Christmas can be a stressful time for people at the best of times. Not to mention those who are living through the worst of times. Christmas is a season that is portrayed as being one of happiness, peace, and “joy to the world”! However, it is also the time of year with the highest rate of suicide. It’s the season of people’s highest highs, but also their lowest lows. 

Christmas has been a challenge for me since the loss of our 19-year-old son, Ben. It seemed that the year he was sick and even after he died, the enemy wanted to turn my Christ “mass” into a “mess.”

It’s a challenge to “celebrate” life when our hearts have been grieving his loss. The first Christmas without Ben, I wanted to smash the remnant of my decorations.  I remember walking around decorated malls to happy music. It all seemed so meaningless and trivial. And the tragedy is, we are often unprepared to know exactly what to do or say to people like me dealing with crises or loss, especially at Christmastime. Everyone wants to help–but how?

I learned a lot from the comfort we received through Ben’s illness and death. Hopefully what I’ve learned can help you to come alongside and bring “glad tidings of comfort and joy” to someone this Christmas. 

1.  Always call ahead!

​Perhaps one of the hardest things to do when you’re dealing with a crisis is turn away well-intending people. It’s exhausting and can be very frustrating! ​Calling ahead to the person you wish to comfort allows them the freedom to say they’re not up for a visit without the embarrassment of sending you away. It also allows them time to anticipate a visit, rather than having to respond to it. 

2.  Take inventory. 

​Even if you’ve called ahead, things change in a split second. Take a look around the room. Are there other visitors? Is there a doctor in the room? Has the timing of your visit turned out not such a good time?

3.  Set visitation boundaries.  

Say things like, “I won’t be staying long” (and mean it!) or “I’m only staying for 15 min max!” (and stick to it).  It’s better to leave the person wanting more than less of you! Don’t overstay your welcome.

4.  Be careful with your words.

The angels that appeared to the shepherds that dark night of Jesus’ birth came to bring tidings of comfort and joy that would be to all people. We, on the other hand, as well-intentioned as we try to be, aren’t always successful at bringing much comfort. The truth is, we are often uncomfortable with pain. If we can’t fix it, we don’t know what to do, so instead we try to snatch it away with advice and words that aren’t necessarily being asked for.

5.  Acknowledge the elephant in the room; validate the pain.

Time is too often spent trying to talk others out of their pain, rather than validating it. Invite the elephant into the conversation. Share a memory. Acknowledge the loss or hardship. Don’t be afraid to talk about it. 

6.  Listen and provide companionship. 

One of the best gifts you can give someone is your listening ear. It’s okay to not know what to do or say! You can’t fix it. The Bible says to mourn with those who mourn (Rom. 12:15). And, God walks with us through our pain. Psalm 23 says, “Yea, though I walk through the valley…Thou art with me” (KJV). Walk alongside them. The power of presence speaks louder than words.

7.  Offer Practical Help.

It can be frustrating when people say, “Let me know what I can do.” They don’t always know what they need or when they’ll need it. Often, they don’t have the emotional energy to ask for help. So, offer what you have to give: “Do you need cleaning done?” “Could I bring a meal?” “Would your children appreciate a night out?” Give gift cards, care packages, personal items, money, meals, or encouragement notes. Gift them with a Christmas ornament with the name of their loved one.

8. Pray.

As you come alongside the grieving this Christmas, pray that, The Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, will give you the necessary wisdom to comfort those in any trouble with the comfort you yourselves have received from God (2 Cor. 1:2-4). 

READ:

• "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction" (2 Corinthians 1:3-4, ESV).

REFLECT:

• How can you be a source of comfort to someone grieving during Christmas? What practical steps can you take to make them feel supported and cared for?
• Have you experienced God's comfort in your grief? How has He used others to bring you peace, and how can you do the same for someone else?

PRAY:

• God of all comfort, thank You for the gift of Your presence, especially in our darkest moments. Help me to be a source of comfort and hope to those who are hurting this Christmas. Give me wisdom in my words and actions, and may I reflect Your love in every interaction. In Jesus’ name, Amen.