She’s only 4’11,” but she makes eye contact with everyone she passes. Heads nod politely and smiles are returned. She barely weighs 100 pounds, but she is noticed in a crowd. She is soft-spoken and has the tiniest handwriting I’ve ever seen, but she communicates a powerful message, making a difference to one person at a time. What if every family had an Auntie Alpha?

Though never married, she loves more purely than some couples. Though never a mother, she nurtures from a deep well. Though she lives alone, she befriends strangers within minutes. Though in her 90s, she has the optimism of a 20-year old; her childlike excitement leaves no room for crotchety complaints from herself or anyone else. What if every family had an Auntie Alpha?

Some years ago, Auntie Alpha visited us for a few weeks. Transplanted from metropolitan New York City to rural Illinois for a month, she won the hearts of our friends, the children in our church, and even the Walmart clerk. When the clerk greeted her with a broad smile exclaiming, “Oh hi! I remember you from last week! Are you still enjoying your visit?” I realized there was something unique about Auntie Alpha. Of all the hundreds of people through his lane, why did she stand out? What did she give the clerk that he needed? I didn’t even remember we had gone through his lane the week before, but she greeted him by name. I blended in with the blur of the customers, but he remembered her. If she made a significant impression on a fleeting acquaintance, imagine if every family had an Auntie Alpha.     

Is it her vulnerability that draws people to come alongside her? I used to think so, until I saw strength. Does she use sweetness to attract people like bees to a flower? I used to think so, until I saw sincerity. Does she expect respect from years as a college professor?  She certainly deserves it, but even though she is a teacher by nature, she guides without the other person knowing it. Does she take the lead because she’s one of the few family members left of my parents’ generation? She has the right to, but she also knows when to lead and when to follow. For example, during the month she was here, she allowed me to manage the details of my household, but she set the mood while we worked. What if every family had an Auntie Alpha?

It’s been said that one’s characteristics in the younger years will be magnified in their final years. If a woman develops the habit of focusing on the negative in a situation, she may be a vocal complainer about everything and everyone when she is old. If she allows bitterness and unforgiveness to take root, she may peer at the world from the top of her rimmed glasses, her face framed by a 90-year old frown. But if a woman lives her life drawing from the well of love, she will not run dry when she is old. She will water others with compassion, creativity, laughter, and gentleness, so they, in turn, can touch others.

Because Auntie Alpha believes each person she encounters is handpicked by God to cross her path, she greets strangers with eagerness and readiness. Sometimes it’s a fleeting encounter, passing on the street, exchanging smiles, maybe the only smile in their day. Sometimes there is time for conversation, and the other person will usually hug her when they part. What happened in those few minutes? She prayed, she listened, and she responded to the heart. Imagine if every family had an Auntie Alpha.

When I was a child I thought, Auntie Alpha was fun to be with, but I didn’t appreciate the richness of her uniqueness. I’m glad it’s not too late. Maybe that’s why the bus driver in New York City shook her hand when she exited the bus. Maybe it was too late for him to say thanks to his own Auntie Alpha.

Now Auntie Alpha is in a nursing home. Her interaction with staff and residents is consistent with how she has lived her entire life. As I watch her, I ask myself, “What characteristics do I want magnified when I’m 96?” Am I drawing from a well of bitterness—or love? Am I charting my own course—or am I in step with the Spirit? Do I recognize that if God handpicks strangers to cross my path, how much more He handpicks my coworkers and family relationships? Do I silently pray for the other one while in conversation, that his or her heart will be open to God—or do I think about my response and my need? Do I brush past people realizing they probably won’t remember me—or do I see hearts?

Imagine if you were the Auntie Alpha in your family!