The Pain of Infertility

This is what it means to be held,

how it feels when the sacred is torn from your life,

and you survive.

This is what it is to be loved

and to know that the promise was, 

when everything fell, 

we’d be held.

Those lyrics, recorded by Natalie Grant in the song Held, put into words the pain of a mother losing her baby. Whether you’ve grieved the death of an infant, suffered the loss of miscarriage, or never known the joy of exclaiming the words “I’m pregnant,” you understand the deep sorrow expressed there.

Vaneetha Risner shares in her blog that the song is based on her own story, written by her friend Christa Wells. “The words of the chorus echo my experience,” she writes. “God loves us. He holds us in our pain. And because of his love and compassion, we can go through anything, knowing he’ll never leave us. We will always be held by him.”

The pain of infertility is complicated. Its costs can be physical, financial, social and marital. It encompasses grief for the future family you had envisioned for yourself and your spouse. Friends and family members may not know how to respond, or you may choose not to share your very personal grief with outsiders. Family and other group gatherings take on new challenges as the mere presence of children can serve as a reminder of the absence of your own. 

Infertility is a major life crisis. You may wish to seek out a counselor or support group to help you sort out your emotions. Allow yourself time to mourn.

At the same time, though, don’t forget that God is present, even in your grief. Isaiah reminds us: “Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering” (Is. 53:4a). The Psalmist writes, “The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous, and his ears are attentive to their cry” (Ps. 34:15). Cling to Him when all hope seems lost; feel His loving arms around you, holding you in your pain. 

As Vaneetha Risner writes, “None of my other trials have been memorialized with a song, but God has brought meaning to them all. With each loss, he has pulled me closer to himself, held me tightly and shown me the depth of his comfort. The deeper the sorrow, the more profoundly he draws near.”

If you are struggling with infertility, Just Between Us (JBU) has compiled articles just for you. Written by women like yourself who have experienced the pain of infertility, they will remind you that you don’t have to go through it alone. Avail yourself of these resources, reach out to other women who understand your loss, and take your pain to the Father, “the God of all comfort” (2 Cor. 1:3), who can “strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being … that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God” (Eph. 3:16, 19).