My childhood was difficult, to say the least. Obedience was demanded in my family; it was a requirement for acceptance. So, I spent most of my time trying to please everyone to gain parental approval. I obeyed outwardly, but inwardly I held my breath and stomped my feet!
As an adult, I took control and spent most of my time pleasing myself. I lived for the moment, doing whatever I felt would provide me with the most pleasure. I lived a life of complete disobedience, moving ever onward toward self-destruction.
When I became a Christian, I knew my lifestyle had to change. For years, I tried to change myself from the inside out. It didn’t work—God had to change my heart before I could change my actions.
One of the first areas of conviction was my sexual promiscuity. When I realized this my mind screamed out, “Oh no, Lord, not that area first!” My heart knew this area needed the biggest change, so from that point on I lived my life in obedience without compromise.
Soon I began dating a Christian man. During our two-year courtship, we remained sexually pure, though it wasn’t easy. I knew that a sexual relationship before and outside of marriage would be clearly displeasing to God.
First Thessalonians 4:3 says, “Abstain from sexual immorality.” First Corinthians 6:18 states: “Flee immorality.” Some versions say, “Flee fornication.” Fornication, of course, means any sexual conduct by unmarried persons. Then there is 1 Cor. 7:3-5, Eph. 5:3 and Eph. 5:31 that instruct that sexual involvement belongs within marriage.
Additionally, counseling professionals advise that premarital and extra-marital intimacies distort a person’s view of their potential mate and set up unrealistic expectations of what marriage should be. Sensing that this relationship could develop into more than just a dating one, I wanted no distractions.
Our relationship continued to develop and we began dating each other exclusively. Our backgrounds and past experiences were much the same. We shared many of the same interests like concerts, opera, movies, bicycling, and most importantly, ministry. We began attending the same church, and together taught a Sunday school class helping fellow believers discover their spiritual gifts. Eventually we fell deeply in love.
We soon became engaged. I asked my best friend and my sister to be my bridesmaids, and we purchased our dresses. Most importantly, we set our wedding date. Our plans were complete.
As a couple, we tried to do all the right things. We were obedient. We prayed and sought God’s direction for our lives. Up to that point, all signs led to our pursuing the marriage.
However, God began making it clear to me that I was to break off the engagement. Through prayer and Scripture, through listening to the Holy Spirit’s “still small voice,” and through our pre-marital counseling, I became convinced that this was not God’s best for me. God used Psalm 46:10 and Psalm 37:7, “Be still and know that I am God,” and Isaiah 30:21, which says, “Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it.’”
I firmly believed that if our hearts truly wanted only God’s best and if we identify with Psalm 40:8, “I desire to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart,” we will know without question what God desires for us to do in every situation of our lives.
Did I have to be obedient? It was a truly agonizing decision. I knew I would experience a tremendous void in my life if I chose obedience. I would miss the companionship of someone I loved and who loved me. I would miss the fun of having someone with whom to share my jokes and sense of humor, and someone who was a marvelous gift-giver. Most of all, I would miss my best friend.
I remember sitting at the drive-up window at my bank one afternoon. While waiting, a song by the group Newsong played on the radio. The chorus went like this: “God is too wise to be mistaken, God is too good to be unkind, so when you don’t understand, when you don’t see His plan, when you can‘t trace His hand, trust His heart.” I knew then that no matter how difficult all of this was to understand I had to be obedient. So, with a tear-stained face and an extremely heavy heart, I made the choice. A few days later, I painfully severed our relationship.
Obedience is never easy. It usually means dealing with a lot of unknowns. It’s scary and often painful. Many times, I told God I did not understand His plan; I could only rest in knowing that He had my best interests in His heart.
Almost seven years have passed and I no longer question God’s requirements for my obedience. I was told a year and a half ago that my ex-fiance had been diagnosed as HIV-positive less than one month after I broke off the engagement. I was shocked. I couldn’t believe this could happen to someone I knew.
Had I not obeyed God, I would probably be HIV-positive today, and possibly not able to share this story with you. Sadly, my former fiance died of AIDS a year ago. Exodus 15:26 says: “If you listen carefully to the voice of the LORD your God and do what is right in His eyes, if you pay attention to His commands and keep all His decrees, I will not bring on you any of the diseases I brought on the Egyptians, for I am the LORD who heals you.”
When I heard the news about my ex-fiance, I got down on my knees and thanked God for His wisdom and kindness. I thanked Him for sparing me. I thanked Him for His Holy Spirit who has taught me that there is nothing like reaping the rewards of obedience. I thanked Him most of all for His grace, which I cannot comprehend or understand.
Not long ago, I watched a choir concert on public television. One of the songs touched my heart—God’s faithfulness, love, and grace flooded by heart. The song spoke of obedience and God’s grace. It went like this: “What you do for Jesus is not in vain, so do all you can do for Him and He will reward you in the end.”
Can we trust God’s hand and heart? Yes!
Should we thank Him for His grace? Yes!
Should we be obedient to His calling? Yes!
For me obedience has meant remaining single into my forties. It has also meant living a full, active, and blessed life.
Has there been a price to pay for my obedience? Yes. There are still things my heart desires that have not been fulfilled according to my plan. But as I review the past 25 years of my life with Christ, I marvel at a life full of grace and protection from pain and sickness.
God calls each of us to places to be obedient and when we do not understand, or our wills rebel, we need to remember He has His reasons. We can trust His heart no matter what He requires of us.
Editor’s Note: While this article can certainly minister to all of us as we look at the different areas of our lives where we wrestle with obedience, it could be used as a teaching tool for those of us who are parents, especially of teenagers. What better opportunity for discussing a tough topic—sex and its consequences out of God’s plan—than to read and discuss this article together.
~ By Susan E. Butcher. Susan is a certified life coach through the American Association of Christian Counselors, grief counselor, and freelance writer. Additionally, she is a seasoned speaker and Bible teacher. She lives in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
