His Purposes for My Pain

This past December I had my 23^rd surgery. My entire colon was removed, resulting in my ileostomy bag becoming a permanent fixture on my body. The surgery was successful and I am thankful to have it behind me, but in retrospect, I must have been slightly crazy to schedule a major surgery amidst the busiest holiday season of the year, Christmas. 

In anticipation of the six to eight weeks of rest that I knew would be needed for recovery, I broke one of my cardinal rules and began decorating and preparing for Christmas before Thanksgiving. I love Christmas and was thrilled to have an excuse to listen to Christmas music early. Overall, I felt very prepared going into my surgery. I had most of my gifts shopped for and wrapped (or at least on their way via Amazon Prime…my best friend during the month of December), the house was decorated, our tree was up, and Christmas cards were ordered. I was looking forward to the forced slow-down and being able to reflect on the advent season. 

I mentioned that I had ordered Christmas cards. I had a lofty goal to write a personal note on each 100-plus cards and address them while I was recovering. That just didn’t happen. It is now summer and I still have not sent out my Christmas cards. So, in attempting to make lemonade out of lemons, I will be sending out a “Christmas in July” card this year. 

While I may have failed miserably at sending out Christmas cards, I was successful in pondering the reason we celebrate Christmas; the birth of our Messiah, Jesus Christ. Every year the Holy Spirit impresses a specific part of the Christmas story on my heart and allows me to examine it with fresh eyes. 

This year, I was inspired by the resolve and focus that Jesus came to earth with. He knew His purpose for suiting up in flesh was two part: to set an example for us how to live life in communion with God through the power of the Holy Spirit, and to ultimately die the most excruciating death known to man in order that we never taste the sting of death. 

I found myself wondering what my life would look like if I lived out every day with such a specific focus. How would that change the way I feel and process my chronic pain? Jesus, most likely around the time that His parents found Him at the temple in Jerusalem as a young boy (Luke 2:22-52), realized the pain that was in store for Him to endure. He would have understood that He was the fulfillment to the Jewish prophecy. He knew He was going to suffer. So how, with that knowledge, could He keep living with such purpose and focus rather than be frozen in fear? Yes He was God, but he was also very much fully man. 

I am thankful that I do not know exactly how my own physical suffering will change or increase. If I did, you’d probably find me balled up in a corner somewhere worrying, crying, and pitying myself. Very unlike Jesus’ response. 

Jill Briscoe, in her podcast series, “The Silent Years” talks more about this. “Jesus focused on His purpose rather than His impending pain, because He was committed to daily doing His Father’s work through the power given to Him by the Holy Spirit.” 

Since letting this burrow deep into my heart, I’ve been challenged to attempt the same in my own life. To start my day talking to my heavenly Father and allowing His Spirit to permeate every facet of my day. And you know something? I have felt a shift. I have felt a growing desire to live for His purposes rather than in fear of my pain. My cross feels lighter. My broken body seems more bearable. 

As I address my Christmas cards in July this year, I’ll be mindful of what Jesus tells his disciples in Matt. 6:33 & 34, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” And I’ll remember that He spoke those words knowing every detail of the pain He’d endure for me. And I’ll be encouraged to endure my pain for Him.