minute because a leader lost her voice. So, I did, and the heavens opened. I became a worship leader from that point on after years of tears. Also, walking the lonely road prepared me for the church planting adventure which we are currently on. And those singles who stayed away by the droves, finally admitted that it was helpful for them to have a safe space.

God sometimes takes us on unusual journeys. Some of us are not the stereotypical pastor’s wives and that is okay. Today, I find as much joy in being a Christian life, career, and business coach as I find writing songs and leading worship. I admit, worship is still my first love. However, I have fully embraced the fact that I am not typical. I don’t have one gifting. I am a woman of many passions, I love Jesus and His Word, and I am called to be a pastor’s wife…and that’s just fine.