I kissed quiet times goodbye. Did I get your attention? That’s a shocking admission by someone who has walked with the Lord for over 40 years. Now hear me out before you tune me out. Several years ago, I realized that much of my Christian life had fallen into the “earning God’s love” category. I was always the “good” girl growing up, doing the responsible thing, obeying my parents, being careful in love, and doing right by myself, others, and God. But that “doing right” or what I believed to be doing right left me in a loveless relationship with God on so many levels, because I thought I had to somehow earn God’s love—and it mostly centered around how good or bad of a job I was doing with my quiet times.

That became the gauge of whether God would love me. Then things crashed. I went through a few seasons in my life where I could barely get myself out of bed in the morning and tackle the monumental daily tasks ahead of me, let alone fit in an hour-long quiet time (the length I was taught defined how spiritual I was). It didn’t happen—for days, and even for months. I felt like such a failure and was sure that God would somehow distance Himself from me. But just the opposite happened. My relationship with God didn’t fall apart like I thought it might, and God didn’t stop loving me like I thought He would. In fact, there were times I had never felt closer to Him as He walked with me so intimately in my darkness.

It’s not about our quiet times when it comes to God loving us. Yes, He desires a close and growing relationship with us—He loves us deeply, He delights in us, He died to give us that incredible relationship, but it doesn’t come in the package of a quiet time. Am I saying then that there’s no need to spend regular time or study in His Word or prayer? Not at all.

Actually, when you kiss your quiet time goodbye, you’ll likely want to spend more time doing those things. The difference is now the box that we’ve put God into is broken down in a way that removes barriers. And, the enemy loves nothing more than to have us put our relationship with God into a box devoid of His love.

Instead of a “quiet time” that measured my spirituality and relationship with God, my time with God has become ongoing throughout the day—and much more resembles Christ’s relationship with His Father in the gospels. I’m not separating my regular life from my spiritual life in a nice tidy box. I’m enjoying God and actually feel like He loves me—with no strings attached—not based on my failures and inconsistencies. Instead, I feel like that relationship is happening in real time, much like our human relationships. I think about Him and talk to Him all day long. It’s more in line with God’s will for us to “pray without ceasing” (1 Thess. 5:16-18).   

I no longer feel like all of heaven is going to rain judgment on me because I “miss” a quiet time. All day is a quiet time because it’s about being open to God both listening and talking to Him and allowing Him to break into or interrupt me during the day whenever He chooses. It’s about keeping His Word before me in all kinds of ways throughout the day. It’s leaning into the Holy Spirit and letting His whispers speak to me unhindered. It really comes down to what Brother Lawrence talked about in his classic book, Practicing the Presence of Christ: “There is not in the world a kind of life more sweet and delightful, than that of a continual conversation with God; those only can comprehend it who practice and experience it.”

It’s not been an easy process to pry my heart from the thought pattern of thinking my worth to God only comes through my “quiet times.” In fact, it’s been a long, painful process of missing out on God’s love because I was so busy trying to earn it. My worth to God comes from God Himself and has nothing to do with what I do or don’t do. After all, Romans 5:8 says, “While we were yet sinners Christ died for us.” If that isn’t a prescription for love, I don’t know what is. Based purely on love and grace that I don’t deserve but that has been freely lavished on me as His beloved.

I can’t tell you the freedom that has come from kissing quiet times goodbye. No longer am I feeling shut me off from God’s love because it was done out of duty. Now, the real love relationship has begun—and it’s pure sweetness and delight!