When You Have Been Hurt by the Church

Moving boxes piled around us, my husband and I plopped onto a carton in the kitchen of our new home. “Where do we even start?” I said.

“Order pizza,” my husband Rob replied. My hangry, overwhelmed self never loved him more.

We waited for delivery slurping down soda, talking about things we wanted to explore in our new community. Newly found excitement nearly made me forget my weariness until he mentioned a topic I’d hoped to avoid. “So where should we go to church tomorrow?” he said.

Now I’m a church girl. I’ve gone to church since forever and not just because you’re supposed to. I found Jesus and the rest of my best friends at church. I experienced joy worshiping in church. I received fulfillment serving through church. So why was I scrambling for excuses?

That’s when I realized the damage done by our last church still had my heart in pieces. Everything in me wanted to avoid enduring anything like that again.

Maybe you can relate. Unfortunately, church wounding is all too common. Perhaps at your most vulnerable moment, no one came to help. Maybe church leadership failed, or gossip and petty arguments led to disillusionment. When a church – or church members – betray us, it’s unexpected and upsetting.

Despite my reluctance and mixed emotions, we ventured into a new church that Sunday. Five years later, it’s grounded us in our new community, led to meaningful relationships, and grew us in our faith.

Here are thoughts that helped me process my pain to re-engage:

1.  Jesus Kept Going

Think your church has problems? The church of Jesus’ day was way off track with flawed, ineffective leadership. Yet over and over He went to synagogues and taught. He healed there. And He confronted the problems He encountered. But He never abandoned going to assembled faith communities or instructed His disciples to.

2.  It’s God’s Design

Jesus equates believers to sheep, the gathering of believers to a flock. Lone sheep are easy pickings for enemy attack. We’re created for connection.  So, when we feel lost, beat down, injured, or grieved, isolation only keeps us from the light and hope God offers.

3.  Real Not Virtual

Technology makes it easy to connect with churches online, which can be helpful. However, it’s not a substitute for genuine human contact, relationship building, and involvement.

No church is perfect, because it’s made of sinful people still needing transformation—including you and me! There’s a church that’s right for you. Don’t give up—you’ll find it. Until the Lord returns, it’s my job to remain faithful, “not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another – and all the more as you see the Day approaching” (Hebrews 10:25 NIV).