The Hurt of Unanswered Prayer
Are you feeling the hurt of unanswered prayer? As you wait in silence, trust that God sees it all - and if He’s withholding an answer, He has a reason.
A while ago, I received an email from a woman I met: “It’s been years since you added my daughter, Betsy, to your prayer list. I want to thank you ‘muchly’ for the wonderful answers of a restored relationship with her…and best of all seeing her come back to a strong faith in God!”
I had prayed for prodigals every Tuesday, primarily because of the burden I had for some of my own daughters. I gladly added her daughter to my list, as I had many others. While I rejoiced in her wonderful news, I mourned about my own unanswered prayer. For a moment, I ashamedly cried, “Lord I started this prayer time at your prompting on behalf of my daughters. How could you answer her prayer and not mine!” Instead of being filled with joy, there was a sting of sorrow.
What is it about unanswered prayer that hurts so much? Why is it so soul-wrenching? I think it’s because it directly attacks our belief system and view of God and how much we trust Him. Ultimately, it can pose an incredible threat to our faith. But had God not answered my prayer? He had. It just wasn’t for my child. I can’t agonize over it as it gets me no where. Rather, I need to keep on my knees and not lose heart. I need to worship Him despite what I can’t see, “Faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see” (Heb. 11:1). And that’s what we hold on to.
Otherwise, we can so easily fall into the comparison trap. “He must not love me as much as Betsy’s mom or He would have answered my prayer too.” Or we secretly wrestle with what haven’t I done to gain God’s favor too? Those feelings can gnaw at the very core of our soul—plummeting us into despair and discouragement and a “why even bother praying attitude.”
If I’m honest, there have been times I have thrown up my hands in my heart and refused to pray on because it felt like my prayers were deficient. What that did, however, was only break down my fellowship with God resurrecting a huge wall. I thought I had to protect myself from the hurt and disappointment that God’s silence brought. As a result, my trust in God began to die a slow death with every unanswered prayer.
Answered prayer falls within the many “mysteries of God” category. There is simply no human understanding as to why He answers one person’s prayers and seemingly not another’s no matter how hard or long they both pray. Perhaps we’re looking at it all wrong: answered prayer according to our own finite short-sighted perspective.
Because of the hurt that can develop with no answer month after month and even year after year, we can find it safer to pray as few prayers as possible. But we’re led back again to our trust issue with God. Will we trust Him or won’t we? Author Lysa TerKeurst says: “God loves us too much to answer our prayers at any other time than the right time.” God sees it all and if He’s withholding an answer, He has a reason—and that’s where our trust comes into play. Even when I continue to see my unanswered prayers met with a painful silence—He asks me to pray on—and more importantly to seek the companionship with Him that is at the heart of prayer.
Philip Yancey put it this way: “If our sole focus is only on unanswered prayer, our faith will be shaken and even threatened because we will not always understand the time table of God. It is the companionship of God that will carry us through as we will cling to Who we know God to be not what we expect or think He should do. If your faith is hinging on an answered prayer, then every time an answer doesn’t come in the way you expect it, you’ll lose a little piece of it. Our lives of faith have to be anchored to God Himself, not our answered prayer.”
As I thought about the hurt in my heart that day after that excited mom shared her answered prayer with me, I knew I needed to let God heal the hurt. And that started by being honest with Him about my inner anguish and disappointment. After I got up off my knees and washed my face, I made the choice to see my unanswered prayers as divine opportunities to trust in God’s sovereignty and perfect timing and to continue worshipping Him—even in the silence. Because ultimately this life of faith is all about companionship—it’s about a relationship with a person Who knows far better than me what timing is best!
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