My husband Ken was a very cheerful, friendly kind of a guy. He could meet a complete stranger at the corner gas station and strike up a conversation with them. I am very much an optimist, but more reserved. However, I really admired my husband’s outgoing personality. Together, we felt like we were going to laugh our way to old age. That is why the devastating news we got one day came with such a jolt.
We had been married for 34 years when we found out he had cancer. There had been no symptoms. He went to the doctor for a cold, and was sent for several complicated tests. Instead of getting better, he got worse. After weeks of testing, he was sent to a radiologist, and then an oncologist, and finally a doctor who sat us down to tell us the news. It was stage four esophageal cancer, and it had already spread to his liver. The doctor said they could not operate; however, they could do chemotherapy to stop the spread of the cancer. He was given four months to live. I could not stop the tears slowly falling down my face, but what I saw in my husband’s face still gets me to this day.
I looked over at him with tears in my eyes and he had a kind of radiant, peaceful, but determined appearance. He took my hand, and nodded at me. He then turned to the doctor and said, “We are going to fight this. This is not going to win.” I patted his hand and vowed I was going to be strong. The hard part to me was listening to the doctor describe all the side effects of chemotherapy. It not only affects the outer body with weight loss, hair loss, and sores, but it also affects the digestive system, heart, lungs, and internal organs. The nausea could be counteracted with anti-nausea medicine. The specific type of chemotherapy he was going to be given was the most aggressive type. I felt sick to my stomach just hearing it all. My husband did not twitch a muscle. I knew he must be cringing inside, but he never showed it.
In fact, the whole nine months my husband lived after that were filled with his “cheerful and fighting” spirit. He told our friends he was going to “beat the cancer.” He remained upbeat and uncomplaining in spite of continual pain, sores on his feet, drastic weight loss, two heart episodes, one lung collapse, kidney failure, and vast amounts of nausea. I look back at it now and see that this spirit he was given was a gift from God. In Proverbs 17:22, it says “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones” (NIV). He had that cheerful heart all the way to the end. It helped him get through it all, and it helped me more than he ever realized. I learned a great lesson: with God’s strength and a joyful spirit we can get through anything. It really is medicine to the soul when a person has a cheerful spirit.
Instead of having to deal with a grumpy, complaining, sick person, I was greeted with a joke or a laugh when taking care of him. When the hospital chaplain came around and asked if prayers were needed, my husband would always say “Pray for Chris.” He never thought of himself. His doctors and nurses loved him because he kept them in stitches with his jokes and upbeat attitude. He would tell me over and over to put in letters of commendation to all the nurses and health workers who took care of him. Every time I visited he would have more names written on a napkin of workers that he wanted to ensure received recognition.
These were not easy circumstances, but we were both able to live joyfully in spite of them because of my husband’s cheerful spirit. I am reminded of the verse in I Thessalonians 5:16-18, “Rejoice always, pray continually, and give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” My husband’s cheerful, fighting spirit was truly a gift from God. I see that now. I thank God every day for that gift; the strength it gave me, and the lesson it taught me.
