The Pain of Being Childless

It is very hard to watch new members being added to the church nursery, rejoicing with the proud parents and never joining the club. It is very hard always being available to help in Sunday school and lead Bible studies because you never have to give night feedings or pick up children from sports or attend school concerts. 

And it takes much grace to visit the maternity ward armed with flowers and gifts and witness the delight and happiness of a new mom while slowly your dream child dies. 

We pray "according to Thy will" but are we really prepared to accept whatever God thinks is best for us?

The pain and anguish of childlessness is a theme often repeated in the Bible. The private sorrow that pervades every area of ones life has survived generations, and is as intensely real today as it was in Old Testament times. Consider the story of Hannah (1 Samuel 1). At a time when a woman's role was to be a mother, Hannah had no role. She longed to fill her arms with children and her days with the busyness of motherhood. She wanted to love her own little people and to see her husband delight in them. Instead, she suffered deep anguish at the hands of Peninnah who taunted and provoked her. Her husband loved her, she knew that, but he did not understand what she was suffering. She had no one to turn to except the Lord. 

Every year they traveled to Shiloh and every year Hannah went through humiliation as the meat was distributed. Her thoughts over the years had changed from hoping for a baby to despair as no baby came. Hannah knew that God is the giver of life and the giver of children. So in deep anguish she asked Him for a child. But Hannah considered carefully before she made her request. If God were to give her a child, then she wanted to give Him something in return. What would be the most precious thing she could give? That which the Lord had given her, the child! She would give the child to the Lord's service. If the child was to serve the Lord in the temple then it would have to be a boy. Hannah's prayer was thought out and specific. She asked the Lord for a son. 

Eli, the priest, misunderstood her. He thought she was drunk. He, a priest, should have recognized fervent prayer, but he didn't. Hannah was used to being misunderstood, but she was always respectful. Eli was a priest of the Lord and so she called him "lord" and herself his servant. She did not ask him to pray for her, for she did not doubt that God had heard her. Instead, she asked him to understand. Thus, having poured out her soul to God, she went away, no longer sad.  

Yes, Hannah was given her son but God may choose to not give us anything. So how do you take nothing and make something out of it? How do you let go and live with the hurt and still serve God wholeheartedly? It's a matter of trust.

You see, Hannah believed in a God who listened and cared and who could be trusted. Maybe her years of unhappiness had driven her to talk to God far more than she would otherwise have done. Each time she watched Peninnah go proudly through a pregnancy and then give birth to a healthy baby she must have turned to God in tears with the question, "Why not me?" But turning to God in anguish had also brought her closer to Him. Peninnah's mocking behavior doesn't show any evidence that she was close to the Lord. She would not have been a suitable mother for the special man God was going to send to lead the nation. Hannah, as her prayer shows, regarded God as holy, as the giver of children and food, riches and honor. She realized that the Lord will judge the earth and that justice is in His hands. Hannah was a most suitable mother, and the long wait as a barren wife that taught her so much, was not an accident. 

God gave Hannah a son, Samuel, and his very name ("asked from God") was a constant reminder that he was a gift from the Lord who listens and understands. Those who turn to the Lord find that He is faithful. Hannah, faithful to her promise to God, took her little boy, her wanted, dearly longed for little boy, to the temple and said: "I prayed for this child and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him. So now I give him to the Lord."

If Hannah had any misgivings about life at the temple she kept them to herself. Eli's sons were a disgrace. He showed no ability to train children well, yet Hannah left Samuel in his care. She trusted God, and she had taught Samuel during those important early years to honor the Lord, to trust in His faithfulness and above all, to spend his life in God's service.

God can transform our nothingness into somethingness. And, God does give us something. He gives us work and grace sufficient for each day for. In accepting God's will positively, as the best possible thing for you today, lies peace.

Was Hannah's peace dependent on the Lord answering her prayer or hearing her prayer? We pray "according to Thy will" but are we really prepared to accept whatever God thinks is best for us? Yes, Hannah was given her son but God may choose to not give us anything. So how do you take nothing and make something out of it? How do you let go and live with the hurt and still serve God wholeheartedly? It's a matter of trust. God can transform our nothingness into somethingness. And, God does give us something. He gives us work and grace sufficient for each day for, "we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." (Ephesians 1:9)

In accepting God's will positively, as the best possible thing for you today, lies peace. In admitting that what you want will never be as satisfying as what He wants for your life, lies peace. In accepting the comfort that He wants to give you, lies healing and hope. 

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

~ By Anne Williamson