Can I Be Bold and Gentle?

I took a deep breath and put the book down. Sitting in bed with books and my Bible, the clock neared 5:30 a.m. Even in that earliest of hours, I could feel the fire in my belly being stoked by the words on the page. 

I was born with fire in my belly. My parents often tell stories of my early childhood. Like the time when I was playing in our unfinished basement. I wanted to climb the metal post and swing like Tarzan, onto my dad’s tool bench. Thankfully, I didn’t make it far, but with the rope secured in my bite, I slipped—ripping out six of my teeth.

I was always on a mission. If I saw something that piqued my interest, I went after it. I was a go-getter with the best of them, always trying new things, always bold, and always brave. 

As I’ve grown, this bold, “go-get ‘em” spirit hasn’t gone away. I still have a fire in my belly. I’m the woman who questions much of what she hears and researches to get to the bottom of those questions. If I see a path I want to pursue, I’m more likely to take three steps in any direction than to wait until I find out the best route to take.

It should come as no surprise to you that “gentle” is not a word often used to describe me. “Pit bull on Red Bull”? Yep. “Tiger meat wrapped in barbed wire?” Check. Rarely have I been called gentle. Though I have met women to whom gentleness comes as naturally as baking, I have not stumbled upon either naturally. Gentleness is something I have had to work for, train for, learn about, and seek out. Sometimes I feel as though I’m straddling a line: on the one hand, I like that I’m a bold woman. On the other, I know I need to seek gentleness. As I straddle this line, I’ve wondered: are the two mutually exclusive? Does being bold mean I can’t also be gentle? Does being gentle mean I will lose my confidence and curiosity?

It was this internal struggle, which led me to lower the book that early morning. In my pursuit of gentleness, I found myself reading a popular Christian book on womanhood. I chose it because it promised to teach me how to be gentle, but somewhere along the line I noticed that I wasn’t learning about characteristics I should seek. Instead, I was learning about characteristics that women who want to be gentle should avoid. The message of the book seemed to be: If you want to be gentle, avoid being opinionated, don’t assume leadership roles, and defer to those around you. 

This message didn’t feel right, so I turned to the other side of the spectrum. As a woman who is proud (most of the time) to have leadership skills, I turned to books that aimed to encourage female leaders. I hoped to find some guidance from women who had learned to navigate the dicey paths of leadership while still being kind and generous. What I found was equally disappointing. I was told to speak up, to not care about hurting the feelings of others, and to go after what I wanted without concern for others. That sounded as equally unbiblical as the other side of the spectrum, and left me, once again, wondering: can I be both bold and gentle?

Finally, I turned to the Scriptures. Though this should be my knee-jerk reaction, I find that it is only when I find other solutions incomplete that I turn to God’s Word. (Side note: Let’s work towards being women who take their questions to the text first. I need to work on that.) 

What I found in God’s Word was the answer to my question of being bold and being gentle—and the answer surprised me. Rather than giving a simple “yes” or “no,” the Word of God reoriented the conversation altogether.

Gentleness is Not Weakness

“But in your hearts revere Christ as LORD. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give a reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect” (1 Pet. 3:15). A gentle woman is to be mentally equipped and intellectually ready to make a defense for the hope she has in Christ. We are to use our minds to study His Word and to be articulate enough to voice our reasonable faith. Christian women are to be smart and brave before those who oppose Christ, while also being gentle. None of these characteristics—brave, smart, strong—preclude gentleness.

When King David reflected on how the Lord rescued him from his enemies, he said: “You have given me the shield of your salvation, and your right hand supported me, and your gentleness made me great” (Ps. 18:36, ESV). David praises the Lord that, through His gentleness, He restored David to his place as King of Israel.

Strength is Not Gentleness-less

In the book of Titus, amid a slew of commands for believers, we read that Christians are, “To speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people” (Titus 3:2, ESV). When I feel that my strength is being questioned, I am quick to argue or to try to prove myself right. However, believers are to avoid having a predisposition to arguing (Note: the text does not say that we are not to quarrel, but that we are to avoid it; this is an important distinction). Instead, we are to work as peacemakers through gentleness.

In a passage specifically directed at church leadership, Paul writes: “And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness” (2 Tim. 2:24-25). God’s requirements for the leaders of His people are not that they are good at making utilitarian decisions, but that they be gentle.

In our search to be women who are both bold and gentle, we must avoid the pitfalls of either side. We misstep when we try to pursue gentleness by avoiding our God-given leadership abilities, and we misstep when we try to pursue strength by being unkind or ungentle. As women who claim the name of Christ, our leadership should look like His: He is the Shepherd of His people who gently leads us. As strong, brave, and bold women, let us seek today to emulate our God in the way that He leads His people.

~ By Amy Gannett